Remember Me?

Hello again! It has been a couple of months since my last post.Things are moving right along as time keeps on ticking towards my dreams.Unfortunately, my place is not sold as of yet but I have not been pushing to hard.Everyone has told me to be ready for the big push in January.So now that the weather is cooling down part of the time, it is allowing me to get some work done on my place.
My best friend that I have written about on here before Hibbie, lost his father this past week so I feel for him.The month of November has actually all and all been ok for me.October ended badly for me.I spent a week out at my trailer taking care of my 13 year old nephew.Driving him home from school, to football practice and cooked him dinner every night.My sister Joy and husband Mike were celebrating thier anniversary.The weather was really hot down here in south Florida so, I decided to stay the following week in my trailer.So on the Friday of the second week I looked at my bottle of pain medicine(Oxycontin) and I only had 8 pills left.I know that there were 48 pills when I got there because I took 3 and added to a bottle of 45.I always mark down when I take them so I do not take to much at one time.I was missing 16 pills.My nephew Steve who is 25 and has had a problem with these in the past lives at Joy's house.I went in to let Joy know and said"I just want to bring something to your attention."When I told her she said to me "it is your fault,you should have hide them better."Mind you they were in my travel trailer with the rest of my medicines.I just went in the trailer, I was boiling. I text Steve to tell him if he is going to take them from me to sell he should at least give me some of the money.He cursed me and wrote very hurtfull things.I was so mad I told him that I was going to beat him up when he got home.I admit my bad.But of course he calls his mommy and she asks"Why are you threatening my son." I responded"because he stole from me."Then Joy and Mike said it was my fault for not locking my travel trailer door.I said "I came to you to tell you that your son stold narcotics from me and your responses were it was my fault for not hiding them better or locking my door."I then said" OK Tomorrow I should call the police, since narcotics were stolen."Joy in her infinite wisdom said and I swear she actually said this"You can't call the police because your trailer is on my property."Then Mike starts screaming to the point Joy was telling him to calm down "LOCK THE DOOR, LOCK THE DOOR"He popped off the couch while he was screaming, right towards my face.I threw down my cane to defend myself.Then Joy pops up screaming :HOW DARE YOU ." What would you do if someone screaming like a maniac jumps up to get in your face?At that point I was out of my mind with anger.I still never hit anybody.My 13 year old nephew got involved and I yelled at him.The next day I text him to apologize.So it was about 11pm I packed my car with the stuff from the trailer and drove home.Mike actually got in his car and backed it up down the street to watch me leave like he was in danger or something.In the text to my 13 year old nephew where I apologized to him, I asked him to have his parents text me when I can come and pick up my trailer off thier property.
Joy is just like my mother was, and why I did not talk to her for most of my life.It is the exact reason that I stay to myself most of the time.If either of them has something on you,in this case my trailer being on her property.They will throw it in your face all the time.You are not allowed to have an opinion about anything that does not agree with thier narrow view of the world.Even before all this happened, everytime I went to my trailer the only time I went in the house was to shower, use the restroom, get ice or if they invited me for dinner.The rest of the time I stayed in the trailer to myself.I honestly do not want to ever talk to any of then again.I am tired of walking on eggshells to please people less intelligent then myself. I can not wait to move my trailer off thier property, so they have nothing on me.
Anyway, sorry to harp on that situation but I am still flaming mad about it.But like I said November has been going pretty well for me.I am booked and payed for 11 nights in Cheraw State Park in South Carolina.I will be there March 27 to April 7th.On the 7th I will drive a little over a hundred miles to Willow Tree Resorts for the 2010 RV-Dreams Rally.I am booked for the Rally too.I am going to be in site #32, and hope to see many of you thier.Depending on when or even if my place sells I could be a fulltimer sooner ,but reguardless I will be a fulltimer in March 2010! Yippie!!!!See ya next time.......

Getting Better

Hello,It has been a long week of not feeling great.Sleeping countless hours and taking antibiotics.I had a lympe node infection.Sunday was my niece Brittani's wedding and although the event was nice, it was a very rough day for me.Not for the reason of missing football either.I just felt very weak all day.Not helped by the fact that I had to drive an hour to the wedding hang out all day and drive home an hour without any pain medicine.I was a ball of sweat by the end of the day.When I got home after midnight and took my meds I slept all day til after 5pm.If it was not for the fact that UPS knocked on my door for a deliver, I might still be sleeping.

My Great nephew Christoper and I

The bride Brittani and I

You can see in this picture it was the end of the night and I was a sweaty mess.But I am glad that I was there even after all my complaining and pain.Brittani never asks me for anything so it was nice to be there.My Dolphins lost again in a game they dominated, such is life.I am going to try to get on the chat line tonight.Hope to see you.Til next time.....

Some Where in September

Hello,Once again it has been a while since I have written. Tomorrow the 16th is my appointment with the surgeon to check out this lump underneath my right arm.I have been thinking about it non stop since my last doctors appointment.Yesterday's death of Patrick Swayze hit me hard.Not just because I liked him as an actor but he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer around the same time as my Mom was.So for whatever reason it made me relive her death over again last night.I had some really horrible dreams that shook me last night.I still do not feel well and have been sleeping too much.My calls for Frank have been put on hold.I have tried and even set a few appointments but I just am not into it mentally and rather then waste leads I am putting it on the back burner until after my appointment tomorrow.

On Sunday my niece Brittani is getting married to her long time boyfriend Darren.So I had to try on my suit that I only wore once three years ago.It is snug but it will have to do for the couple hours that I will wear it.I paid over $500 for it so it is nice that I will get to use it again.It is a good thing that I lost a little weight last time at the doctors.I will make sure I take some pictures of me and my family, to post on this journal at the wedding.Talking about pictures here are a couple from Tucson finally.

My Cousin Cory

Sorry the next 2 pics came out sideways:

Cory's Husband Jerry

Jerry's son Conner

Cory and Jerry's son
Trevor

Shot from campground near Cory's House

Sorry it took me so long it seems like everything that I do is a struggle these days.On this past Saturday I did go to my sister Joy's house for the day.It would have been my mother's 66th birthday, so she invited my sister Donna and my Dad up for the day.I slept so late that by the time I got there I missed Donna. But I was able to go see my nephew Brandon play his football game and have a nice time visiting with my Dad.On Sunday it was all about the first week of the NFL season.My Dolphins looked terrible but there were enough good games to still make it an enjoyable day relaxing.My Sunday football days are my favorite days of the year and I am not all that happy I have to give one up even for a wedding.But at least the Dolphins play next Monday night so I wont miss there game.Many think it selfish or strange that Sunday NFL football means so much to me but there are very few things that I can do that make me fully happy.It would have been a tough call if the Dolphins were playing on Sunday but as luck would have it I do not need to make that call.Going to a church on a NFL Sunday for any reason is a bad day to me.I am against religion and not a big fan of marriage.But my niece Brittani never asks me for anything and I am glad that I can be there for her, on her big day.Like the event or location or not, it is for her.I know I am crazy but I only get a certain number of football Sundays a year and they mean a great deal to me.Any way I will see you next time I write......

Monday and Still Sleeping

Hello, Today I slept till 4:30pm. After that I took a ride to CVS to pick up my prescriptions that I dropped off yesterday.On the way home I stopped by Scott's house.He had called me to invite me to a barbecue and visit with some friends.I ate some chicken and hung out for about an hour or so.I was not feeling that great so I said my good byes and headed back home.I jumped on the chat line for a little while and watched the Miami vs FSU game.Tomorrow is all about work,blockbuster and finding a surgeon.I will see you then.....

Sunday Sleeping

Hello, Another exciting day for me.I woke up at 6:30 am, for some reason or another.Most likely because I slept so much yesterday.I did at least get to CVS to drop off my prescriptions from my doctors visit on Friday.I grabbed Wendy's and came home to watch a movie,I know Wendy's is not the healthiest choice but it was quick,easy and good.I watched the movie The Line with Ray Liotta and Andy Garcia.It was OK nothing to rush out to get, but it was not a total stinker.After the movie,I went to lay down and slept until 11pm.I am really kinda nervous, I never sleep this much or am this tired all the time.Well just going to watch the last few laps of the race and check today's sports scores then go back to bed.See you tomorrow....

Sleep and College Football

Hello,I slept til about 11 am today.Woke up tired and felt that way all day.I walked over to Gary's a couple of times but most of the day I watched college football.My new electric bill was only $160, which compared to my $550 bill last month was welcomed news.I got on the chat line for about an hour or so this evening. Sorry not much to report.See ya later ......

Dr. On Friday

Hello, Another week down the drain and it ended with just great news.I have had a pain and lump under my right arm for a couple of weeks.I have also not been feeling well, just really tired all the time.My doctor said it is a tumor I have to have a biopsy on it to find out if it cancer or not.Unfortunately, many of the signs that I have been exhibiting are not good. When I got back from the appointment, I stopped at blockbuster get a couple of movies.After getting home from my 51/2 hour venture ,it was time to sleep and sleep I did.I slept the rest of the day till after 11pm,Got up to go to a 24 hour CVS , which is no longer 24 hours.So I stopped and got a grilled stuffed burrito at taco bell.Now I am writing and watching that 70's show.Well tomorrow is another day,Oh boy!!!!!!

