Thursday at the Golden Corral

Hello,This will be a short entry today.Went to bed at 5:30am and slept til around 3pm.When my feet hit the floor , it was the usual feed the cats,take my meds and check my phone messages.Not sure if it was mentioned but last week I went to Wendy's for dinner.When I go,which is not that often,I usual get a few meals.That is what I did last Tuesday night as well.The food was cold,burnt and just plain stunk.It was not the first time that the food was bad from this particular location.I actual remembered to write an email explaining my experience and the others like it in the past to the Wendy's corporate offices.Today the area manager called me to apologise and offer to replace the entire order.Good deal considering that my order was over $18 and four meals for me.So guess what I am having for dinner tomorrow night.Tonight, Gary and I went to the golden corral for dinner.It was good and with a drink my meal was around $14 for all you can eat.Ate a good bit but surprisingly did not over do it, which is what usually happens.It was nice to just get out for a while anyway. Did not get a chance to book anymore appointments for tomorrow but its OK.Frank said today's appointments were not to great but it is a numbers game.Well that's all I got for you today.See you tomorrow....

Workin Wednesday

Hello,Today was all about making phone call since there were no appointments set for the week.So how was the day you ask? Only was my best day since this venture began.I booked eight count them eight appointments in one day.That is my weekly goal and man I was on a roll.Four of them are for tomorrow,three are scheduled for Friday and another one for the 17th of August.So that really made my day.Tomorrow's goal is to book 2 or 3 more for Friday then that's it for the week.Frank's brother is flying in from France next week and he will be staying for two weeks.Frank and I will set a specific schedule maybe one or two days a week.

I left another message for Manny but still have not heard back from him.Well hopefully he is so busy selling places that my place will just fall in line.We will see what happens in the coming days and weeks.I can not count on people that are suppose to be my friends, so lets see how things shake out.It was Gary's birthday today so I went over this morning after not sleeping much and also went over tonight for an hour or so.Tomorrow night we are going to go to dinner at a Chinese buffet or Golden Coral.Either way I will not be eating all day so I can stuff my belly full of food.

Today is one month since the death of my mother.It really was a fast month filled with all kinds of bad news.Like that song on HEE HAW "If it wasn't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all." Well my hope is that august brings some much needed good news.We will find out together, in this here journal.Thank you to those of you that follow my life's ups and downs.See ya all tomorrow....

Not the Greatest Tuesday!

Hello,Today was a not feeling so well day.I did not get out of my bed for the day until about 4:30 pm.I called to leave a message for Manny so, maybe I'll hear from him tomorrow.My brother Scott called me today.He informed me that his friend Mark is in the hospital with liver cancer.Mark you might remember is the guy that fixed my AC the first time without charging me a penny.Scott.who is usually really strong is very scared and upset about Mark.I am as well. He has always been very giving and helpful to me.I did not feel well enough to make calls today.Maybe whatever made me feel like this today is what was effecting me yesterday as well.I did go over to Gary's for an hour, just to get out of the house.After that came home and got in the chat room.Now just finishing this til tomorrow ....

Early Bird Does Not Always Catch the Worm

Hello,Well after forcing myself to lay down in bed at three in the A.M. ,so that I would be able to be up and making phone calls by ten.For some reason at six,I just could not sleep anymore.So I did this and that for a couple of hours,Then at eight,I broke down and called Gary to see if he wanted the buy one sausage Mcmuffin get another free deal.I very seldom eat Mcdonalds but for some unknown reason today the taste was there.So I ended up getting the muffins and going over to Gary's for a bit.I broke down and took a couple of drags of a cigarette.Its funny I really do not enjoy it but still I try.Since I did not enjoy it, it was actually good reinforcement of another reason not to smoke.But stupid me I am sure sometime or another it will be tried again.Oh well, what can you do if its not this it is that.Always something going on, good or bad its happening.After only talking to one or two people in more then an hour of calling. It was time to give it a rest and call again in the nighttime.It is 6:30 as this entry is written and the juice is just not there tonight.Not making excuses but most of these leads are pretty beat up.Frank will most likely stop by later to drop off some much needed new ones.So, tomorrow is the day that the appointments will be made.I do not necessarily feel bad but I just feel yucky.Something is just not right.Most likely its that Mcmuffin fighting back against me.Nothing else really exciting happened today.Tomorrow Manny will get a call so he does not forget to sell my place.See you then....

Sunday the 26th of July

Hello,Well when I say nothing happened today, it is an understatement.Slept til after three in the afternoon since my head didn't hit the bed til after eight am.My internal clock is all messed up and even when sleeping it is not real deep sleep most of the time.So when I got up feed the cats, took my meds, and got on the computer.I signed up for this service called mp3rocket a couple of years ago.It was like $30 for lifetime use of the service.It is a place where you can download all types of music to play on your computer.The only problem was that they were written in another language then an ipod reads.But, for some reason today after over 2 years of trying all of my music from rocket mp3 got into my ipod and got translated to ipod language.Do not ask me how, why or what the heck happened all the sudden but it did.The stereo in my truck has a connection that you can plug an ipod into it.So that is good news, I can create playlists that play for how long that I want to drive.It is a good way to keep track of time without looking at a clock.You can group the songs to create a mood or just mix everything up and shuffle the play.No commercials, and instant access to any song if you get in the mood for it.If this keeps working then if I am listening to the radio and like a song I can download it when I stop for a break.OK enough about that but it is a cool thing.

