Relaxing Sunday

Hello all and welcome to my relaxing Sunday.For some reason the one day that I can sleep in, because I do not make my phone calls.I ended up waking at 8 am.Very confusing to me how that works out. Every other day it is hard for me to get up at 9:30AM.Especially the fact that I went to bed after 4Am.So I wrote my post that I forgot to do yesterday.Then I went to CVS to pick up so prescriptions.Came home ate some chicken with bbq sauce.Next watched the DVD KillShot, with Micky Rourke and Diane Cannon.It was OK, surprisingly with that cast it was a lower budget movie.While watching the movie I munched on some chips and salsa.Just to make sure I took an extra antacid pill.

After the movie the lack of sleep caught up to me and I went to take a nap.My sister Joy called me to invite me to diner.It was my nephews 13th birthday today.Joy was going to have a party for him but ended up not doing it.Then when I did not feel like going out to diner she gave me an attitude.Oh well, she will get over it.I have disappointed her many times by not going to different events over the last couple years.But in my defence most of those times I did not feel good mentally or physically.One thing that I needed to decide is to do what I want to do.I am not married and have no obligations to anyone but myself and my cats.That was actually a very difficult obstacle for me.When you suffer from identity or personality disorder, your first reaction is to do things that make other people happy.I realize that my choices are not the ones that everyone would make but I have to nurture myself.


One situation that I am not proud of that is going on currently is my Mom is in the hospital.I can not bring myself to visit her while she is in. A private note, my mother and I did not talk for 15 years.I have only started talking to her within the last year.It was a big step for me to release alot of the anger that I have towards her.She has her own mental issues and she was a very negative influence in my life.I am to old to continue to blame her for the mental and emotional problems that I suffer from.But if you knew my mother,I think you would agree it was not a healthy place to grow up around her.Of course if you ask her to this day she was the greatest mother in the world.As you can probably tell I have not nor will I ever fully forgive her for the hell she has put me through.Things that most mothers would do as a natural feature of being a mother, were like special favors that she would hold over your head.Because of her hot and cold abuse it left me lacking in personal interaction skills.This is one of the reasons that I have not been able to have a stable healthy relationship.Anyway the point is I do not want to see her in the hospital because at this point in my life I can not handle it.It is hard for me to just put on a smile and pretend that everything is OK.That is how I spent most of my life.Pretending my way through life.This also attributed to me having problems with identity.Because if you are constantly trying to be someone you are not, you lose who you really are.I am at 37, just beginning to learn how to create boundaries in my life.These boundaries are to only do the things that I am comfortable to do.Whether I choose not to do something because it physically,emotionally, mentally,or is something that I do not want, as an adult I owe no explanation for my actions.As long as I am not hurting or preventing others from living their lives, then I do not want to hear your reasons why I should do something.Also the only law that I break once in a while is smoke pot.It is a much better pain reliever then the Oxycontin that I take.Some might be strongly against marijuana but that is your problem it should be legal.It is much less abrasive the alcohol.But anyway let me get off my soap box.

The other day when I was at my brother Scott's auto shop, we were talking about this journal.I mentioned that I had some followers that actually care about me and my life.Then he asked me something that really made me think about my family life.He asked out of all of my followers, how many people in my family read my journal.Not one even though I have given each of them my site address.It brought me back to when I first learned about my borderline personality disorder. There is a book that I asked everyone to read that does a great job explaining in practical terms what I go through on a daily basis mentally.The book is called"I Hate You,Don't Leave Me".Guess how many in the family read that one? Actually my sister Joy did 8 years after I asked her to.The reason being my nephew Brandon, who just turned 13 today was diagnosed with BPD also.You know I really do not ask my family for much.I mostly stay to myself.Not one of them could take a couple of hours or show the least amount of interest in my life.Talk really is cheap! Coming to sit in a hospital when I have surgery is a nice gesture,actually Joy is the only one that ever even bothered to do that,but finding ways to help each other is much more important.

All that being said,I am not great at being there for my family either.No excuses, I am just not, it takes every fiber of my being to just get through my day.But, it is really a catch 22 situation staying to myself to protect myself, also prevents me from being a better brother, uncle, or son.Well hell I can not figure the answers in one day.Today I would really appreciate your comments.See you on Monday, I have a doctors appointment, fun fun....