Over 2 Inches of Rain on Thursday

Hello,Rained all day today,it was hard and loud every minute it seemed like on this Thursday in September.The only time I ventured out was to go to McDonald's to get the buy one big mac get the second for a quarter.It is about the only time that I eat at Micky Dees.I was doing my budget for full timing and I came to the conclusion that I can live well on $1900 a month.I will display it later on when I am on the road.I did throw away alot of stuff in the house to get rid of, to get it closer to selling.I talked to Manny, he confirmed that October and November are great sales months for mobile homes.De was telling me that almost nothing sells in August and September.So my plan is to have the house ready for October.I watched the first regular season college football game tonight so that was a thrill for me.It is soooooo great that football season is here again.I will see you tomorrow.....

The Second Day of September

Hello, Well yesterday there was not a hot bed of action taking place. In fact the only thing that I did of any significant was to call the police on Phil finally.Although I can not legally prove that he stole my meds and dvd's there is hope in tracking my handicap parking pass.It seems clear that he took my pass and so if it to the lady that he was living with while kicked out of his house from his wife.If the pass is found in this lady's possession it is a misdemeanor for her and him.So I can only hope that it is found and they both get what they deserve.The policeman that came out to file out the report was very nice.The main reason for filing out the report was for me to have a case number to bring to the DMV, so that I can get a replacement pass to replace the stolen one.So much excitement in my life. I waited so long because the piece of pupu that Phil turned out to be threatened to lie to the police and say that I was selling my pills rather then that he took them.

Today I do not feel well at all it is raining real bad so the pressure must be high and boy do I feel it.I slept solid all night an woke up like I did not sleep at all.I have a call in to Patricia, who is the owner of the South Bend,Indiana KOA that I will be workamping at next May.Her and her husband were discussing different ways to use me for the season.Hopefully she will call back while I am still writing so I can update all of you on the plan for my first workamping experience.Of course I was suppose to be there working this year but those darn medical issues blocked my fun.Plus, I did not sell my place so I still had an anchor around my neck.Looking at workamper news magazine there are a plethora of choices for the summer but for some reason or another I keep getting pulled to Granger,Indiana.I have no ties what so ever to the area, but I think it's close proximity to Chicago draws me to the area.Also, seeing a football game at Notre Dame is near the top of my bucket list.Seeing the Cubs play at Wrigley field and going to a Packers game at lambeau field are high on the bucket list as well.This location in Indiana offers access to so many great places.It is a couple hours away from Indianapolis, so the 500 and the brickyard are within reach.Cincinnati Oh is only a little further down the road to go see a Bengals or reds game.Michigan is only a couple miles a way and Detroit is a few hours a way to see a Lions,Tigers, Red Wings, Pistons Game.Then Cleveland is a little further to see the rock and roll hall of fame, a Browns,Indians,Cavs game.Then Canton Oh has the NFL hall of fame, which for any NFL fan is the holy grail. I mentioned seeing a Cubs game in Chicago but there is also the Bears, White Sox,Bulls, and Blackhawks.That is just the sports in the area there is so much American history and beauty to be found as well. And I intend to find it too. Well I have not heard back from Patricia yet , but when she calls I will include the conversation in tomorrow's log.Till then my friends.....

A New Month A New Beginning

Hello, Well it is about 5am here on the east coast and I figured it is about time to write.I have been slacking big time in my journal writing.There are many excuses I can use but the truth is I just was not up to it.My hope and goal is to get back in the habit of writing at least a little bit every day once again.Baby steps, here is day one, so this is one day in a row.It is funny I fell so far behind on reading others journals as well.Which is something that is so enjoyable to me.It is time to get back on the saddle again and know whats going on in all of my friends lives.I am so sorry for falling behind, in the first place.When i get stressed out it seems to shut down my entire being.The electric bill last month and everything that has transpired the last couple of month kicked my backside.Thank all of you for being patient with me and staying tuned.

Yesterday was actually a pretty good day for me.I was able to get many things accomplished that needed to be be done.I got an advance from Frank to pay that monster of an electric bill.Then I went to the post office to mail in my $100 rebate from Verizon from my new phone.I also went and got revolution for my cats to keep the fleas away.Spoke to the attorney in charge of my Mom's estate and everything is on schedule for December.I did not have a good day on the phones booking appointments but I think I was just tired from running around.I also finally got my mail, which has not been done in a while.It might not sound like to much but for me it was an extremely busy day.I also moved my doctors appointment to Friday morning. I am not looking forward to that one at all.I;m afraid that he is going to find something else wrong with me.Something is not right with me feeling this tired all the time and having these major headaches.We will see what he says on Friday but I will see you all tomorrow.......

I Know its about Time

Hello,It has been a while since I have written in my journal.Well as you know from Thursday the 20th till Tuesday the 25th I was in Tucson,AZ.I have been so stressed about bills and money stuff that it took away from my trip,It was still nice to see new things and hang out with family.One day I took Cory's car to drive around sightseeing RV parks.After roaming all over the city the nicest park at a reasonable price I found was only 3.2 miles away from Cory's house.The rest of the trip was really just hanging out and relaxing.

I get to pay a $550 electric bill this month from running my messed up ac last month.I have until Monday to pay it.I asked Frank if I can borrow the money for a week.I get my check on the third of the month so I will be able to pay him back then.On a brighter side in 90 days or so I will get some cash from my Mom's estate.My sister's and I have to get together to get a plan together on selling my Mom's house and property.Tonight at 8pm I will be watching the Miami Dolphins third preseason game.This is the most important of the preseason games because the starters on both teams play for about three quarters of the game.See you next time....

Well so much for my consistency

Hello,Tucson is still beautiful and it is great to spend time with Cory.I have not broken out the camera yet but I will this weekend.Yesterday both of my flights went great.I was early getting to Houston and to Tucson.Cory picked me up about two minutes after I landed, which was great because we did not have to pay for parking, plus it was much less walking for me.We left the airport and went directly to an awesome little Mexican restaurant.I got a sampler platter that had a taco,tamale,a cheese enchilada, rice and beans.I also ordered a gordita with the most awesome slow cooked beef I have ever tasted.Mexican food was a major success and a great start to my trip.The rest of the day we just hung out and I got to meet my two second cousins.Trevor is 7 and cute as can be and Logan is 16 and very polite.Jerry, who is Cory's husband is just an awesome guy that is really looking forward to hanging out this weekend.He works as a correctional officer at a local jail but has this weekend off to hang with me.Since I use to live here I won't be doing alot of site seeing but just seeing the mountains is calming to my soul.Once again I must apologize for my sporadic inconsistent writing but I am doing what I can at this point.I will try very hard to take some pictures and post again tomorrow......

Monday Here in the East, Sunday Night Out West

Hello,It is a little after two in the morning here on the east coast.Yup, you guessed it having trouble falling a sleep again.Although I was only on chat for less then an hour tonight, a couple of chatters talked about their consistency in writing their daily journals.It got me thinking of the reason that I began to write this journal.One of the things it was suppose to do is log my daily moods and emotions.Lately, I have honestly just felt completely out of myself.For those of you that have never suffered from clinical depression or any other serious mental illness.No matter how much I or any other person that is or has been there explains it, you will never fully get it.You think you do because depression is something that we all at one point go through.But, compairing the type of depression that a well minded individual encounters to the severity of someone handicapped with a mental illness grapples is like having an infection from cold or flue and now you think you understand the fear and complexity of having cancer.This in no way is a far fetched exaggeration of the difference in levels of severity between being depressed and living in a depressed state.

My mind shuts my body and brain down to the point that I can not function.Not a conscience choice but an involuntary paralysis of my mind that turns off my functionality.It would be like trying to play a video game without the controller.Tonight, this morning I am writing about this for several reasons.One being that I think that it needs to be written and read by myself once in a while to keep me from beating myself up.Another is to remind my few readers that my words are never meant to cause pain or hurt anyone other then myself once in a while.So if at anytime if I have said anything that hurt anybody I apologize with all my heart.I am not saying I am sorry for any of my beliefs or non beliefs as it might be but to anything that might have been focused off of myself.On those days where for some reason I feel my butt needs a good kicking is only meant to hurt me and to vent.Dee,Rick, and Penny thank you for sharing your consistent patterns with me.You motivated me with your own stories and that should be all of our goals in life.

I've already mentioned Dee, who is such a wonderful person with a wide open heart.Rick my one true sports fan friend on the chat line and Penny the ray of sunshine second one she enters the room.Others that I have to mention that have touched me in such positive are many and I will try not to forget anyone if I do TO BAD!! No just kidding I'm sorry I forgot.Phyllis you are the friend everyone needs in their corner.Rob, man you and I have shared alot of personal stuff.Deb you are the fun loving girl that tells it like it is like it or not.I know there is a democrat in you somewhere.Nonna I love your accounts of all of your travels.Netters and Mac are the coolest people that I have ever met from Kansas.Of course they are the only people I've met from Kansas.In all seriousness these are two people I cannot wait to give big hugs one day.Their caring and love for people comes across any computer screen.Jake always has something cool going on in his little Texas town.Leno is like a caring aunt that only wants the best for you.Bill besides being cool in the shadow is the man to talk to if you need info.Lisa , even though I have not scene her in a while, is the constant comedian with a Tennessee sized heart.John our fire man is always been nothing but kind to me.Jenny always makes great points in her comments.Joe aka Speedy is just an unbelievable human being.Even though I have never had the honor and privilege of meeting him. He might never know how much our little chats have meant to me.I know that I have come across as needy to him because I admire him so much but thank you so much for being you.Needy for Speedy- that's pretty funny.You are a great guy and I hope I have never pushed your hand of friendship anything but closer.Anna is always nice with good conversation.Sandra is always on chat to short and bringing lots of smiles.It has been a long time since I have had the luck to chat with Linda but what a wonderful person she is just because that is who she is as a person.And last but certainly not least mt first RV friend Howard.We have shared great emails and phone calls.The only hope I have for Howard is that we get the chance to become closer and better friends.OK enough butt kissing- no really you all mean and enhance my life so much.If I forgot anyone please leave me a comment and forgive me.