Besides that really nothing else happened the entire day.Since quitting smoking cigarettes I have not gone over to Gary's because he is a smoking machine.One thing really bothers me though, I have not called so we have not spoken.It is amazing that if I do not initiate hanging out that he does not call me or anything.Most people I would think did not like me if that happened but he never wants me to leave when I visit.It is just laziness on his part.Believe it or not if it doesn't have to do with smoking,drinking,watching TV or sleeping then it is to much effort.By the way it is Sunday and like everything else Phil has promised ,his promise of giving me $100 Thursday or Friday fell by the waste side.Like that old country song says I need to start hanging out with a better class of losers.At least I do have some great people in my life.Tonight will be spent talking to friends in the chat room and then followed with a movie.See you tomorrow for the start of a new week....

The 25th of July

Hello,Today was Saturday and I actually had a good day.Well let explain, it did not start out good, but a phone call changed that.Last night I did not get home from Frank's house until after one in the morning.After putting Olivia(his daughter) to sleep at 9, Frank and I ordered pizza from Papa Johns from the Internet.Just after ordering the pizza Frank called the front desk security guard to his community, to let him know to let delivery guy in the community.The guard was a jerk and told Frank to use the phone service to put in the request to let the driver in.Frank called but the service was not working so he called the guard back to make sure he understood to let the pizza guy in.Well about 10:30 Marci(Franks wife) called Frank to tell him that she had two phone calls from the front gate telling her that the guard was not going to let the pizza guy past the gate.So Frank calls the guard to ask why he did not let the driver in and he tells Frank that he never called.So long story short we never got the pizza.We ate some frozen pizza that Frank had.It was not good at all and I was so pissed off at the guard.Frank is to polite and did not even give the guy a lashing.Since I am so poor I was looking forward to eating real pizza all week.Because of one idiot not only did we not get the pizza but we did not start the movie until almost 11pm.On the way home I stopped at Dunkin Donuts to bring some home.

When arriving home it was like my body just woke up for some reason.So I fooled around on the computer and watched TV.By the time I looked at the clock it was after 8 in the morning.So stayed up to make calls from ten to eleven but no luck.Layed down at fifteen after eleven and woke up a little after four pm.After getting up, feed the cats, took meds , and returned phone calls.Only got in touch with Frank and he thought that I just slept and did not make calls.Olivia was sick and kept him up most of the night.Then he had a busy day scheduled, so he was beat. Called Scott back but he never returned my call.Then I left a message for Howard.The rest of the day I was downloading music off the internet and playing on the computer.

After my Mom died, my sister Joy was able to get in touch with my cousin Gary.He, Jeff, and Cory are the children of my Mom's sister Sid(my Aunt).Well Gary sent Joy an email with everybodys contact information.Today I decided to call and leave a message on all three of my cousins cell phones.Around 9 tonight Cory called me back.She was the only one to call me back but tomorrow Jeff and Gary will probably give me a ring.Cory and I for one reason or another just fell out of touch.She, like me is the youngest of the 3 kids.We also share the fact that we deal with depression and anxiety issues.She is also on disability due to her emotional problems.Unlike me she is married and has a son.We talked for 2 hours and it seemed like 5 minutes.We both had so much to say and so many question that we often talked over each other.It was so great and yes I am using the word great to talk to her.It was like a part of my life was reopened and this family member that has been a stranger for all these years has come back.I am already looking for campgrounds in the Tucson area to go there as soon as I get on the road.We will see what happens in the future but it is exciting,being excited about anything these days.Well hey what do you know something to report and it was good news.We will see if I can find some tomorrow.See ya then......

Friday the 24th of July

Hello! Well sorry but today's report is not going to blow your socks off.Did not set any appointments today and did not talk to anyone as a matter of fact.Just one of those days. Oh Well !! I woke up early for me, it was around 9 am.It was surprising to me to be up and alert.Considering my head did not touch a pillow until almost 6 am.The majority of the day was spent fooling around on the computer.Not sure if I'm the only one but when on google maps my imagination runs wild.I take every road on my dream journey's.Make plans like I will one day for real.Something happens to me, a feeling of joy,wonderment,and the feeling of getting lost whenever those darn maps take my attention.Also spent alot of time price shopping many different items on the Internet,Some were needs but most of them were just wants.Other items that were compared were just dream items, that would need me hitting the lottery to get.

Tonight is pizza and movie night over Frank's house.Marci is having her girls night out, so Frank and I are doing guys night in.It really depends on what time I get home from his house whether or not I will see any of you on chat later.I hope so! See ya tomorrow....

Thursday July 23

Hello.Nothing special to report today, as I once again slept in.Tonight is going to be a night off from making phone calls for Frank.The reason being is that he is all booked up for tomorrow.So Friday and Saturday will be spent booking up Monday the 27th.Do not really have any big plans for tonight except to watch a movie later and stop on the chat line.Do not have alot of food in the house, so I just might go grab some Chinese food.Still have not heard anything from the sales guy Manny.Made my trip to CVS, the bank and got one movie from blockbuster earlier in the day.Besides that unfortunately everything else is the same, sorry for the inactivity.I will try again tomorrow....