I Just Plain Forgot to Write Saturday

Well it was not because I was to busy or had a full day that I did not write yesterday.I simply forgot to write.Oh well, there is a first time for everything.To tell you the truth you did not miss all that much.But, all in all it was not a bad day.Not very exciting but my mood was pretty good most of the day.

I woke up around 9:30AM.Started making my calls a little after 10AM.During the course of my phone calls I was able to book 2 appointments for Monday.That brings the total to 5 for Monday with a 6th that it possible.So far I set 4 of the 5 and if the 6th one comes to fruition, then that would make 5 out of 6.Considering that Frank averages a sale in 1 out of 3 appointments, things are looking up.I try to call Monday,Tuesday,and Wednesday to book up Thursday.Then I call Thursday,Friday, and Saturday to book up Monday.It is a system for the time being that is working.Like the old saying goes, " If it ain't broke don't fix it".

I finished making my calls right around noon.The weather was nice in the morning.So I popped my head out to enjoy some of the day.I ended up going over to Phil's house and taking pictures of his adorable daughter Lilly.she was playing with a storage bin and water.If only something so small made my day.As you can see by the pictures,she has some great personality.I feel very fortunate to have been able to watch her grow from infant to an active,intelligent3 year old.I do not want kids at this point of my life but if I had a little girl I would want her to be Just Like Lilly.

After hanging out and taking some pictures of Lilly, I decided to go to Super Target.I needed a couple of things and It was nice to get out of the house for a while, too. I ended up getting litter,cat food and some groceries.It is a huge store so the walking,although painful is good for me.I originally went to see if they had a 30 amp female to 50 amp male adapter.Of course they had nothing even remotely similar.I might try walmart next.If worse comes to worse, I will get one from good old camping world.

When I got home from target, it was shower time.My friend Frank dropped off some sheets with more numbers for me to call.Then I went over to Gary's house for a while to hang out and shoot the shit.While there I got a craving for a beer.I never hardly drink alcohol, especially with all the medicines that I take.So I ran up to the store to get beer and a lotto ticket.As I am writing I just looked and I got 3 of 6 numbers.So I won$5.50, darn half way there.Well at least I made a little something.

In the evening the chat room called me for a little bit.So I chatted with some great folks for a while.Then at 9:45PM boxing was on HBO.It was actually taking place down here in south Florida at the Hard Rock Casino.I have been there a couple of times and it is like a very mini Vegas.I wanted to go to the matches live, but money is tight so I got a better seat in my own house.Also, the price of the food and drinks are alot cheaper at home.Maybe next time!! I want to travel to Vegas for one of the big fights one day.Well after that I downloaded Gary's time life collection of oldies but goodies.I think I would have liked the 50's.I love the music and the style was cool.Well,I will see you later today to see how Sunday unfolds....

Friday Guess What It Rained

Hello to all of you out there.Today was a weird day.I slept on the couch so I did not miss the UPS person when they came.Did not come, so I called my mail order drug company to get the tracking order.They said nothing was shipped. I was told last Friday that there was a request to be shipped and told to call on Tuesday to make sure there was no problem.So on Tuesday I called and went through hell for them to promise that it would arrive today.Well after starting this process of getting my pain killers from January, and now this BS.I spoke to a manager Nik who looked and saw that my presciption arrived there on April 20. OK so my prescription has been there over a month and he saw that I have talked to at least 15 different people from Metco to find out why I have not gotten my meds.He gives me a new reason,that I am only authorized to get the meds at a retail store not by mail order.I freaked and got to the bottom of it.To make a long story short I have to resend the scripts they sent back to me, on Monday. It is so frustrating dealing with these companies.I really think they do it on purpose to have less calendar time to send out your meds.

Well it did feel great to sleep in my own air conditioned house last night.I even over slept a little to tell the truth.Time to make my calls,but could not get many people on the line.So no appointments booked today.Then I stopped by Walmart to get a new CB antenna.Found a good deal at only $10.

Office at Delray Auto and Marine

My Brother Scott Working

Employee and Friend Arly

Outside part of the Shop

I left Wally world and went to my brother Scott's autoshop.I wanted to see how my truck was coming along, and i needed a new door handle for my car.I am happy to report my truck needed a new tire and front brakes.I thought that it was going to be alot more stuff.Well I need to take it to a place with an alignment machine for trucks.The only other thing I have to deal with is a slow leak in the top of the wind shield.I will go to an autobody and glass place for that one.The fact that I told them to go through the truck with a fine tooth comb and thats all they found how can I complain.I feel great knowing the truvk is in tip top shape hitting the road.Now I am going to do that with the travel trailer too.I hope to get an automatic satallite dish and someother stuff to get installed.My brother is also very creative so I would like him to share some of his ideas with me.