Truth is one day I will most likely take my own life.I say this not to put up a flag or show I am out of my head.I am 100% sane at this moment but one day my physical and mental pain will be to much for me.So it is important for me to tell people how I feel, when I have the chance.Thank each of you for giving even one second of your life caring about me and my life, it means everything to me.Well it is getting close to my trip to Arizona and it doesn't even seem real.Anyway I will see you later Love Dave........

Thursday to Sunday in August 2009

Hello, Life is so exciting it can only be written about a couple times a week.Well really nothing to report even after my long lay off from writing.Except of course this coming Thursday is my trip to Tucson to visit my cousin Cory.She is looking forward to my trip as much as I am.Mexican food be warned a great deal of you will be in my belly by next Tuesday.I will be taking my camera with me,so I should have some great pictures of the area and my family.My sister Joy is on a week cruise in Alaska.She only had to pay her flight and the trip is on an upper scale cruise lineI'll get the name of the cruise line but it would have cost her over $5,000, if she had to pay for it.She needed to get away by herself after my Mom passed away.Last night I went to Scott's and had some awesome Italian food from a new place that opened.They made fresh pasta and it was so light and fresh tasting.Still living with just the window unit and sleeping in the living room so at least I have that going for me.Anyway sorry life is not more active, but as soon as something happens it will be shared.....

Saturday through Wednesday

Hello,Sorry for the delay in posting but there has not been much to post.The last few days have been very trying, living with only a window AC unit has really been hard.I have been living in my living room and rushing to other parts of the house.A new unit for my AC is around $2,000, so that will not be going in anytime soon.I figure as I write it is August 12, so another month or so the weather will give me some relief.Fred the guy who wants or wanted to buy my place is having surgery the beginning of September.This might have been the change in heart or at least a cool down for wanting to buy my place.Either way I think it is time to settle in for the winter and see what happens.August to October are the worst months to attempt to sell a moblehome in south Florida.Hurricane season and moblehomes just do not go together very well.So the plan is now to enjoy one more NFL season on my big screen TV at home.November til March is when I must sell and get traveling.Well I will try to keep up to date on my writing.See you soon....

Thursday and Friday in August 2009

Hello,Well surprise,surprise no money in my hand from Fred.I now once again do not know if my place is sold or not, but this time I am not going to just wait around.I talked with him and he still swears he wants it but money talks.Should have known it was to good to be true.Why can't people say something the actually do what they say.

Yesterday Fred also did not deliver on the promise of letting me use his ac window unit.Luckily my friend Frank had a brand new window unit still in the box.He bought it as an emergency unit for after a hurricane to use with a generator.It is a small unit and much better then nothing but it is still above 80 in the living room and warmer then that throughout the rest of the house.Talk about miserable.At least my cats can stay near the ac unit to keep cool and I slept right under it to finally get some sleep last night.Also last night I cashed in my free meal at Wendys.Boy did they go out of there way to make sure this meal was perfect and it was. Nothing else good or bad to report.See you tomorrow or Sunday...

Tuesday and Wednesday

Hello,I once again did not feel great on Tuesday, so I kept the pattern of writing every two days.There actually a variety of things to share in this post.Some very good and some very bad news.I will start with the bad to show it, the proper respect.Mark died yesterday morning in his hospice hospital room.They gave him six months and he lasted six days.I send my love to his wife and two daughters.


In a strange turn of events my mothers attorney in charge of her estate did not read the latest amendment of my Mom's will.I will actually make out much better in the revised will.Now I will get 25% of the sale of her house and property.Also 15% of whatever left over cash, stocks and other investment after all bills have been paid.So that was good news for me.


Another bit of good news is that I am flying to Tucson,AZ on the 20th of August til the 25th.I am going to spend some time with my cousin Cory and her husband Jerry.It just so happens that I needed to get away and Cory's friend works for the airline.She was able to get me a buddy pass for the flight.I will stay at their house. so besides eating out and any activities we might do,I have no expenses.


Some potential great news that I will find out for sure tomorrow is that I think my place is sold.My neighbor across the street has an Uncle staying with them and he was looking for an inexpensive place close to family.He is suppose to go to the bank to get me a down payment tomorrow.We shook hands on it and he seems to be very excited about buying my place.We will see what happens tomorrow! We already have a move in date established of October first.I just hope everything actually goes as planned, for a change.

My air conditioning is down again! This time it needs an entire new unit.Fred, the potential buyer is aware of the air and is actually going to put a window unit in for me tomorrow, until he can fix the central unit.I hope so because now at 9:30 at night it is still over 90 degrees in this place.I will struggle for one more night, rather then invade some one's home.Two great things could potentially happen tomorrow.Keep your fingers and toes crossed for me.See ya tomorrow...

Another Double Post Sunday and Monday

Hello,I forgot to post yesterday, but you did not miss to much.On the one day that I do not try to wake up before 10, I got up at 9 for some reason.A run to CVS got all the things that were needed for the day.At about 5:30pm I went to Scott's for dinner and to hang out for awhile.Got home and watched the movie The Great Buck Howard.It was a cute movie with a great cast that included John Malkovich,Tom Hanks, Colin Hanks, and Steve Zahn.Don't run out to see it but it was enjoyable if you get a chance to watch it.I got really sick at about 5 in the morning and slept in till 4 pm on Monday.Tonight I will watch WWE Raw and chat online.Sorry not to exciting but that's all I got.See you tomorrow...

This is a Double Post Friday & Saturday

Hello,I forgot to post Friday night after watching some boxing.On Friday the big news was that my Mom did not forget me in her will.The fact that I was remembered and included made my day.It really meant alot to me and the fact that she left me $10,000 was great.I really need the money but I will put it in an account and only use it for emergency's.The rest of the day there was not a heck of alot to report besides a trip to blockbuster and Super Target.

Today I slept in again , even though I was not suppose to, was set to make calls.My pain meds got the best of me today. My voice sounded like crap , so sleep was a good option.Scott called me to tell me Mark is in stage four cancer.So that just made me feel even worse then I did already.Tonight I think I am going to go to dinner with Scott then there is a good boxing match on Showtime at 9pm.Rick hopefully you get a chance to read this today to figure out what time the matches come on in your time zone my friend.After the matches I will most likely stop in to the chat room to say hello to everybody. That is all for Friday and Saturday.See ya on Sunday....

Thursday at the Golden Corral

Hello,This will be a short entry today.Went to bed at 5:30am and slept til around 3pm.When my feet hit the floor , it was the usual feed the cats,take my meds and check my phone messages.Not sure if it was mentioned but last week I went to Wendy's for dinner.When I go,which is not that often,I usual get a few meals.That is what I did last Tuesday night as well.The food was cold,burnt and just plain stunk.It was not the first time that the food was bad from this particular location.I actual remembered to write an email explaining my experience and the others like it in the past to the Wendy's corporate offices.Today the area manager called me to apologise and offer to replace the entire order.Good deal considering that my order was over $18 and four meals for me.So guess what I am having for dinner tomorrow night.Tonight, Gary and I went to the golden corral for dinner.It was good and with a drink my meal was around $14 for all you can eat.Ate a good bit but surprisingly did not over do it, which is what usually happens.It was nice to just get out for a while anyway. Did not get a chance to book anymore appointments for tomorrow but its OK.Frank said today's appointments were not to great but it is a numbers game.Well that's all I got for you today.See you tomorrow....

Workin Wednesday

Hello,Today was all about making phone call since there were no appointments set for the week.So how was the day you ask? Only was my best day since this venture began.I booked eight count them eight appointments in one day.That is my weekly goal and man I was on a roll.Four of them are for tomorrow,three are scheduled for Friday and another one for the 17th of August.So that really made my day.Tomorrow's goal is to book 2 or 3 more for Friday then that's it for the week.Frank's brother is flying in from France next week and he will be staying for two weeks.Frank and I will set a specific schedule maybe one or two days a week.

I left another message for Manny but still have not heard back from him.Well hopefully he is so busy selling places that my place will just fall in line.We will see what happens in the coming days and weeks.I can not count on people that are suppose to be my friends, so lets see how things shake out.It was Gary's birthday today so I went over this morning after not sleeping much and also went over tonight for an hour or so.Tomorrow night we are going to go to dinner at a Chinese buffet or Golden Coral.Either way I will not be eating all day so I can stuff my belly full of food.

Today is one month since the death of my mother.It really was a fast month filled with all kinds of bad news.Like that song on HEE HAW "If it wasn't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all." Well my hope is that august brings some much needed good news.We will find out together, in this here journal.Thank you to those of you that follow my life's ups and downs.See ya all tomorrow....