Wednesday July 22

Hello,Slept in again after not going to sleep until the weeeeee hours of the morning.Made my phone calls in the evening and ended up setting two appointments for Friday.That means in three days my total is nine appointments set.My goal each week is to set eight or nine so that lets me get a jump on booking Monday filled up.So that part of my life is at least going well right now.Have not heard anything more from Manny(The sales guy), but it has only been a couple of days.talked to Joy this afternoon and she informed me that next Friday, the 31st will be the reading of the will.It is actually taking place about 3 to 31/2 hours north of here in a town called Clermont.It is not to far away from Orlando, because that is where mt Mother's house and land are located.She set up her will while she was still living up there ,so most likely, I am not going to be in the will.Told Joy that I'm most likely not going to go up therefor the reading.That would be a long and lonely drive home if my instincts are correct.Besides that Phil stopped over and said that he is going to start paying me off and I will have $100 this Friday.He did finally admit to me that ha was having a problem with drugs and please do not think he was capable of doing the stuff he has been doing now that he has stopped taking the drugs.We will see what happens in the future but my breath is still not held.Nothing else to report except I decided to stop smoking cigarettes today.Last time it lasted 6 months without one and now with experience this should be it.I will never say never but it won't be for awhile.Well goodnight Canada and The US of A see you after the next sunrise.......

Just Tuesday

Hello,Today will be short and sweet.Had trouble sleeping so ended up sleeping til 3pm.When the meds were taken and the cars feed , my day started.Made my phone calls around 5pm til around 7:30pm and ended up with four appointments.So even though they were done late.at least they got done and four is a good day.After that, took my daily trip to Gary's house to shoot the breeze.By the time I left it was 9:30pm and hunger was setting in on my belly.Got in my car to get some movies at blockbuster and food at wendys.Came back to the house and munched on my burger and fries while watching the movie WATCHMEN.It was a good enough movie a little confusing and very gruesome.It was very interesting and to say the least unique.Now it is after1am on Wednesday, when writing this post.Well enough excitement for you for today , see you tomorrow.......

Monday at home

Hello,Another day is now over and it is time to write about it.Well some good stuff to report.First as promised yesterday, the phone calls got made today.Ended up setting three new appointments, so that is a good work day.About 2pm it was time for the daily trip to CVS.On my way back the guy named Manny called me from the home sales office.Not even ten minutes after I got home from CVS he knocked on the door.He came in asked some questions and looked around.We discussed price and he let me know what amount I could sell it quickly for.It was more then Phil was going to pay me and if the buyer is interested in the appliances I can charge them separate for them.It would be nice if the buyer also wants my 65 inch HD TV.It would save me placing an add in the paper.It was nice to get a ballpark figure and now we will see what happens.Manny said that he has a couple people in mind already that asked for a doublewide.The soonest that I would be able to move out would be September first.Since I will pay the lot rent for august, it makes sense to give myself time to throw away and sell everything not coming with me.Still have not heard anything from Phil and so not think it will happen.Give people a chance and they will expose there true colors.Well good for him he screwed me out of at least $1,000.Who knows what else he might have stolen from me without my knowledge.OH WELL YOU LIVE AND LEARN.Got to look forward, that is where my goal is in the future not behind me.Not much of anything else happened today and tonight I will watch WWE Raw on TV.See you around the bend......

Sunday with Steve

Hello,Well once again sleep did not begin till the early morning hours.This time I was hanging out with my nephew Steve.It was nice visiting with him for the night.Yesterday,I pointed out some of Steve's less the good qualities.Today I need to tell you that he really does have a good heart but just needs direction.At his age, he needs to find it sooner rather then later.Not that he is old a 25, at all but he really needs a purpose to motivate him.Anyway just my opinion and who am I to talk.I am a handicap poor person, hardly making my own bills at 37 years old.I do love and care about Steve very much.Woke up at around 3pm and watched the Yankees game with Steve.We got hit with another severe thunderstorm, so he hung out at my place til after 6pm.After writing this I will go to Gary's for a while and maybe get on the chatline later.I will without a doubt be making my phone calls at 10 am tomorrow morning and every day this week.No more slacking or missing time.The money is badly needed in these parts.See you at the start of a new week....

Another Wasted Saturday

Hello,Well my internal clock is still real messed up.Another night that falling a sleep was just a dream.The alarm went off at 9:30 am and the day started off with me getting sick.After flushing my last couple of days meals down the drain, and feeling dizzy.My body took a vote. and the winner was lay back down.Of course after the teeth got brushed and the listerine got swished to get the nasty taste out of my mouth.At that point it was time to rest and the next thing that I knew it was 2:30 pm in the afternoon.Another wasted day that the phone calls did not get made.When you are broke days like this absolutely kill the bottum line.But, it would not have been a productive day feeling and sounded like I did.Still have not heard anything from the office about someone coming out to take a look at my place to give me an estimate on its potential worth.

