Saturday, June 27, 2009

Sad Saturday!

Hello,Today was not a good day,although some good things did happen.First, I got up at 9:30 am to make my calls at 10am.Started out great,booking the first person that I talked to.Then around 10:30 my sister Joy called me.She told me that my Mom was real bad and it is almost time.She explained that she was in alot of pain and the hospice will give her enough medicine to go into a coma.All this time that my Mom has been sick it did not seem like she was really sick.I mean knowing she had cancer should have registered but some how I really thought that she would be alright for a while.Now knowing that she is going to die, I feel like a piece of shit of a son.All the complaints and dislike I had for her are forgotten.They just do not matter! I feel like a helpless little boy crying out for his mommy.Part feel foolish,angry,lost,sad,confused,and more emotions all at once.I want to sleep and never dream or wake and never sleep.Tomorrow will be a tough day at the hospital for all of us.

On a much lighter note I got a chance to talk to Phil and he wants to 100% buy my house.We talked about him moving in on August first.Still have alot of details to work out. but we both want the same thing.It is a weird feeling knowing that my life is about to change.I have been wanting to full time for years and now I am scared.I still have to prove to myself that I can actually do it.Never fitting in,really makes it hard to feel confident that I will fit into the RV community.Really hope that this is the direction my life is suppose to take.Well I guess I will never know til I try.See ya........

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