Not the Greatest Tuesday!

Hello,Today was a not feeling so well day.I did not get out of my bed for the day until about 4:30 pm.I called to leave a message for Manny so, maybe I'll hear from him tomorrow.My brother Scott called me today.He informed me that his friend Mark is in the hospital with liver cancer.Mark you might remember is the guy that fixed my AC the first time without charging me a penny.Scott.who is usually really strong is very scared and upset about Mark.I am as well. He has always been very giving and helpful to me.I did not feel well enough to make calls today.Maybe whatever made me feel like this today is what was effecting me yesterday as well.I did go over to Gary's for an hour, just to get out of the house.After that came home and got in the chat room.Now just finishing this til tomorrow ....

Early Bird Does Not Always Catch the Worm

Hello,Well after forcing myself to lay down in bed at three in the A.M. ,so that I would be able to be up and making phone calls by ten.For some reason at six,I just could not sleep anymore.So I did this and that for a couple of hours,Then at eight,I broke down and called Gary to see if he wanted the buy one sausage Mcmuffin get another free deal.I very seldom eat Mcdonalds but for some unknown reason today the taste was there.So I ended up getting the muffins and going over to Gary's for a bit.I broke down and took a couple of drags of a cigarette.Its funny I really do not enjoy it but still I try.Since I did not enjoy it, it was actually good reinforcement of another reason not to smoke.But stupid me I am sure sometime or another it will be tried again.Oh well, what can you do if its not this it is that.Always something going on, good or bad its happening.After only talking to one or two people in more then an hour of calling. It was time to give it a rest and call again in the nighttime.It is 6:30 as this entry is written and the juice is just not there tonight.Not making excuses but most of these leads are pretty beat up.Frank will most likely stop by later to drop off some much needed new ones.So, tomorrow is the day that the appointments will be made.I do not necessarily feel bad but I just feel yucky.Something is just not right.Most likely its that Mcmuffin fighting back against me.Nothing else really exciting happened today.Tomorrow Manny will get a call so he does not forget to sell my place.See you then....

Sunday the 26th of July

Hello,Well when I say nothing happened today, it is an understatement.Slept til after three in the afternoon since my head didn't hit the bed til after eight am.My internal clock is all messed up and even when sleeping it is not real deep sleep most of the time.So when I got up feed the cats, took my meds, and got on the computer.I signed up for this service called mp3rocket a couple of years ago.It was like $30 for lifetime use of the service.It is a place where you can download all types of music to play on your computer.The only problem was that they were written in another language then an ipod reads.But, for some reason today after over 2 years of trying all of my music from rocket mp3 got into my ipod and got translated to ipod language.Do not ask me how, why or what the heck happened all the sudden but it did.The stereo in my truck has a connection that you can plug an ipod into it.So that is good news, I can create playlists that play for how long that I want to drive.It is a good way to keep track of time without looking at a clock.You can group the songs to create a mood or just mix everything up and shuffle the play.No commercials, and instant access to any song if you get in the mood for it.If this keeps working then if I am listening to the radio and like a song I can download it when I stop for a break.OK enough about that but it is a cool thing.

Besides that really nothing else happened the entire day.Since quitting smoking cigarettes I have not gone over to Gary's because he is a smoking machine.One thing really bothers me though, I have not called so we have not spoken.It is amazing that if I do not initiate hanging out that he does not call me or anything.Most people I would think did not like me if that happened but he never wants me to leave when I visit.It is just laziness on his part.Believe it or not if it doesn't have to do with smoking,drinking,watching TV or sleeping then it is to much effort.By the way it is Sunday and like everything else Phil has promised ,his promise of giving me $100 Thursday or Friday fell by the waste side.Like that old country song says I need to start hanging out with a better class of losers.At least I do have some great people in my life.Tonight will be spent talking to friends in the chat room and then followed with a movie.See you tomorrow for the start of a new week....

The 25th of July

Hello,Today was Saturday and I actually had a good day.Well let explain, it did not start out good, but a phone call changed that.Last night I did not get home from Frank's house until after one in the morning.After putting Olivia(his daughter) to sleep at 9, Frank and I ordered pizza from Papa Johns from the Internet.Just after ordering the pizza Frank called the front desk security guard to his community, to let him know to let delivery guy in the community.The guard was a jerk and told Frank to use the phone service to put in the request to let the driver in.Frank called but the service was not working so he called the guard back to make sure he understood to let the pizza guy in.Well about 10:30 Marci(Franks wife) called Frank to tell him that she had two phone calls from the front gate telling her that the guard was not going to let the pizza guy past the gate.So Frank calls the guard to ask why he did not let the driver in and he tells Frank that he never called.So long story short we never got the pizza.We ate some frozen pizza that Frank had.It was not good at all and I was so pissed off at the guard.Frank is to polite and did not even give the guy a lashing.Since I am so poor I was looking forward to eating real pizza all week.Because of one idiot not only did we not get the pizza but we did not start the movie until almost 11pm.On the way home I stopped at Dunkin Donuts to bring some home.

When arriving home it was like my body just woke up for some reason.So I fooled around on the computer and watched TV.By the time I looked at the clock it was after 8 in the morning.So stayed up to make calls from ten to eleven but no luck.Layed down at fifteen after eleven and woke up a little after four pm.After getting up, feed the cats, took meds , and returned phone calls.Only got in touch with Frank and he thought that I just slept and did not make calls.Olivia was sick and kept him up most of the night.Then he had a busy day scheduled, so he was beat. Called Scott back but he never returned my call.Then I left a message for Howard.The rest of the day I was downloading music off the internet and playing on the computer.

After my Mom died, my sister Joy was able to get in touch with my cousin Gary.He, Jeff, and Cory are the children of my Mom's sister Sid(my Aunt).Well Gary sent Joy an email with everybodys contact information.Today I decided to call and leave a message on all three of my cousins cell phones.Around 9 tonight Cory called me back.She was the only one to call me back but tomorrow Jeff and Gary will probably give me a ring.Cory and I for one reason or another just fell out of touch.She, like me is the youngest of the 3 kids.We also share the fact that we deal with depression and anxiety issues.She is also on disability due to her emotional problems.Unlike me she is married and has a son.We talked for 2 hours and it seemed like 5 minutes.We both had so much to say and so many question that we often talked over each other.It was so great and yes I am using the word great to talk to her.It was like a part of my life was reopened and this family member that has been a stranger for all these years has come back.I am already looking for campgrounds in the Tucson area to go there as soon as I get on the road.We will see what happens in the future but it is exciting,being excited about anything these days.Well hey what do you know something to report and it was good news.We will see if I can find some tomorrow.See ya then......

Friday the 24th of July

Hello! Well sorry but today's report is not going to blow your socks off.Did not set any appointments today and did not talk to anyone as a matter of fact.Just one of those days. Oh Well !! I woke up early for me, it was around 9 am.It was surprising to me to be up and alert.Considering my head did not touch a pillow until almost 6 am.The majority of the day was spent fooling around on the computer.Not sure if I'm the only one but when on google maps my imagination runs wild.I take every road on my dream journey's.Make plans like I will one day for real.Something happens to me, a feeling of joy,wonderment,and the feeling of getting lost whenever those darn maps take my attention.Also spent alot of time price shopping many different items on the Internet,Some were needs but most of them were just wants.Other items that were compared were just dream items, that would need me hitting the lottery to get.

Tonight is pizza and movie night over Frank's house.Marci is having her girls night out, so Frank and I are doing guys night in.It really depends on what time I get home from his house whether or not I will see any of you on chat later.I hope so! See ya tomorrow....

Thursday July 23

Hello.Nothing special to report today, as I once again slept in.Tonight is going to be a night off from making phone calls for Frank.The reason being is that he is all booked up for tomorrow.So Friday and Saturday will be spent booking up Monday the 27th.Do not really have any big plans for tonight except to watch a movie later and stop on the chat line.Do not have alot of food in the house, so I just might go grab some Chinese food.Still have not heard anything from the sales guy Manny.Made my trip to CVS, the bank and got one movie from blockbuster earlier in the day.Besides that unfortunately everything else is the same, sorry for the inactivity.I will try again tomorrow....

Wednesday July 22

Hello,Slept in again after not going to sleep until the weeeeee hours of the morning.Made my phone calls in the evening and ended up setting two appointments for Friday.That means in three days my total is nine appointments set.My goal each week is to set eight or nine so that lets me get a jump on booking Monday filled up.So that part of my life is at least going well right now.Have not heard anything more from Manny(The sales guy), but it has only been a couple of days.talked to Joy this afternoon and she informed me that next Friday, the 31st will be the reading of the will.It is actually taking place about 3 to 31/2 hours north of here in a town called Clermont.It is not to far away from Orlando, because that is where mt Mother's house and land are located.She set up her will while she was still living up there ,so most likely, I am not going to be in the will.Told Joy that I'm most likely not going to go up therefor the reading.That would be a long and lonely drive home if my instincts are correct.Besides that Phil stopped over and said that he is going to start paying me off and I will have $100 this Friday.He did finally admit to me that ha was having a problem with drugs and please do not think he was capable of doing the stuff he has been doing now that he has stopped taking the drugs.We will see what happens in the future but my breath is still not held.Nothing else to report except I decided to stop smoking cigarettes today.Last time it lasted 6 months without one and now with experience this should be it.I will never say never but it won't be for awhile.Well goodnight Canada and The US of A see you after the next sunrise.......