My nephew Steve is on his way over as this is being writted.He left a couple of messages while my body held down the bed.Before my mother's death Steve was living at his father's place in Georgia near Atlanta.Now he is staying at my sister Joy's house sponging off of them for a while.He is a slacker, just kinda cruising through life and staying for free at place to place.He is 25 and really does not have any direction.I love him but just wish he would do something with himself.Anyway he just got here I might write more later, if not see you tomorrow......

Fast Friday

Hello,Today was a fast moving nothing happening type of day.It began with me not being able to go to sleep.Finally at about 5:30 -6am the bed called for someone to come lie down on it.Frank had said that he was going to call me in the morning to let me know when to book his appointments on Monday.He already has a couple of things scheduled during the day on Monday, so I did not want to double book him.Well anyway he was so busy that he forgot to call me and I forgot to wake up.When my feet hit the ground again it was after 3pm.Then did my morning stuff.Take my meds,feed the cats. return phone calls, check my emails and things of that nature.Then Gary got home and we got to talking about different things.I had to take trip to the bank to take out money.By the time I returned and talked to Gary a little more it was 7pm.My friend Mario stopped over for a minute or two.Talked to Frank and found out about his busy day.His wife Marci was suppose to go out with friends for the night.She ended up not feeling well.Frank and I had planned a guys night in, by ordering pizza and watching movies.So there went my plans for tonight.So now I am writing this post and will end up watching TV for the rest of the night.Maybe later go on the chat line to say hello to some friends.That is going to be the end of another exciting day in my life.The guy from the park sales office never called or stopped by my place.Well he might have stopped by before three but he was suppose to call first.Tomorrow is another day and I'll see you then.......

Reality Thursday

Hello,Another day another lesson learned.Phil says that he did not get the loan and that he will start paying me some from every check.I learned never to mix friendship and money.It is not a new lesson but it really came shining through today.Let me get off of that subject before I get mad.Finally went to the office to ask about my options about selling my place.They have a service that charges $1500 to sell your place.They made me aware that the older moblehomes like mine have been selling very well lately.So tomorrow someone is suppose to call me and the come by my place to tell me what my place is worth.So I am a little excited to find out a price they will come up with.Anyway it is nice that I followed through with going to the office.

The only other thing that I really did today was go shopping at Publix.I needed cat food, soda and something for diner.I ended up getting a sub sandwich for my meal.They had their brand soda buy one get one free so I stocked up and got ten of them.I went over to Gary's place for a little bit.I also measured the bed of my truck.It is eight feet long and five feet wide.I have decided to get either a campertop or flattop for the bed for additional storage. I am just starting to look, but it is going to depend on how tall my generator stands.If it fits under the flattop that would be better since its cheaper.Well we will see what tomorrow brings......

Noisy Wednesday

Hello,They are putting in a new moblehome on the street behind me three spots down,So I was not able to make phone calls this morning due to all the noise.Banging, pounding,drilling,screwing and cutting all day long.It does alot to help this screaming headache that I've had on and off for a while now.Well I guess that's progress, in the neighborhood anyway.There are only a handful of older homes like mine left in the park.So,I am going to go to the office to review my options about getting from under the lot rent and high electric bills that more then drained my funds.Been meaning to go to the office all week but for some reason it keeps slipping my mind.Whats left of my mind, anyway.So I was able to drown out a good bit of the noise outside with a noisy fan that I have and get some much needed rest.It is around 5pm now, so soon I am going to make my phone calls to see if I can get some people home at night.

Well ready for a big, big surprise? Are you sure you are ready and can handle the shock of this next statement.A shock to all as I mentioned it is around 5pm and have you seen Phil.Guess what, me neitherI.Called him at around 9:30am and left a message.He did text me back saying that his manager called and asked him to open the park.He said "won't be long call you when I get out"Hey giving the benefit of the doubt, that he had to stay and work all day.It only takes a minute to call or text,just to let me know that it is not going to work out again today.Anyway I am through waiting on Phil, if he comes around and everything works out, it at this point would be only a bonus.Not making excuses for him in the least but he has been going through alot of stuff as well.Everyone handles situations differently. Who is to say who is right or who is wrong?Certainly not me with all my hang ups and problems.I will just simply say that I would handle things in a different way then Phil is handling the situation.It does make me feel rather unimportant to someone that has been one of my best friends.Then again I have the opportunity to go to the office everyday to review my options and I have not so we are all messed up in our own way.