After that I just came home had some lunch and enjoyed the AC.Talked on the phone a bit and got on the computer.Tonight I will probably go on the chat line for a while and watch the basketball game,Maybe something else will come up but if it does I will write about it tomorrow.........

Thursday More Rain and Air Conditioning Working

Hello today was not a bad day at all.Went to lunch with my brother and one of his employees named Arly.Then went to the bank and my friend Frank met me there with new leads to call.After that I came back to my hot house and hoped this was the day it got fixed.It was I am sitting cool tonight. This will be a short entry tonight.Went in the chatroom for a little bit and now watching the basketball game.I will be going to bed right after the game. Will try to write more tomorrow ,,,,,,,,

Wednesday another Hot Rainy One

Hello again, from sunny south Florida. Well it was sunny in the morning anyway.Then the hail came, followed by rain along with loud booming thunder, and bright lightning.It poured ,and poured ,and poured the rest of the day.After getting home from my brothers this morning and writing my journal entry.I made my daily phone calls for my friend Frank.I did not set any new appointments today,but he did get a nice sized sale.At least if you consider $270,000 a big sale.He gets a 2% commission on that and promised me 10% of that for making the appointment.Over $500 for just helping one of my close friends, not to shabby.So that made my day, positive vibes from Speedy reached me.

Then I went to lunch with my brother and his employees.After lunch, I left my truck at my brother's mechanic shop.I want him to fix a bunch of little things and go through it with a fine toothed comb.New tires if it needs them and anything else that needs to be done.Getting ready for life on the road.This is a big step and I will talk to a gentleman that offered me a small amount for my moblehome.With the economy the way that it is and me not feeling great.It might be worth a little less money to not have to deal with the frustration of showing the place over and over again.Well we will see what happens and if it works out then I can start to make real plans. That would be so nice to actually have the ability to make reservations.

On a not so happy side of the day, Marc once again did not come through with his promise to fix my AC.I already have someone lined up if it is not completed by tomorrow.I know he is doing me a favor but he knows how hard it is for me to be on my meds without cool air.To make it even worse I had to call him after 7pm for the second day in a row.Gary said that it was selfish and rude for him to not even call me.Well hopefully I will be able to relax in my own house tomorrow.Well tune in and find out.....

Tuesday May 26

Hot day in the city.Yup, you guessed it my air is still not fixed.My friend Mark had a rough day at work and never got around to the parts department to pick up the blower fan.He is helping me out so there is no call to get upset.It rained or was cloudy most of the day so even though it was hot, it could have been much worse.Not a big day at all.Went to blockbuster and then to Publix for some food.Hung out with Gary for about an hour.Then last night I went over my brother Scott's house to sleep in the AC.Man was that nice !! They have an extra bedroom but I was just fine on the couch with a fan above me and the cold air flowing.Got up at 6:30 and came home to feed the cats,take my meds, and write this post.Look at that after all this time trying I am finally writing about the previous days events.Isn't life strange sometimes? You try and try to do something, then when you stop trying it happens.That is whet was always told to single people about finding their other half.Don't look and it will happen!! Well short and sweet today.A new feature that I am going to release today is a scale from 1 -10 to measure how the day was.A one is a very,very,very, bad day and a 10 I'm on top of the world.Tuesday May 26,2009 I am a 6.This is not bad for no AC and not having a very productive day.Well I will see you later!

Happy Memorial Day!!! It is a great day to be an American.Remembering those heroes that have sacrificed for all of us.Before being in the Army,my understanding and respect for this great day was under par.As I trained and served in the service, the pride and understanding of those that blazed a trail for me and every other troop grew.From those that worked in the kitchen all the way to those on the front line .The love and admiration to those that paid the ultimate sacrifice.Due to many of the medical issues that are affecting me today, I was not a great soldier.But, I volunteered and served my time the best I could for what I have to deal with day to day.Many people that would have been better soldiers did not decide to serve time in the service.