Just Tuesday

Hello,Today will be short and sweet.Had trouble sleeping so ended up sleeping til 3pm.When the meds were taken and the cars feed , my day started.Made my phone calls around 5pm til around 7:30pm and ended up with four appointments.So even though they were done late.at least they got done and four is a good day.After that, took my daily trip to Gary's house to shoot the breeze.By the time I left it was 9:30pm and hunger was setting in on my belly.Got in my car to get some movies at blockbuster and food at wendys.Came back to the house and munched on my burger and fries while watching the movie WATCHMEN.It was a good enough movie a little confusing and very gruesome.It was very interesting and to say the least unique.Now it is after1am on Wednesday, when writing this post.Well enough excitement for you for today , see you tomorrow.......

Monday at home

Hello,Another day is now over and it is time to write about it.Well some good stuff to report.First as promised yesterday, the phone calls got made today.Ended up setting three new appointments, so that is a good work day.About 2pm it was time for the daily trip to CVS.On my way back the guy named Manny called me from the home sales office.Not even ten minutes after I got home from CVS he knocked on the door.He came in asked some questions and looked around.We discussed price and he let me know what amount I could sell it quickly for.It was more then Phil was going to pay me and if the buyer is interested in the appliances I can charge them separate for them.It would be nice if the buyer also wants my 65 inch HD TV.It would save me placing an add in the paper.It was nice to get a ballpark figure and now we will see what happens.Manny said that he has a couple people in mind already that asked for a doublewide.The soonest that I would be able to move out would be September first.Since I will pay the lot rent for august, it makes sense to give myself time to throw away and sell everything not coming with me.Still have not heard anything from Phil and so not think it will happen.Give people a chance and they will expose there true colors.Well good for him he screwed me out of at least $1,000.Who knows what else he might have stolen from me without my knowledge.OH WELL YOU LIVE AND LEARN.Got to look forward, that is where my goal is in the future not behind me.Not much of anything else happened today and tonight I will watch WWE Raw on TV.See you around the bend......

Sunday with Steve

Hello,Well once again sleep did not begin till the early morning hours.This time I was hanging out with my nephew Steve.It was nice visiting with him for the night.Yesterday,I pointed out some of Steve's less the good qualities.Today I need to tell you that he really does have a good heart but just needs direction.At his age, he needs to find it sooner rather then later.Not that he is old a 25, at all but he really needs a purpose to motivate him.Anyway just my opinion and who am I to talk.I am a handicap poor person, hardly making my own bills at 37 years old.I do love and care about Steve very much.Woke up at around 3pm and watched the Yankees game with Steve.We got hit with another severe thunderstorm, so he hung out at my place til after 6pm.After writing this I will go to Gary's for a while and maybe get on the chatline later.I will without a doubt be making my phone calls at 10 am tomorrow morning and every day this week.No more slacking or missing time.The money is badly needed in these parts.See you at the start of a new week....

Another Wasted Saturday

Hello,Well my internal clock is still real messed up.Another night that falling a sleep was just a dream.The alarm went off at 9:30 am and the day started off with me getting sick.After flushing my last couple of days meals down the drain, and feeling dizzy.My body took a vote. and the winner was lay back down.Of course after the teeth got brushed and the listerine got swished to get the nasty taste out of my mouth.At that point it was time to rest and the next thing that I knew it was 2:30 pm in the afternoon.Another wasted day that the phone calls did not get made.When you are broke days like this absolutely kill the bottum line.But, it would not have been a productive day feeling and sounded like I did.Still have not heard anything from the office about someone coming out to take a look at my place to give me an estimate on its potential worth.

My nephew Steve is on his way over as this is being writted.He left a couple of messages while my body held down the bed.Before my mother's death Steve was living at his father's place in Georgia near Atlanta.Now he is staying at my sister Joy's house sponging off of them for a while.He is a slacker, just kinda cruising through life and staying for free at place to place.He is 25 and really does not have any direction.I love him but just wish he would do something with himself.Anyway he just got here I might write more later, if not see you tomorrow......

Fast Friday

Hello,Today was a fast moving nothing happening type of day.It began with me not being able to go to sleep.Finally at about 5:30 -6am the bed called for someone to come lie down on it.Frank had said that he was going to call me in the morning to let me know when to book his appointments on Monday.He already has a couple of things scheduled during the day on Monday, so I did not want to double book him.Well anyway he was so busy that he forgot to call me and I forgot to wake up.When my feet hit the ground again it was after 3pm.Then did my morning stuff.Take my meds,feed the cats. return phone calls, check my emails and things of that nature.Then Gary got home and we got to talking about different things.I had to take trip to the bank to take out money.By the time I returned and talked to Gary a little more it was 7pm.My friend Mario stopped over for a minute or two.Talked to Frank and found out about his busy day.His wife Marci was suppose to go out with friends for the night.She ended up not feeling well.Frank and I had planned a guys night in, by ordering pizza and watching movies.So there went my plans for tonight.So now I am writing this post and will end up watching TV for the rest of the night.Maybe later go on the chat line to say hello to some friends.That is going to be the end of another exciting day in my life.The guy from the park sales office never called or stopped by my place.Well he might have stopped by before three but he was suppose to call first.Tomorrow is another day and I'll see you then.......

Reality Thursday

Hello,Another day another lesson learned.Phil says that he did not get the loan and that he will start paying me some from every check.I learned never to mix friendship and money.It is not a new lesson but it really came shining through today.Let me get off of that subject before I get mad.Finally went to the office to ask about my options about selling my place.They have a service that charges $1500 to sell your place.They made me aware that the older moblehomes like mine have been selling very well lately.So tomorrow someone is suppose to call me and the come by my place to tell me what my place is worth.So I am a little excited to find out a price they will come up with.Anyway it is nice that I followed through with going to the office.

The only other thing that I really did today was go shopping at Publix.I needed cat food, soda and something for diner.I ended up getting a sub sandwich for my meal.They had their brand soda buy one get one free so I stocked up and got ten of them.I went over to Gary's place for a little bit.I also measured the bed of my truck.It is eight feet long and five feet wide.I have decided to get either a campertop or flattop for the bed for additional storage. I am just starting to look, but it is going to depend on how tall my generator stands.If it fits under the flattop that would be better since its cheaper.Well we will see what tomorrow brings......

Noisy Wednesday

Hello,They are putting in a new moblehome on the street behind me three spots down,So I was not able to make phone calls this morning due to all the noise.Banging, pounding,drilling,screwing and cutting all day long.It does alot to help this screaming headache that I've had on and off for a while now.Well I guess that's progress, in the neighborhood anyway.There are only a handful of older homes like mine left in the park.So,I am going to go to the office to review my options about getting from under the lot rent and high electric bills that more then drained my funds.Been meaning to go to the office all week but for some reason it keeps slipping my mind.Whats left of my mind, anyway.So I was able to drown out a good bit of the noise outside with a noisy fan that I have and get some much needed rest.It is around 5pm now, so soon I am going to make my phone calls to see if I can get some people home at night.

Well ready for a big, big surprise? Are you sure you are ready and can handle the shock of this next statement.A shock to all as I mentioned it is around 5pm and have you seen Phil.Guess what, me neitherI.Called him at around 9:30am and left a message.He did text me back saying that his manager called and asked him to open the park.He said "won't be long call you when I get out"Hey giving the benefit of the doubt, that he had to stay and work all day.It only takes a minute to call or text,just to let me know that it is not going to work out again today.Anyway I am through waiting on Phil, if he comes around and everything works out, it at this point would be only a bonus.Not making excuses for him in the least but he has been going through alot of stuff as well.Everyone handles situations differently. Who is to say who is right or who is wrong?Certainly not me with all my hang ups and problems.I will just simply say that I would handle things in a different way then Phil is handling the situation.It does make me feel rather unimportant to someone that has been one of my best friends.Then again I have the opportunity to go to the office everyday to review my options and I have not so we are all messed up in our own way.

I did call my sister Joy today and had a nice little chat.She had told me she was on her way back from picking up my Mom's death certificate.I joked "How Fun" she said exactly no fun at all.She did tell me that she was going to give me $500 of my Mom's cash that was left in her account.Joy paid the funeral expenses out of that money and gave some to other family members.Do not know if $500 is good or bad but I feel fortunate to get it at this point in my life.That gives me a little security for next month anyway.I believe in my heart that Joy will do the right thing when it comes to splitting up my Mom's stuff.She knows the dire situation that I am in and has a good heart.She does deserve the lion's share since she was the one that was there everyday taking care of my Mom.I could have never done that,even if I was in better financial shape and not disabled.I told her today what a great job she did and that she should be very proud of herself for making my Mother's last year on earth as comfortable as possible.Joy is a strong woman and has gone through alot of stuff in her own life.Donna was there for my Mom as much as she could have been.She moved back down here from North Carolina the end of May and my Mom died on June 29.It was just meant to be that she was there for Mom holding her hand as she died.Part of me wishes that I stayed the extra 45 minutes from when I left the hospital to the time she died.Another part is so glad that I was not there to actually see her dead or experience the moment she died.Donna shared with me that she still has nightmares about that moment.I actually just called her to say hello.Be right back.OK I am back.My Dad called while on the phone with Donna.He found out that they are laying off people at his job.He will be one of the first to go because he makes big money compared to what they would pay the newer employees.Then my nephew Shane called me and we chatted for a bit.What was going to be a couple minute break turned out to be longer.It is now 6:30pm.Out of all of my family members Donna is with out a doubt the best person of the bunch.Not putting anyone else down at all,but she is very honest.She always stands for what is right and does not compromise.Joy is a good person as well but she has more business Savvy.Joy would not mind screwing over a couple people or bending the rules a bit in the process of getting something accomplished.I when in the business world was ruthless but always got the job done.So we are like the three bears.Donna's was to hot(meaning she would rather get stepped on then step on anyone), mine was to cold (I would step on anyone to get the job done right)and Joy was just right(She would step on people if need be but will never ever get stepped on).It is amazing just how different the three of us are as people.But, we all get along.support and love each other, which is the important thing.If my Mom's death did nothing else it brought the three of us closer.Well still have not heard from Phil so that wraps up another day.See you on what I hope is a fantastic Friday....