I did call my sister Joy today and had a nice little chat.She had told me she was on her way back from picking up my Mom's death certificate.I joked "How Fun" she said exactly no fun at all.She did tell me that she was going to give me $500 of my Mom's cash that was left in her account.Joy paid the funeral expenses out of that money and gave some to other family members.Do not know if $500 is good or bad but I feel fortunate to get it at this point in my life.That gives me a little security for next month anyway.I believe in my heart that Joy will do the right thing when it comes to splitting up my Mom's stuff.She knows the dire situation that I am in and has a good heart.She does deserve the lion's share since she was the one that was there everyday taking care of my Mom.I could have never done that,even if I was in better financial shape and not disabled.I told her today what a great job she did and that she should be very proud of herself for making my Mother's last year on earth as comfortable as possible.Joy is a strong woman and has gone through alot of stuff in her own life.Donna was there for my Mom as much as she could have been.She moved back down here from North Carolina the end of May and my Mom died on June 29.It was just meant to be that she was there for Mom holding her hand as she died.Part of me wishes that I stayed the extra 45 minutes from when I left the hospital to the time she died.Another part is so glad that I was not there to actually see her dead or experience the moment she died.Donna shared with me that she still has nightmares about that moment.I actually just called her to say hello.Be right back.OK I am back.My Dad called while on the phone with Donna.He found out that they are laying off people at his job.He will be one of the first to go because he makes big money compared to what they would pay the newer employees.Then my nephew Shane called me and we chatted for a bit.What was going to be a couple minute break turned out to be longer.It is now 6:30pm.Out of all of my family members Donna is with out a doubt the best person of the bunch.Not putting anyone else down at all,but she is very honest.She always stands for what is right and does not compromise.Joy is a good person as well but she has more business Savvy.Joy would not mind screwing over a couple people or bending the rules a bit in the process of getting something accomplished.I when in the business world was ruthless but always got the job done.So we are like the three bears.Donna's was to hot(meaning she would rather get stepped on then step on anyone), mine was to cold (I would step on anyone to get the job done right)and Joy was just right(She would step on people if need be but will never ever get stepped on).It is amazing just how different the three of us are as people.But, we all get along.support and love each other, which is the important thing.If my Mom's death did nothing else it brought the three of us closer.Well still have not heard from Phil so that wraps up another day.See you on what I hope is a fantastic Friday....

Tu Tu Tuesday

Hello.It was not a bad day at all.I fact it border on being a good day.I made my calls and set four appointments.So that was a good start to the day.After that I had to make a run to CVS,the bank and Blockbuster.At the bank I deposited every cent that I have, so no more backup or emergency money.That doesn't cause me any stress at all.Supposedly, and I stress Supposedly I am suppose to get money from Phil tomorrow.We are also, suppose to talk about him buying my place.You might have picked up that I'm not holding my breath.We will see what happens tomorrow.It would not be a surprise if I have to listen to some other excuse.I am so sick of it and wish the money was not needed as bad as it is to survive.Tonight my plans include watching the MLB ALLSTAR GAME and stopping in the chat room for a while to visit my friends.

L decided to learn more about the practices of ZEN Buddhism.I do not care for any religious aspects just the concept of practicing mindfulness.Learning to live with less and getting more on focusing on the less.I have a bad habit of trying to do to much, to the point that I'm rushing through life.It causes me stress and anxiety that I do not need.Focusing on doing a few tasks and being there giving 100% of my attention is where I need to end up.If I can accomplish this one little thing I believe it will vastly effect the wholeness of my life.Instead of just enjoying the places I will go , I will also enjoy the drive.Stopping to smell the roses and only concentrating on the smell of the rose.Well we will see how that works out.....

Man It Was Monday

Hello,Today was close to being a waste of a day.I woke up to make my calls and my head felt like it was going to explode.Migraine headache to the maximum.It hurt when I just took a breath.So I took pain meds and spent the day in bed.So like I said almost a waste of a day but I am on the chatline now.It is nice to spend sometime with friends.I really need to lean on them and others right now.Feeling so stressed out that it is really effecting every aspect of my existence.

As many of you read on RV-Dreams journal my first RV friend Howard and I talked on the phone.I really appreciated the phone call especially knowing the busy schedule him and Linda keep these days.From my end it really surprised me how well we got along as individuals.I expected Howard to be a good guy, just knowing his personality a bit from reading his writing so long.What was a pleasant surprise to me was the in depth conversation we were able to have.There was really no fluff in our talk and we were able to cover a wide range of topics.Him and I have more in common then I would have ever imagined.I really look up to him for not only what he was able to do with the website but the quality of human being.Truly one of the good people in the world.He has his own mind with his own way of viewing the world that makes him a desirable person to want to know and be around.It was funny in my post the other day I went out of my way to not say that the phone call from a friend was not Howard.I did not realise that he was going to write about it in his post.I liked it and did not mind one bit.I am proud to call Howard a friend of mine besides him always being my first RV friend.

Other then sleeping today,I talked on the phone for a while with Frank.He has been so great and understanding since my Mom died.Then I went to Gary's for an hour or so to hang out.Also downloaded a few movies of the Internet to watch.Ended up watching the new Terminator movie last night.I enjoyed it and the price was right.Tomorrow after I make my phone calls it will be time to go to blockbuster.This week a movie called A Haunting in Connecticut which is based on a true story.It looks pretty freaky.You know I love my horror movies and the fact that this one is true really kicks it up a notch.Hopefully I will get some money from Phil that he owes me as well.We will find out together in tomorrow's post......

Some Sunday!