The day began for me at 9 am. Still hot from having no air conditioning it was surprising that the bed was not more covered in sweat then it was in the morning.It was not a comfortable temperature but after many showers my body must have gotten more accustom to being hot.My friend Mark stopped over to check the air conditioning around 1pm. He came to the conclusion that it needed a new blower motor. Then he told me that he would grab me one on Tuesday from work and put it in that night.I can just pay him whatever the part costs.Well even though it is needed like a hole in the head to spend money , I cannot live in south Florida without AC for more then a couple of days.I really appreciate Mark taking time away from his family on a holiday weekend.I offered money, lunch or at least something but he rejected them all.He knows that my budget is tight and really made me feel great about how people can make a difference in other peoples lives.Thank You Mark!!!

Frank and Marci

Olivia

When Mark left I received a couple of phone calls and chatted for a while.My friend Frank invited me to a barbecue rib dinner.They served the ribs with mashed garlic potato's and grilled carrots mixed with herbs.We all enjoyed dinner and spending time together.Frank's wife Marci is a wonderful person and we get along great.They have a little girl named Olivia that is in her terrible twos.Cute as can be but boy, what a handful!!I guess they all are at that age.Frank and I went to blockbuster to rent a movie, while Marci put the baby to sleep.We all got a plate of apple pie that I actually brought over.On that plate we all had a nice big scoop of ice cream next to the pie.OK two Scoops!!!We put a comedy in and laughed our heads off.

Gary

After Mark had left and I was done on the phone I went over to Gary's for a while.It was nice to visit and sit in the air for a couple hours.Came home from there and took a shower.Then I was off to Franks house more AC in the truck and in the house.Yuppy.It was a nice day for me even though I was in some pain.Well hopefully I can make Tomorrow interesting as well..........

Hot Sunday

Well my air conditioner never got fixed today.So it is hot in my house which is never usually the case.Usually you can hang meat in my living room, but now I am using fans to get me through.That complaint out of the way today was a better day then yesterday for sure.It rained early and then was dry the rest of the day.So my pain level was not near as high as it has been.YAAAA!!I watched a couple baseball games with Gary then Phil stopped over for a while.I got on the chatline for a while. Then watched the end of the basketball game.

If my plans work out this is my schedule: Sometime in August drive from south Florida to Columbia SC then from Sept 12-Oct 6 I will go to Atlanta then to Chattanooga,TN, then to Nashville, on to Memphis to little rock AR to Dallas TX to Austin TX to San Antonio TX yo Kerrville,TX for the RV-Dreams Rally October 6 - 13.I am staying a week. From here I have no idea til I secure a workamping position.See ya tomorrow...

Pouring Saturday

Hello for the Saturday edition of my little journal. If you are in a good mood then make a u-turn now.I promised myself that I would be true when writing.No matter how long or how short the entry. I will tell no lies.That being said today in every aspect,except the Yankees winning a great game, sucked for me.There are many other words that could have been used to describe today but sucked was the nicest I could come up with.

The morning began with the most thunder that I have ever heard in my life.I have been through several hurricanes so this is not said lightly.The term pouring does even start to describe how hard it was raining outside.Do not know if it was the dampness or the pressure but I literally could not move until about 1pm.My fingers were curled,my arms stuck to my side, it felt like I was paralyzed.Could not reach for the phone that was next to my bed.Was not able to get up to go to the bathroom.It was terrifying and frustrating all at once.

Finally my fingers began to return to normal and I was able to get up to use the bathroom.I made a couple of calls to reach out to a couple of people but they were to busy with their own lives to really care about what I was going through.Maybe they cared but there was nothing they could do.So I took my meds while I knew that I still had the ability to take them.Of course kinda freaked out I made sure that the phone was on me the rest of the day.

Many times I am hot because of some of the meds that I take,I'm overweight and the fact that I am in pain most of the time.So I checked the air conditioning to see if it needed to be lowered.I heard it turn on outside but there was no air flowing through the vents.This is just what is needed when trying to sell this place in the summer in south Florida.Something like this happened once before and I was told that the air condition coil froze up.So remembering this I turned off the a/c and am now sitting in my place with only fans on.The one bright note is that because of all the rain it is not in the 90s like it has been.I have decided to wait overnight before attempting to restart the air conditioning.Hopefully, it turns out that it just needed to thaw out.I hate living my life in such poverty.One thing goes wrong and I am screwed.Days like this are reason that I wish that i was not alive.I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.The thought of getting on the road and living my dreams while I still can is one of the only things that keeps me going.That and my cats, because no one will ever love them like I do.

