Wednesday Weeping

Hello, Had a hard time falling a sleep again last night.Did not even lay down in my bed till after 7 am.Got to bed around 8am and woke up a little after 3pm.Messed around on the computer and the Joy told me that everyone in my family was getting together for diner.So Joy,Brandon Steve, and Mike picked me up around 5 pm.We were meeting Dad,Sheila,Donna,John,Shane, Julia, Brittani,and Christopher at the Inverary Dinner. Just to recap Joy and Donna are my sisters.Mike and John are my brothers in law.Steve,Shane and Brandon are my nephews.Brittani and Merrisa(who was not there) are my nieces.Christopher is my great nephew(son of Merrisa but adopted by Donna).So any way we all ate together.I had my camera with me but was in another world and forgot to take a picture.I ate a Greek combo which had spinach pie,moussaka, and Pissaro.I was pretty good not great,except the spinach pie it was great.Went back to Donna's new place after diner for a while then they dropped me of at home.

I felt blah all day.It was nice being together but I felt so shitty that I could not enjoy it.Then my nephew Steve got some more upsetting news and brought everyone down with him.One funny note, I got passed the ketchup at diner and went to shake the bottle but the cap was loose and ketchup went splattering all over.It is just real frustrating because I can not think clear at all.No one understands that my mind literally shuts down on my when over stressed. I am just going through the motions of living my life right now.I am really lost and do not know what is going to happen in the next couple months.I will not believe the deal with Phil with buying my house will be done till I see the money in my hands.The way that I am viewing the world right now is very distorted.Mad at the world,mad at my life, and mad at myself.Everybody would be alot happier if it was my funeral on Friday.At diner I looked around and noticed that if I was not there nothing would be much different.My life does not positively effect one persons life in my family or friends.I am the albatross around my families life.Anyway hopefully tomorrow is a better day.For those of you that read my journal I apologize for the depressing and painful life that I've involved you in.See those still interested on the flip side......