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Saturday at Home

Hello,Tonight I am hopeful that I will be able to talk to Phil and finalize an agreement on buying my place.It is so hard dealing with him because it is difficult to get a straight answer.Did not really do anything worth reporting today except for a phone call from a friend that was a real thrill to talk to them.Just watching the Yankees game and taking it easy.I did put in a application for google adsense.I figure if I make $100 a year it is more then nothing.Tonight, I am going to go to my brother Scott's house to watch a UFC pay per view.It is almost 7pm now and I will go there around 9 or 10pm.So hopefully, in the next couple of hours Phil will get in touch with me and we can figure everything out.Well thats about it for today but I will catch you on the flip-side....

Forgot About Friday

Hello,For some reason I forgot all about posting yesterday.Twenty lashes with a wet noodle for me as my punishment.Well you did not miss to much I promise you that.Did not get any appointments from my phone calls.It is weird some days I will get two in a half hour and some I can call for four hours straight and not get one.Oh well such is life as they say.Had trouble sleeping once again so I tried to lay back down, which was pretty much a waste of time.Went over to Gary's house for a couple hours in the early evening.I did get a chance to write Howard and Linda a personal e-mail sharing my feelings with them.Even though I do not know them personally,I really love them alot.I feel the same about several of my friends from the chat room.It is important to me to mention things like this when I can, because when I'm feeling down the focus is about me and my dislike for myself.I am not exactly whistling Dixie but there is a chance things will work out.I was suppose to sit down and talk to Phil face to face last night,it was his idea.But, around 9 -930 last night I sent him a text saying "Boy I'm glad I did not make any plans tonight so you and I could hang out and talk".He wrote me back saying sorry ended up watching kids, sorry should have called.Which no big deal he has alot of shit going on right now as well.I still have not found the missing stuff but he swears he did not take it and I care more about selling my place then any of that anyway.Dealing with Phil is very tiring because you can never get a straight answer.Any way not much else to report of any interest.See you tomorrow (well really later today).....

Thursday Just Another Day

Hello,Thank you to those that left comments on my last post.You must think that I am a complete nutcase, but at least with I know you are still reading my journal.So thank to my readers at least I am not talking or writing in this case, to myself.The fish were not biting today during my phone calls.I called for an hour straight number after number, but did not talk to anyone.Frank always tells me that Thursday is a big doctor's appointment days.So, I guess they all had morning appointments today.Oh, well ! I managed to go to blockbuster and rent a couple more flix.Since I pay only a monthly charge, it does not cost me anymore to rent more movies,.So why not?It keeps my mind off of all the shit going on in my life.I also went to Gary's place to chill for a bit.

Last night Joy and I were talking about the will.She is waiting for the death certificate to arrive before she can go to the attorneys.I was able to share with her on how hurt I will be if my mother did not leave me anything at all.But, I would not put it past her. When I was 13 years old I was bar mitzvahed ( I am part Jewish)and had a big party.My great mother kept all of my gift money.It was several thousand dollars.So that tells you a little bit of the type of person my mother was and why we did not talk for so many years.I am the only member of my family to ever graduate college.Even though my mother and I were not talking regularly, I expected at least a card,a phone call,I would have even settled for an email.Nothing, not a word ,much less a gift.That is why I can not believe that her death is bothering my as much as it has been.I try to think of good times and for every good memory that I remember, there is 10 bad thoughts.I will post the speech that I made at her funeral.I think I was able to say many things I wanted to, but do it in a way that came across as her still being my mom.No one came up and complained so that is good.A couple people actually said they loved it and it made them cry.Back to the point my mom knew how tough things are for me financially.So between that and just the point that no matter what I am her son.She did not help me much when she was alive, why would I think that she would help me in death.

My friend Hibbie called me today so we talked for a while.He knows its been a tough time around here, so he wanted to see how I was doing.He is also looking forward to me coming up in the RV, when I am a full timer.Who knows depending on when it actually happens I might end up staying hooked up to his house for a long time.Just a reminder he lives near Columbia, SC.In a little town named Gilbert.He has lots of land, with many tall trees all over the place for great shade.I could probably stay there for nothing and just have to take the trailer to dump it every couple weeks to a month.I figure that I will use the indoor facilities for going to the bathroom and showering.That will allow me to dump much less often.The change of scenery and more relaxed lifestyle is much welcomed.It is still in the back of my mind that in May, I will workamp in Granger,Indiana at the KOA.It was where I was suppose to go this year but hopefully next year is the year.Well anyway, I will see you tomorrow....

Wednesday Was Not Too Bad!

Hello,It rained all day today and it really poured ! I actually got up and made my phone calls today.Progress right? I actually made four appointments, so not a bad day working.So that helped my mood a bit. Then I made my exciting trip to CVS for a couple prescription.I had a half of a sub sandwich for lunch.Returned some calls and went on the computer for a while.Then with the rain flowing,I was actually able to take a nap.Its been a while since I've been able to do that.Felt great and my body needed this good rest.When the nap was over it was time to return some more phone calls.After the calls it was movie time.Tonight's DVD was a horror movie called THE UNBORN.I really enjoyed it besides the blood and guts it had a really good storyline.You do not always get a good story to follow with thrillers.Now I have That 70's show on the TV and writing this entry.Well thanks to those of you that are sticking with me, through my life melt.And on that note I will see ya tomorrow....