My entire life I have always felt like I did not belong.It did not matter the time or situation.The odd ball in the group, just had trouble being one of the gang.After feeling this way in so many situations it is still difficult for me to know if it just me feeling that way or other people looking at me because I am different or do not belong.When you go through life this way you begin to question everything you do whether in a group or even alone.Sometimes in my attempts to fit in I will go to different extremes which end up pushing farther away from what is normal.I briefly mentioned a little bit about this in an entry a couple days back but since I am in this mental state right now I wanted to share more.I do not feel comfortable in my own skin most of the time.I want to be liked and loved by everyone,but every night and most days I am alone.Even now sitting here writing this I reminisce about failed relationships from my past.Some friends and others girlfriends that I ruined because I am me.I have come up with only one conclusion of why I can never make these relationships workout.It is me! The problem is 100% me! I can not be normal,and do not know how to interact and show my feelings without being on the love or hate side of the fence.Not only is it me that is the problem but the fact that I hate me is where the rubber meets the road.

I am so scared that even the wonderful people that I meet on the road are going to dislike me.Especially the fact that I am young and without a family of my own.So many of the great people in the chatline speak about Sons and Daughters with pride.Many are retiring from there longtime careers.These are not only subjects but great accomplishments by these wonderful people.The only thing I can truly say that I am proud of is that I put myself through and graduated college.That being said every other thing in life has been a failure in one respect or another.I am 37 years old and will never be able to do so many things again in my life.My family knows I have problems both mentally and physically.None of them ever want to know how devastating these disabilities have been to my life.The common response is always there are people worse of then you.Well that is ashamed for those people and we all go through our own struggles but just because there are worse situations then mine does not make my situation any better.I do not have to live anyone elses life but my own.Trust me there are plenty of people that are doing much better then me and I do not get to be them either.

I hope that spending time on the road will allow me to truly get to know myself and a direction to head in.I want anyone that is reading this to know these things about me.I am a very loving and caring person that is trust worthy.I care deeply about my friends even though I might not have the skills to show it properly all of the time.I need to be assured and reassured that I am accepted and liked or loved.I do not want to be or do I try to be different or more unusual then everyone else. Things that are new to me ,are like there being introduced to a child at times.I apologize to anyone that reads my journal on a usual basis that just wanted to read a short happy tale, but I promise to be true to myself and record my feelings at the moment I write each day.Hopefully tomorrow is a better day.....

Sorry to let you down

Well I would love to tell you about today's exciting journeys but unfortunately it just did not happen.The only time that I went out was to CVS to pick up prescriptions and I stopped at a Mexican restaurant The restaurant was called Chipotle and I had a good burrito.It is kind of a neat place that you go in and they construct you burrito in front of you.They have different meats,salsa, beans,rice,and vegetables. First time there and I will go back.T burrito is huge and is a little over $6.I also got some chips and salsa for an extra $1.35.So with tax it was about $8, filling and very yummy. I watched a movie called Fan Boys and got a couple laughs.My friend Phil popped by for a little while to chill.Tonight i will watch basketball,boxing and Bill Maher.I will pop into the chat room for a little bit unless I get company.Well once again I will try to make tomorrow more exciting but no promises.

Rainy Days

It has not stopped raining the last three days here in south Florida.Not just drizzling but absolutely pouring day after day.Not good for the arthritis at all.Well not much to write about today.I slept til about one, because of all the pain meds I took yesterday.I take a high amount anyway, but when I go over my body lets me know the next day.I was on the computer the rest of the day just doing this and that. Tonight I will get on the chat room and mingle before turning in for the night.Well I will try to make tomorrow a little more exciting......

Hello, physically I was very sore due to the rain.I have arthritis throughout my body and damp or cold weather is a killer.I think I have to head out west.Well at least as west as Kerrville,Texas in October.I sure hope everything falls into place and I am a full timer by then.It would be great to head west with a workamping position for the winter.We will see how things go in the next couple of months. I hope to meet many of you at the RV Dreams Rally.