Tu Tu Tuesday

Hello.It was not a bad day at all.I fact it border on being a good day.I made my calls and set four appointments.So that was a good start to the day.After that I had to make a run to CVS,the bank and Blockbuster.At the bank I deposited every cent that I have, so no more backup or emergency money.That doesn't cause me any stress at all.Supposedly, and I stress Supposedly I am suppose to get money from Phil tomorrow.We are also, suppose to talk about him buying my place.You might have picked up that I'm not holding my breath.We will see what happens tomorrow.It would not be a surprise if I have to listen to some other excuse.I am so sick of it and wish the money was not needed as bad as it is to survive.Tonight my plans include watching the MLB ALLSTAR GAME and stopping in the chat room for a while to visit my friends.

L decided to learn more about the practices of ZEN Buddhism.I do not care for any religious aspects just the concept of practicing mindfulness.Learning to live with less and getting more on focusing on the less.I have a bad habit of trying to do to much, to the point that I'm rushing through life.It causes me stress and anxiety that I do not need.Focusing on doing a few tasks and being there giving 100% of my attention is where I need to end up.If I can accomplish this one little thing I believe it will vastly effect the wholeness of my life.Instead of just enjoying the places I will go , I will also enjoy the drive.Stopping to smell the roses and only concentrating on the smell of the rose.Well we will see how that works out.....

Man It Was Monday

Hello,Today was close to being a waste of a day.I woke up to make my calls and my head felt like it was going to explode.Migraine headache to the maximum.It hurt when I just took a breath.So I took pain meds and spent the day in bed.So like I said almost a waste of a day but I am on the chatline now.It is nice to spend sometime with friends.I really need to lean on them and others right now.Feeling so stressed out that it is really effecting every aspect of my existence.

As many of you read on RV-Dreams journal my first RV friend Howard and I talked on the phone.I really appreciated the phone call especially knowing the busy schedule him and Linda keep these days.From my end it really surprised me how well we got along as individuals.I expected Howard to be a good guy, just knowing his personality a bit from reading his writing so long.What was a pleasant surprise to me was the in depth conversation we were able to have.There was really no fluff in our talk and we were able to cover a wide range of topics.Him and I have more in common then I would have ever imagined.I really look up to him for not only what he was able to do with the website but the quality of human being.Truly one of the good people in the world.He has his own mind with his own way of viewing the world that makes him a desirable person to want to know and be around.It was funny in my post the other day I went out of my way to not say that the phone call from a friend was not Howard.I did not realise that he was going to write about it in his post.I liked it and did not mind one bit.I am proud to call Howard a friend of mine besides him always being my first RV friend.

Other then sleeping today,I talked on the phone for a while with Frank.He has been so great and understanding since my Mom died.Then I went to Gary's for an hour or so to hang out.Also downloaded a few movies of the Internet to watch.Ended up watching the new Terminator movie last night.I enjoyed it and the price was right.Tomorrow after I make my phone calls it will be time to go to blockbuster.This week a movie called A Haunting in Connecticut which is based on a true story.It looks pretty freaky.You know I love my horror movies and the fact that this one is true really kicks it up a notch.Hopefully I will get some money from Phil that he owes me as well.We will find out together in tomorrow's post......

Some Sunday!

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Saturday at Home

Hello,Tonight I am hopeful that I will be able to talk to Phil and finalize an agreement on buying my place.It is so hard dealing with him because it is difficult to get a straight answer.Did not really do anything worth reporting today except for a phone call from a friend that was a real thrill to talk to them.Just watching the Yankees game and taking it easy.I did put in a application for google adsense.I figure if I make $100 a year it is more then nothing.Tonight, I am going to go to my brother Scott's house to watch a UFC pay per view.It is almost 7pm now and I will go there around 9 or 10pm.So hopefully, in the next couple of hours Phil will get in touch with me and we can figure everything out.Well thats about it for today but I will catch you on the flip-side....

Forgot About Friday

Hello,For some reason I forgot all about posting yesterday.Twenty lashes with a wet noodle for me as my punishment.Well you did not miss to much I promise you that.Did not get any appointments from my phone calls.It is weird some days I will get two in a half hour and some I can call for four hours straight and not get one.Oh well such is life as they say.Had trouble sleeping once again so I tried to lay back down, which was pretty much a waste of time.Went over to Gary's house for a couple hours in the early evening.I did get a chance to write Howard and Linda a personal e-mail sharing my feelings with them.Even though I do not know them personally,I really love them alot.I feel the same about several of my friends from the chat room.It is important to me to mention things like this when I can, because when I'm feeling down the focus is about me and my dislike for myself.I am not exactly whistling Dixie but there is a chance things will work out.I was suppose to sit down and talk to Phil face to face last night,it was his idea.But, around 9 -930 last night I sent him a text saying "Boy I'm glad I did not make any plans tonight so you and I could hang out and talk".He wrote me back saying sorry ended up watching kids, sorry should have called.Which no big deal he has alot of shit going on right now as well.I still have not found the missing stuff but he swears he did not take it and I care more about selling my place then any of that anyway.Dealing with Phil is very tiring because you can never get a straight answer.Any way not much else to report of any interest.See you tomorrow (well really later today).....

Thursday Just Another Day

Hello,Thank you to those that left comments on my last post.You must think that I am a complete nutcase, but at least with I know you are still reading my journal.So thank to my readers at least I am not talking or writing in this case, to myself.The fish were not biting today during my phone calls.I called for an hour straight number after number, but did not talk to anyone.Frank always tells me that Thursday is a big doctor's appointment days.So, I guess they all had morning appointments today.Oh, well ! I managed to go to blockbuster and rent a couple more flix.Since I pay only a monthly charge, it does not cost me anymore to rent more movies,.So why not?It keeps my mind off of all the shit going on in my life.I also went to Gary's place to chill for a bit.

Last night Joy and I were talking about the will.She is waiting for the death certificate to arrive before she can go to the attorneys.I was able to share with her on how hurt I will be if my mother did not leave me anything at all.But, I would not put it past her. When I was 13 years old I was bar mitzvahed ( I am part Jewish)and had a big party.My great mother kept all of my gift money.It was several thousand dollars.So that tells you a little bit of the type of person my mother was and why we did not talk for so many years.I am the only member of my family to ever graduate college.Even though my mother and I were not talking regularly, I expected at least a card,a phone call,I would have even settled for an email.Nothing, not a word ,much less a gift.That is why I can not believe that her death is bothering my as much as it has been.I try to think of good times and for every good memory that I remember, there is 10 bad thoughts.I will post the speech that I made at her funeral.I think I was able to say many things I wanted to, but do it in a way that came across as her still being my mom.No one came up and complained so that is good.A couple people actually said they loved it and it made them cry.Back to the point my mom knew how tough things are for me financially.So between that and just the point that no matter what I am her son.She did not help me much when she was alive, why would I think that she would help me in death.

My friend Hibbie called me today so we talked for a while.He knows its been a tough time around here, so he wanted to see how I was doing.He is also looking forward to me coming up in the RV, when I am a full timer.Who knows depending on when it actually happens I might end up staying hooked up to his house for a long time.Just a reminder he lives near Columbia, SC.In a little town named Gilbert.He has lots of land, with many tall trees all over the place for great shade.I could probably stay there for nothing and just have to take the trailer to dump it every couple weeks to a month.I figure that I will use the indoor facilities for going to the bathroom and showering.That will allow me to dump much less often.The change of scenery and more relaxed lifestyle is much welcomed.It is still in the back of my mind that in May, I will workamp in Granger,Indiana at the KOA.It was where I was suppose to go this year but hopefully next year is the year.Well anyway, I will see you tomorrow....

Wednesday Was Not Too Bad!

Hello,It rained all day today and it really poured ! I actually got up and made my phone calls today.Progress right? I actually made four appointments, so not a bad day working.So that helped my mood a bit. Then I made my exciting trip to CVS for a couple prescription.I had a half of a sub sandwich for lunch.Returned some calls and went on the computer for a while.Then with the rain flowing,I was actually able to take a nap.Its been a while since I've been able to do that.Felt great and my body needed this good rest.When the nap was over it was time to return some more phone calls.After the calls it was movie time.Tonight's DVD was a horror movie called THE UNBORN.I really enjoyed it besides the blood and guts it had a really good storyline.You do not always get a good story to follow with thrillers.Now I have That 70's show on the TV and writing this entry.Well thanks to those of you that are sticking with me, through my life melt.And on that note I will see ya tomorrow....