Tuesday in July

Hello,Yes I am still writing even if no one reads my posts.I am still feeling about as good as yesterday but I am still here.Today I at least left the house to go to blockbuster and to Publix.It was a really scorching hot day down here in south Florida.After getting home from shopping I put everything away and jumped in the shower.I could possibly be wrong about Phil taking something from my house but I do not know for sure either way.It is weird that it has disappeared and there is no sign of it.Whatever if I am wrong then I sincerely apologize to Phil but my feeling about my living my life like this still remains the same.It does not mean that I am going to kill myself today or tomorrow but I'm not going to live this way forever.I am just not strong enough to carry these feelings around with me, everyday.

Around 6:30pm I went over to Gary's for a couple of hours and vented about my life's situation.He is a good guy.I just wish that I was not such a downer but I'm not good a faking when I feel this down.Tonight I am going to watch a movie and try not to think.I did not make my phone calls again today.So tonight the alarm is set for 9am and no matter what time I fall a sleep, 10am is work time.Going to have to fake a smile for a couple of hours and set some appointments.Well I will see you tomorrow....

Meaningless Monday

Hello,If you read yesterday's post then you know that I went to bed around 7 or 8 in the morning.I got out of bed just tired as could be at around 3:30pm.It was another couple of hours of tossing and turning.I am writing this post at around 6:30 pm EST. So I have only been up three hours.Not alot of anything good to report.I am feeling really down today.Which is one of the reasons that I decided to write this post early today.That and the fact that I just wrote yesterdays post.

Joy called me while I was still in bed.So I gave her a call and she was just checking in on me.Once again I told her I was doing OK.She asked me if I made my phone calls for Frank today.Rather then going into detail about how fucked up I am, I just told her about my lack of ability to sleep.Frank also called me to check on me.He is a great friend and very understanding about whats going on.But, I could tell that he was a little not upset but disappointed that I did not make calls today.Tonight I am going to stay in bed no matter what so I can work tomorrow morning.I will go to bed at midnight, which is early for me,especially lately.My doctors office also called to confirm an appointment for tomorrow.I had to change it til the 21st because one I do not feel like going and two I have no money.It is a three hour round trip drive in gas ,plus my copay.I can not even afford to pay for my car and truck insurance right now.After tomorrow my drivers licence will be suspended because of having no insurance.So now I have that on my head on top of so much other shit.
I will really limit the amount I drive now because I can not get pulled over with no insurance and a suspended licence.So that means I will sit at home more and go more and more crazy.Yesterday I come to find out that MY FRIEND Phil took something of mine from my house.Yes even my so called friends are stealing from me.Way to kick a guy that is down.So now I seriously doubt that he is actually going to buy my place.All this time that I have been fucking around with him wanting to buy it I was not advertising or looking for buyers.Stupid me,trusting people that are suppose to be my friend.I really do not know how much more pressure I can take.I keep wondering why I am even trying to fight through all this negativity.With no money,no insurance,no friends,no mother, and no life what do I have to look forward to.Traveling is off with no money or insurance, so what the fuck do I have to live for anymore.I really do not have many friends, my family looks at me with pity and even the great people that I have met on the chat line have no need for a young loser that only complains about his life.It really hit me today how little I have to live for anymore.My cats are a big reason believe it or not.But they can be taken care of better then I can take care of them.I do not have money for vets,flea repellent, and many other important things.So I am even failing my responsibility as a pet owner.I am also not a good son,brother,uncle, or friend.I am in physical and mental pain 24 hours everyday of my life.I am overweight,started smoking cigarettes again the last month or so.I am so far behind financially that I will never catch up.I am not crying out for help to anyone because the facts are all true.I am sorry to have wasted the time of all of you that have read about my pathetic life over the past two months.I do not know what to do anymore I am really lost and afraid.Anyway its time for me to stop writing , sorry again....

Sunday went for a Swim

Hello,I did not feel like writing yesterday so here is the excitement that is my life,Woke up around noon after not really being able to sleep well.Could not fall a sleep and then decided to lie there tossing and turn all morning.I just sat around staring into space for most of the afternoon.I did return a couple of phone calls.Sheila and my Dad both called to check on me, to see if I was all right.Of course I lied and said that I was fine.Scott also called and when we talked he invited me over to go swimming.He has a beautiful pool and hot tub in his backyard.He put it in about a year ago.I will take pictures some time in the future.