Thanks to my Dad and Step-Mom I had a wonderful day in spite of the pain.The first thing they did was to pick me up from my house.Might not sound like that big of a deal, but it makes a huge difference in my life.The reason being is it allows me to take enough pain medicine to not be in agony the entire time out.When I am driving I can not be that doped up or I will be another statistic.

Dad's Car

They picked me up right around 2pm, Considering the movie started at 2:10, it was lucky the theater was around the corner.I did have to snap a picture or two before heading to get our tickets.We decided to go see the movie Star Trek.None of us were huge Trekkie's at all, but this was a great movie.It was exciting from the second it starts til the credits rolled.We all left with big smiles on our faces.

Dad & Sheila

After a great movie, we had an even better dinner.Snappers is the name of the restaurant we went to eat.We had gone there one time before and all loved it.It is a seafood place with a large menu.My Dad and I got the same thing we both got the last time we were there.It is called the Admirals Platter and it is fit for a king.It had garlic mash potatos,scallops,shrimp,red snapper,Maine lobster tail and Alaskan king crab legs.Simply put, amazing! I do not get to eat like this that often but this is the second time that I have had lobster this month.Not bad for a very poor person.My Dad was kind enough to buy me a fantastic dinner.I told him I would have been fine going to get a burger or something much less expensive.He said it was his pleasure and who am I to rob him from that satisfaction.I really appreciate it,my father like many, works hard for every dime.Thank you Dad even though you will probably never read this journal.I love you and hope that we always stay as close of friends as we are today.



It was a really good day between being picked up. Then going to see a fantastic movie.Next to eat an unbelievable dinner.I will finish up the day by watching the final episode of American Idol.I really hope Adam Lambert wins the title.After Idol I will jump on the chat room to chat with some wonderful people.I wish I had more days like this one.Being with people I love and doing fun stuff.Join me tomorrow for a Thursday edition....

VALKYRIE

Hello again today was a pretty good day. I made my phone calls this morning and got booked up with appointments for the rest of the week.With Monday being a holiday next week, I will have to book up Wednesday and Thursday. so that part of the day started me off on the right foot.

After making my calls,I then called my brother Scott to see how his trip to New York over the weekend turned out.He said he had a blast and that he slept in this morning after not sleeping much on the trip.Then I called my Dad and made plans for tomorrow.Dad,Sheila(Step-Mom) and I are going to see the new Star Trek movie and then grab some dinner.So that should be fun, we always have a good time when we go out together.

Next I took a ride up to blockbuster to rent a couple of flix.As soon as my front door opened I ran to my DVD player to stick in the movie Valkyrie. It starred Tom Cruise and was about an undercover plot to kill Hitler.I enjoyed the movie very much and learned a bit because it was based on true events.It really is amazing that something so terrible went on less then 70 years ago.The holocaust is a sad event in human memory, to have that much hate for another race, or religion.Personally I have enough trouble keeping my own life together. Let alone have time to hate others so much that I would dedicate my life to it.Sadly genocide still happens in many third world nations today.

I have mentioned before that I am an atheist.To me the idea of a God is ridiculous!But that being said I do not dislike,mistreat or push my beliefs on anybody.I enjoy the same respect in turn. I do dislike when people are pushy and think they know the truth.Nobody knows anything that is why they are our beliefs.That's great if you are strong about how you feel but just because you feel strong that way doesn't make it so.Prey to whoever you want to just leave me out of it.

After I wrote my post for yesterday I went over Garys to shoot the shit for awhile.While I was there he mentioned his neighbor packed up and moved away.They left an almost brand new portable fire pit.It was a great find because I intended to get one from camping world for about $80 on sale.Well not that I had the money for it now but it was on my list of things to buy.I think it would be great to have if boondocking or the occasional campground that doesn't have a pit.

Well I hope to sit around my new fire pit with all my readers . See you tomorrow

Let us start a new week

Hello, I woke up and talked to my friend Frank. He is the one that I make appointments for his met life business.We had to move an appointment from today to Thursday.That means he has two scheduled for Thursday already.He only wants me to book four a day on Mondays and Thursdays so my work is almost done.By the time we got off the phone,It was to late to make calls.