Tuesday in July

Hello,Yes I am still writing even if no one reads my posts.I am still feeling about as good as yesterday but I am still here.Today I at least left the house to go to blockbuster and to Publix.It was a really scorching hot day down here in south Florida.After getting home from shopping I put everything away and jumped in the shower.I could possibly be wrong about Phil taking something from my house but I do not know for sure either way.It is weird that it has disappeared and there is no sign of it.Whatever if I am wrong then I sincerely apologize to Phil but my feeling about my living my life like this still remains the same.It does not mean that I am going to kill myself today or tomorrow but I'm not going to live this way forever.I am just not strong enough to carry these feelings around with me, everyday.

Around 6:30pm I went over to Gary's for a couple of hours and vented about my life's situation.He is a good guy.I just wish that I was not such a downer but I'm not good a faking when I feel this down.Tonight I am going to watch a movie and try not to think.I did not make my phone calls again today.So tonight the alarm is set for 9am and no matter what time I fall a sleep, 10am is work time.Going to have to fake a smile for a couple of hours and set some appointments.Well I will see you tomorrow....

Meaningless Monday

Hello,If you read yesterday's post then you know that I went to bed around 7 or 8 in the morning.I got out of bed just tired as could be at around 3:30pm.It was another couple of hours of tossing and turning.I am writing this post at around 6:30 pm EST. So I have only been up three hours.Not alot of anything good to report.I am feeling really down today.Which is one of the reasons that I decided to write this post early today.That and the fact that I just wrote yesterdays post.

Joy called me while I was still in bed.So I gave her a call and she was just checking in on me.Once again I told her I was doing OK.She asked me if I made my phone calls for Frank today.Rather then going into detail about how fucked up I am, I just told her about my lack of ability to sleep.Frank also called me to check on me.He is a great friend and very understanding about whats going on.But, I could tell that he was a little not upset but disappointed that I did not make calls today.Tonight I am going to stay in bed no matter what so I can work tomorrow morning.I will go to bed at midnight, which is early for me,especially lately.My doctors office also called to confirm an appointment for tomorrow.I had to change it til the 21st because one I do not feel like going and two I have no money.It is a three hour round trip drive in gas ,plus my copay.I can not even afford to pay for my car and truck insurance right now.After tomorrow my drivers licence will be suspended because of having no insurance.So now I have that on my head on top of so much other shit.
I will really limit the amount I drive now because I can not get pulled over with no insurance and a suspended licence.So that means I will sit at home more and go more and more crazy.Yesterday I come to find out that MY FRIEND Phil took something of mine from my house.Yes even my so called friends are stealing from me.Way to kick a guy that is down.So now I seriously doubt that he is actually going to buy my place.All this time that I have been fucking around with him wanting to buy it I was not advertising or looking for buyers.Stupid me,trusting people that are suppose to be my friend.I really do not know how much more pressure I can take.I keep wondering why I am even trying to fight through all this negativity.With no money,no insurance,no friends,no mother, and no life what do I have to look forward to.Traveling is off with no money or insurance, so what the fuck do I have to live for anymore.I really do not have many friends, my family looks at me with pity and even the great people that I have met on the chat line have no need for a young loser that only complains about his life.It really hit me today how little I have to live for anymore.My cats are a big reason believe it or not.But they can be taken care of better then I can take care of them.I do not have money for vets,flea repellent, and many other important things.So I am even failing my responsibility as a pet owner.I am also not a good son,brother,uncle, or friend.I am in physical and mental pain 24 hours everyday of my life.I am overweight,started smoking cigarettes again the last month or so.I am so far behind financially that I will never catch up.I am not crying out for help to anyone because the facts are all true.I am sorry to have wasted the time of all of you that have read about my pathetic life over the past two months.I do not know what to do anymore I am really lost and afraid.Anyway its time for me to stop writing , sorry again....

Sunday went for a Swim

Hello,I did not feel like writing yesterday so here is the excitement that is my life,Woke up around noon after not really being able to sleep well.Could not fall a sleep and then decided to lie there tossing and turn all morning.I just sat around staring into space for most of the afternoon.I did return a couple of phone calls.Sheila and my Dad both called to check on me, to see if I was all right.Of course I lied and said that I was fine.Scott also called and when we talked he invited me over to go swimming.He has a beautiful pool and hot tub in his backyard.He put it in about a year ago.I will take pictures some time in the future.

About 5pm I went over Scott's to go swimming.He live 3 miles down the road from me,depending on if you get the lights it takes 5 to 15 minute to get there.When I left my house the sun was shinning and it was somewhere in the 90's.So as I am driving it is dark as hell over his house.I get there and 5 minutes later it is a storm from hell.It lasted about an hour.By that time Scott really did not feel like swimming.He went in basically to clean the pool instead of hanging out,It was not like I expected him to have the magic words to make me feel better but it was like pulling teeth talking to him yesterday.He is usually a great person to talk to but it was like he did not want to talk to me about my mom or my life yesterday.He has alot of dislike for my mom because of the way she fucked me up as a kid.We met when I was 15 and knows first hand the mistreatment that I went through.I think that he thought that I was going to ask him for financial help,(which I was not)during our conversation.He has done alot for me in the past but in all that help I have never asked him for a dime.But he has willingly helped me. on his own.He made the statement to me at the end of the night that things were tight for him right now.Which was another indication that he thought that I was there to ask for help.I was only there for emotional help which I did not recieve at all.
I got home a little after 9pm from Scott's house.I was feeling real down so I thought that I would try to lose myself in a movie.I had rented the action movie 12 Rounds from blockbuster.It was actually a very good action movie.It starred professional wrestler John Cena , who played a city cop.If you like action movies you will like this one, for sure.The W.W.E. has made a few movies now and the first couple were stinkers but the last two were OK and this one was good.After that I watched some TV, highlighted by The Honeymooners at 1am on WGN.I love that show so much. I have seen them all a million times but still love it.At 2am I tried to go to bed but could not.So I finally got up and watched TV til around 7 or 8am.Well I will start the Monday post now see you then....

Sleepy Saturday

Hello,I am so glad that the funeral is over.Yesterday really sucked and took alot out of me.I slept all day in fact did not even leave my room til after 6pm.I washed up then went to Gary's for a couple hours.Phil was suppose to stop by but never did.I am really nervous depending on him to buy my place.He is a good guy and my friend but not that dependable.I know he wants my place but he needs to step up with money. I should not have said 100% yes to selling my house when dealing with him.I came home from Gary's and munched on some of the leftovers that I took home from Joy's house.I watched the race and the Smack down on TV.I even stopped in the chat room for a while.Not much excitement today, luckily.Tomorrow will be boring too, hopefully.....

This was not a Fun Friday

I am writing this a day late.This is the post for July 3, 2009.The day of my mother's funeral.Did not really sleep much, so the day started out early.I left my house at around 10:30am to go to my sister's house.I got there and took my pain medication.Sheila was bringing me a ironed shirt and pants to wear today.She brought me pants 4 sizes to big without a belt loop and a shirt one size to small.But, I only had to wear it for a couple of hours, so it was not that big of a deal.Just a pain in the ass for a while.
My sisters and I had to go early at around one to sign some papers at the cemetery.By the time we were done in the office people were starting to arrive for the service.Everyone got there and the service began.We all had prepared our own things to say to our mother.Joy went,then Donna,and then I went.After that the grandchildren, and great grandchild spoke to their grand mom.For what it was it was nice.No major problems at all.It was really hot out and everyone was crying.
After the service we all went to my sister;s house for catered food and to spend tine together.I really did not feel like hanging out at first but after a while I was able to hang out.My sister let me take home a bunch of food and I drove home to be alone.I was real burnt out from the day, so just watched the movie The Karate Kid and went to bed.Short journal entry but I can only say so much about today.See you tomorrow......

The Day Before the Funeral

Hello,Another late sleeping day after going to bed late again.I finally got out of be around 4 in the afternoon.Returned some phone calls and fed the cats.Then I went over to Gary's for a while to shoot the shit.Phil stopped over a little after 8pm.He hung out for about a half an hour.Then I made pigs in a blanket,hot dogs and crescents.I was on the chatline for about a half hour at about 10pm.Watched some TV and now I'm writing this journal.Very exciting day once again in my pathetic life.Tomorrow is the big day and I have to still write something to say.So I will see you then.....

Wednesday Weeping

Hello, Had a hard time falling a sleep again last night.Did not even lay down in my bed till after 7 am.Got to bed around 8am and woke up a little after 3pm.Messed around on the computer and the Joy told me that everyone in my family was getting together for diner.So Joy,Brandon Steve, and Mike picked me up around 5 pm.We were meeting Dad,Sheila,Donna,John,Shane, Julia, Brittani,and Christopher at the Inverary Dinner. Just to recap Joy and Donna are my sisters.Mike and John are my brothers in law.Steve,Shane and Brandon are my nephews.Brittani and Merrisa(who was not there) are my nieces.Christopher is my great nephew(son of Merrisa but adopted by Donna).So any way we all ate together.I had my camera with me but was in another world and forgot to take a picture.I ate a Greek combo which had spinach pie,moussaka, and Pissaro.I was pretty good not great,except the spinach pie it was great.Went back to Donna's new place after diner for a while then they dropped me of at home.