About 5pm I went over Scott's to go swimming.He live 3 miles down the road from me,depending on if you get the lights it takes 5 to 15 minute to get there.When I left my house the sun was shinning and it was somewhere in the 90's.So as I am driving it is dark as hell over his house.I get there and 5 minutes later it is a storm from hell.It lasted about an hour.By that time Scott really did not feel like swimming.He went in basically to clean the pool instead of hanging out,It was not like I expected him to have the magic words to make me feel better but it was like pulling teeth talking to him yesterday.He is usually a great person to talk to but it was like he did not want to talk to me about my mom or my life yesterday.He has alot of dislike for my mom because of the way she fucked me up as a kid.We met when I was 15 and knows first hand the mistreatment that I went through.I think that he thought that I was going to ask him for financial help,(which I was not)during our conversation.He has done alot for me in the past but in all that help I have never asked him for a dime.But he has willingly helped me. on his own.He made the statement to me at the end of the night that things were tight for him right now.Which was another indication that he thought that I was there to ask for help.I was only there for emotional help which I did not recieve at all.
I got home a little after 9pm from Scott's house.I was feeling real down so I thought that I would try to lose myself in a movie.I had rented the action movie 12 Rounds from blockbuster.It was actually a very good action movie.It starred professional wrestler John Cena , who played a city cop.If you like action movies you will like this one, for sure.The W.W.E. has made a few movies now and the first couple were stinkers but the last two were OK and this one was good.After that I watched some TV, highlighted by The Honeymooners at 1am on WGN.I love that show so much. I have seen them all a million times but still love it.At 2am I tried to go to bed but could not.So I finally got up and watched TV til around 7 or 8am.Well I will start the Monday post now see you then....

Sleepy Saturday

Hello,I am so glad that the funeral is over.Yesterday really sucked and took alot out of me.I slept all day in fact did not even leave my room til after 6pm.I washed up then went to Gary's for a couple hours.Phil was suppose to stop by but never did.I am really nervous depending on him to buy my place.He is a good guy and my friend but not that dependable.I know he wants my place but he needs to step up with money. I should not have said 100% yes to selling my house when dealing with him.I came home from Gary's and munched on some of the leftovers that I took home from Joy's house.I watched the race and the Smack down on TV.I even stopped in the chat room for a while.Not much excitement today, luckily.Tomorrow will be boring too, hopefully.....

This was not a Fun Friday

I am writing this a day late.This is the post for July 3, 2009.The day of my mother's funeral.Did not really sleep much, so the day started out early.I left my house at around 10:30am to go to my sister's house.I got there and took my pain medication.Sheila was bringing me a ironed shirt and pants to wear today.She brought me pants 4 sizes to big without a belt loop and a shirt one size to small.But, I only had to wear it for a couple of hours, so it was not that big of a deal.Just a pain in the ass for a while.
My sisters and I had to go early at around one to sign some papers at the cemetery.By the time we were done in the office people were starting to arrive for the service.Everyone got there and the service began.We all had prepared our own things to say to our mother.Joy went,then Donna,and then I went.After that the grandchildren, and great grandchild spoke to their grand mom.For what it was it was nice.No major problems at all.It was really hot out and everyone was crying.
After the service we all went to my sister;s house for catered food and to spend tine together.I really did not feel like hanging out at first but after a while I was able to hang out.My sister let me take home a bunch of food and I drove home to be alone.I was real burnt out from the day, so just watched the movie The Karate Kid and went to bed.Short journal entry but I can only say so much about today.See you tomorrow......

The Day Before the Funeral

Hello,Another late sleeping day after going to bed late again.I finally got out of be around 4 in the afternoon.Returned some phone calls and fed the cats.Then I went over to Gary's for a while to shoot the shit.Phil stopped over a little after 8pm.He hung out for about a half an hour.Then I made pigs in a blanket,hot dogs and crescents.I was on the chatline for about a half hour at about 10pm.Watched some TV and now I'm writing this journal.Very exciting day once again in my pathetic life.Tomorrow is the big day and I have to still write something to say.So I will see you then.....

Wednesday Weeping

Hello, Had a hard time falling a sleep again last night.Did not even lay down in my bed till after 7 am.Got to bed around 8am and woke up a little after 3pm.Messed around on the computer and the Joy told me that everyone in my family was getting together for diner.So Joy,Brandon Steve, and Mike picked me up around 5 pm.We were meeting Dad,Sheila,Donna,John,Shane, Julia, Brittani,and Christopher at the Inverary Dinner. Just to recap Joy and Donna are my sisters.Mike and John are my brothers in law.Steve,Shane and Brandon are my nephews.Brittani and Merrisa(who was not there) are my nieces.Christopher is my great nephew(son of Merrisa but adopted by Donna).So any way we all ate together.I had my camera with me but was in another world and forgot to take a picture.I ate a Greek combo which had spinach pie,moussaka, and Pissaro.I was pretty good not great,except the spinach pie it was great.Went back to Donna's new place after diner for a while then they dropped me of at home.

I felt blah all day.It was nice being together but I felt so shitty that I could not enjoy it.Then my nephew Steve got some more upsetting news and brought everyone down with him.One funny note, I got passed the ketchup at diner and went to shake the bottle but the cap was loose and ketchup went splattering all over.It is just real frustrating because I can not think clear at all.No one understands that my mind literally shuts down on my when over stressed. I am just going through the motions of living my life right now.I am really lost and do not know what is going to happen in the next couple months.I will not believe the deal with Phil with buying my house will be done till I see the money in my hands.The way that I am viewing the world right now is very distorted.Mad at the world,mad at my life, and mad at myself.Everybody would be alot happier if it was my funeral on Friday.At diner I looked around and noticed that if I was not there nothing would be much different.My life does not positively effect one persons life in my family or friends.I am the albatross around my families life.Anyway hopefully tomorrow is a better day.For those of you that read my journal I apologize for the depressing and painful life that I've involved you in.See those still interested on the flip side......