So, I figured I would venture out into the world a little bit.I went to Publix,which is our best food market down here in south Florida.I got all my stuff and checked out.As I was walking towards my truck,I noticed a young couple standing real close to it. I asked if I could help them and they were saying how much they love this style of truck.He even had a camera and started snapping some pictures.We chatted for a little bit and I loaded up the truck to drive home.Got home unloaded and put away all the groceries.At that point I remembered to bring in my garbage cans from the front and the drove up to the mailbox to get my mail.It has been a good week since I had checked so it was packed full.Of course 50% junk mail and 50% bills.After I got home I striped down and ran to the shower.It was in the 90s and very humid out.I sweat alot anyway but being on all my meds in the sun makes me pour.Of course the only hour or so that I was gone UPS had a delivery that needed my signature.Oh well they will try again tomorrow.

I am writing this at around 3pm eastern time and when I am done I will take a little nap to be refreshed for the final two hours of my favorite show 24.It starts at 8 and is on til 10 pm.Then I will join Dee and the rest of my friends in the chat room.Well off to bed I go. See you tomorrow....

Just Stayed Home

Today I woke up still not feeling great.So,I decided not to go out to my sisters and stay in my trailer.Instead I read Howard's section about the electronic system in an RV.I thought about the solar option until reading his very well done informational pages about what they paid for their system.I just can not afford to do it.I still have some questions about adding an inverter and using a generator to boost the power back. I am not in that much of a hurry, so I will wait until the time gets closer.Maybe even until the rally in October. One of my thoughts was to get a Duracell 1800 power supply and just charge it with the generator but I need to run it by people alot smarter then me.I wanted to know about the electrical possibilities because I thought if I could not get a workamper job for next winter,I would spend it in Quartzsite,AZ.Still a possibility but I would need to get much more educated before that would come to fruition.

I just watched the Lakers destroy the Rockets in their game 7 final.It was not fun to watch because at no point in the game was it even close.As I am writing, the Magic vs the Celtics game 7 is going on.The Magic are up after the first period,so we will see how it turns out.My friend Phil is suppose to come over and watch the game with me.He is running late,and will be here around half-time.I will not bore you with sports two days in a row.

I did go out and sit for about an hour with Gary.It is a beautiful night for the middle of May here in south Florida.Got to witness a really pretty sunset,while sitting outside. Of course I did not have my camera with me and did not feel like going to get it so no pictures today.Well I am going to watch the game and relax.See you tomorrow....

Another Not So Great Day

Hello again to those of you that I did not scare away with my brutal honesty about myself yesterday.I am writing this journal for many reasons.One of them is that after I am dead and gone, these words will live on. The spinal disease (Shuermanns) that I have will shorten my life.So I have not invented anything and there will be no monument with my name on it, just these words that I type day after day.So if some of the things I write are personal and maybe even embarrassing to me it is alright.Just like life some days my stories will be fun and exciting. Others story's will be sad and depressing, such is life.I understand completely if you choose not to read the sad days or any days because life is to short to read about unhappy stuff.


OK, that all being said today I slept til about 2pm. I did not go to bed until around 5 am so sleep was needed.I watched a crappy horror movie called The Grudge 3.Man was it bad, but I kept watching thinking something was going to happen.Unfortunately it never did and I wasted 90 minutes of my life.I love horror movies. I watch them late at night with all the lights off and the volume on my surround sound way up.I will miss my 65" high definition TV the most when I become a full timer.I only watch 3 shows religiously House, American Idol & 24.I am kinda bummed House already ended for the season.The show 24 Has a 2 hour finale on Monday night.American Idol has its final episodes Tuesday and Wednesday nights The rest of the time I will watch a movie or of course sports.













Now my main focus of sports is in the NBA playoffs. I predicted the Denver Nuggets vs The Cleveland Cavaliers in the finals at the beginning of the year and now they are both in their respective finals. Cleveland is waiting in the eastern division for the winner of the Boston Celtics vs The Orlando Magic.The Nuggets are waiting in the western division for the winner of the Los Angeles Lakers vs The Houston Rockets.Both the Celtics vs Magic and the Lakers vs Rockets last game, Game 7 will be played on Sunday.The pressure is on all those teams as the Nuggets and the Cavs just relax.

As mentioned the other day I am also paying attention to the MLB season.My Yankees are an embarrassment. The Marlins are just good enough to hang in there for most of the season.I do not start watching baseball closely til after the All-Star Game in July. Then the games mean alot, the baseball season is so long a loss here or there is OK. The season is 162 games for those of you that do no follow baseball. Compared to 82 games in basketball and only 16 in pro football.