I felt blah all day.It was nice being together but I felt so shitty that I could not enjoy it.Then my nephew Steve got some more upsetting news and brought everyone down with him.One funny note, I got passed the ketchup at diner and went to shake the bottle but the cap was loose and ketchup went splattering all over.It is just real frustrating because I can not think clear at all.No one understands that my mind literally shuts down on my when over stressed. I am just going through the motions of living my life right now.I am really lost and do not know what is going to happen in the next couple months.I will not believe the deal with Phil with buying my house will be done till I see the money in my hands.The way that I am viewing the world right now is very distorted.Mad at the world,mad at my life, and mad at myself.Everybody would be alot happier if it was my funeral on Friday.At diner I looked around and noticed that if I was not there nothing would be much different.My life does not positively effect one persons life in my family or friends.I am the albatross around my families life.Anyway hopefully tomorrow is a better day.For those of you that read my journal I apologize for the depressing and painful life that I've involved you in.See those still interested on the flip side......

The Day After

Hello, It as you imagined was a rough day.Did not go to bed til after 5 am and slept til 1pm.My nephew Steve slept over and helped me clean up my place a little bit.Then my sister Donna picked him up to bring him to Joy's place.They did all the arrangements and scheduled the funeral for Friday.At around 3 I cried myself back to sleep and stayed in bed til about 9.I am watching a little TV and writing this post, not much of a day.

THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE !

Hello,Alma Sue Sussman, my mother died at around 9pm on Monday June 29,2009.I am an ass.What a piece of shit of a son and person I am.All those years I did not speak with my mother.Years wasted by my selfish attitude.I just can not believe she is gone.I took alot of pain killers and smoked tonight.I just needed to stop crying and fell a little better. I am tired from the drugs but exhausted from the mental anguish of the day.I really do not want to remember the events of today or or relive any experience.My life has got to start to getting better because this has to be rock bottom. If it is not rock bottom, then I do not want to live at all.I just can not take it,I am not strong.My emotions are very fragile feel like a child.It is after 3am here Tuesday morning and some how I am still awake.I am definitely in the denial stage . I really can not believe this day has come. Anyway tomorrow is a better day, I Hope......

Sucky Sunday!!!

Hello,Today was a day that I have feared since I was a little boy.I went to the hospital around noon.My sister Joy was already in the room with my Mom.I got there and said hello to my Mom.She was out of it, talking and not making sense.She looked much worse then when I went to the hospital last.I lost it just could not stop crying.About 20 minutes after I got there my sister Donna,nephew Shane and his wife Julia arrived.Shane took leave from the air force and flew in last night with Julia.Shitty way to meet my new niece.She was very nice and really did a good job being a part of everything,in a hard situation.

About 5pm me,Donna,Shane,Julia,and Brandon went to the Carolina Ale House for diner.We were all starving from sitting around all day and not eating anything.It was a nice break,which we all needed badly.None of us talked about my Mom the entire meal.It was good to just talk to everyone.It has been a long time since we have all been together at the same time.I had a coupon for a free appetizer which we all shared.I got some chicken wings to munch on and they were yummy.For the first time ever my nephew Shane bought lunch.It was a very nice gesture.

After diner we returned back to the hospital to the fourth floor.There are only 10 rooms which are all hospice.we had to walk by a family that had just lost their loved one.We all lost it but luckily my Mom was sleeping.Mike and Brandon left for the night.Just after Donna,Shane and Julia took off.With just Joy and I left we talked about the situation.Without any mention or asking she handed me some money.She knows how bad that I am struggling financially.It was a surprising and wonderful gesture.I asked her for sometime to be alone with my Mom and say somethings I felt I needed to say.She was alert enough to give me a big hug and exchanged "I love you".As fucked up as I am from this whole situation, must admit I feel a little relieved to have the chance to say some things to my Mom while she is still alive.But,that being said I will have nightmares the rest of my life about the way my Mom looked and acted today.


A few weeks ago I made so comments about being angry with my Mom and other stuff about anger.That is all gone,like it was never there.Funny how priorities and what is important really changes when something so real like this happens.Man I really can not believe just how shaken and fucked up that I am.I feel life a zombie.If I did believe in a God after today I would tell him or her to go fuck himself.How can my Mom be this stranger laying in my mother's hospital bed.I would truly not wish this feeling on my worst if enemy's.Anyway after my phone calls tomorrow,I will head back to the hospital.Not looking forward to that at all.I really hope that traveling in my trailer is my calling because if not I truly do not know if I want to live anymore.I was miserable before going through this with my Mom.I do not want to be around to ever go through this again.My Dad will be 70 in February and just can not stop thinking of him.Anyway, I really can not write any more.See you tomorrow........

Sad Saturday!

Hello,Today was not a good day,although some good things did happen.First, I got up at 9:30 am to make my calls at 10am.Started out great,booking the first person that I talked to.Then around 10:30 my sister Joy called me.She told me that my Mom was real bad and it is almost time.She explained that she was in alot of pain and the hospice will give her enough medicine to go into a coma.All this time that my Mom has been sick it did not seem like she was really sick.I mean knowing she had cancer should have registered but some how I really thought that she would be alright for a while.Now knowing that she is going to die, I feel like a piece of shit of a son.All the complaints and dislike I had for her are forgotten.They just do not matter! I feel like a helpless little boy crying out for his mommy.Part feel foolish,angry,lost,sad,confused,and more emotions all at once.I want to sleep and never dream or wake and never sleep.Tomorrow will be a tough day at the hospital for all of us.

On a much lighter note I got a chance to talk to Phil and he wants to 100% buy my house.We talked about him moving in on August first.Still have alot of details to work out. but we both want the same thing.It is a weird feeling knowing that my life is about to change.I have been wanting to full time for years and now I am scared.I still have to prove to myself that I can actually do it.Never fitting in,really makes it hard to feel confident that I will fit into the RV community.Really hope that this is the direction my life is suppose to take.Well I guess I will never know til I try.See ya........

Air Condition is Back, Again!!

Hello,Sorry that today's post is late.I woke up at Gary's place around 10am ready to make my phone calls.Well think again, some how my plug in charger got messed up and I had no charge on the phone.So got dressed and went to the Verizon store to buy a new charger.I hate going to those stores you sign in and have to wait for help.Then they of course try to sell you a new phone and contract.After over an hour I finally got my plug.Then it was my almost daily trip to CVS for more meds.Of course for some reason or other they were not ready so another half hour wait there.So by the time I returned to Gary's place it was after noon.Then it was time to charge the phone, so did not get to make my calls today.
Went home to take a shower and take my meds,Then I stuck on the television and watched sports center.About 2pm Gary came home from work at Pizza Hut.It was slow so he came home early.We sat and talked for a while and then Tony(person working on my a/c called me.He was working on it and needed me to turn on the unit inside.I clicked on cool a it worked.He double checked everything and it was good to go.So thank goodness, I am back in the normal temperatures instead of the heat.I moved my stuff from Gary's back home and did some wash.Took a shower and went to Frank's house to watch the movie Pink Panther 2.It was silly funny but exactly what the doctor ordered.I felt like a little kid going to the movies to see the original pink panther series.It really was nice to just not think about all the crap going on in my life, for a while.I truly love Frank and Marcy.They are such good people.We always enjoy our time together.Got home at around 11pm and watched a little TV.Another day done, see you tomorrow...

Thursday at Gary's House

Hello,Another day without air conditioning at my house.I spent last night at Gary's and will tonight too.It is a very stressful period of my life right now.Money is tighter then it has ever been,I feel like shit,and my mother is really becoming bad.Joy called me today and told me that my mother was going to be transferred to hospice.It is amazing that I was just getting ready for vacation,a week ago. Now I am stressed more then ever.It is time to really evaluate the importance of things that are in my life,I need to cut lose all the negative influences and thoughts to really make my goals a reality.Nothing today happened worth reporting.

I feel that I am walking aimlessly in the smoke filled fog of the cold bitter night.No light to shine the way,nor fire to warm my bones.Just the part of me that fears the unknown.It is unable to be felt with my hands but looms heavy in my heart and mind.The screams are heard through the darkness.The sounds are ignored and the tears rain.Alone in a crowd or by myself. life mocks me and laughs at my pain.Succeed or travel where time no longer matters.

I felt a little poetic . See you tomorrow....

Burning Hot Wednesday!

Hello,Well forget about the frying pan because today I am right into the fire.It is 90 degrees out with 0 wind and 66% humidity.I tried to do my running around today and take my time doing it,I went to the bank and to blockbuster.Neither one took a great deal of time.Then I stopped to have lunch at Pollo Campero, which is as you guessed a Spanish chicken place.After that it was off to Super Target for food for the kitty's.Then one last stop at yup you guessed it CVS for some meds.Then it was back to my heat box.I still feel very sick and this heat is not helping at all.Some where in the next hour or so, Gary will get home and I will go over and chill at his place for a while.Hopefully my friend Mark is able to pick up the new blower motor so that Tony can replace it and fix my drainage problem.I can not do this again.It is just to hot to play around with not having a/c. Tonight hopefully I will be sitting in my living room with my air working visiting on the chatline. but we will see.....