For me football is a 365 day a year 24 hours a day 7 day a week sport. I follow every trade, loss or pickup the Dolphins make. Well really any team makes but I take the Dolphin moves more personal.The Dolphins have not won a title since the 1973 season so the Superbowl they won last was in 1974. I was 3 so I have never gotten to enjoy them winning the big one.Of all the things on my bucket list that I want to experience.It is one thing that I have no control over. I could die happy if I could honestly yell out We ARE#1.But like I said I have no control over it.We do have a great front office for the team, finally after many bad years.A man named Bill Parcell's is our vice president of foot ball operations. He has built winners where ever he has been. So, It is a good time to be a DolFan. Two years ago we went 1win 1and 15 losses. Then last year we turned it all the way around to 11 wins and 5 losses. We won our division and made the playoffs.

Well I love sports as you cam see by my enthusiasm writing about them.I like almost all of them and it is hard for me to comprehend people that are not interested but to each their own.I really do not know what my life would be without sports and do not want to think about it.Boxing is also a favorite of mine and on Saturday the 30th of May, it will be live here in south Florida.I am waiting to fund out from a couple of friends if we will go to the matches.I hope so, I have never been to the matches live. I was suppose to go a couple years ago in Las Vegas but Hibbie and I forgot about the time difference and planned to go to the fights at 8 pm.Only they started 8pm eastern time and the fights were over when we got there.Just my luck!

Well I guess sports helped me through another post. Til tomorrow....

Did Not Feel Great Today

Play Song on Video when Reading.

Friday to the working person is a great day if you have your weekends off.When you are off everyday the days are separated by the days you feel OK, and those that you do not.Today was one of those that I just did not feel to great. I slept in thinking that would shake the bad feelings and pain away.Surprise, both were there upon my waking up.Some days peanuts,some days shells is my motto.

One thing that I need my readers to understand is that my emotional issues are just as prominent as my physical.I have something called Borderline Personality Disorder, which is complex and difficult to deal with for me.It is also sometimes difficult to deal with me when it gets the best of me.This is one of the reasons that I am still single today.I want the relationship to work so badly that I act irrational and end of scaring away my potential mate. It makes me feel like a child lost in the forest, so if I ever come across a needy or clingy, it is the BPD sticking its ugly head out.I am taking several medications to battle it but sometimes it still can show itself and bite me on the ass.

Along with BPD, I was also diagnosed as Bipolar. Which was scary for me to find out because you hear all the stories of Manic people.It is controlled well with my meds so fortunately I do not have to deal with the extreme highs and lows that I use to have. But like anything meds only suppress and do not eliminate all symptoms.It is kind of a double edged sword to be a big guy.One people expect this tough guy and if you show emotion it is a sign of being wimpy.The other is the fact that weather through my disorders or my nature I am a gentle soul, with strong emotions.I can defend myself if needed but I am a softy that has been stepped on to often.

The third diagnoses that I suffer from is Attention deficit disorder (ADD).It distracts me from enjoying the moment.It really sucks and the meds help some of the time.For example I love most sports.Instead of being able to enjoy the game itself, my mind can not wait til the end. This is a major cause of stress for me and prevents me from reading like I did in the past.I lose my chance to stop and smell the roses. This is one of the reasons that becoming a full timer is so important to me. My hope is that my mind relaxes with the beautiful surroundings and allows me to enjoy each moment.One thing is the great people that understand the philosophy of enjoying the moment.I love the fact that I am younger then most full timers because my hopes and feelings are that many will take me under their wings. I hope that this lifestyle is a help for me to get back a feeling of normal.Between the physical pain and mental anguish I have gone through. It has made me very suicidal in the past.Becoming a full timer and doing something with my life is my only hope to find a purpose to continue to be on this planet.

With these all about me that has been shared. I hope that it did not push anyone away from me.Even with all that on my plate I feel I am a good, caring person.I have the capacity to love and be loved.It might be a little more difficult to get to the center of my tootsie pop but it is worth it.I have above average intelligence,which is sometimes shaded by the medicines and confusions, I wrestle with. So for the few that read my journal, I hope that this gives you a better idea of what I deal with and not who I am. I am worth the extra effort to get to know and look forward to learning from anyone that cares to get to know me. I believe in friendship for life and being there when the chips are down.I have alot of love to give, and hope to share it with many of you out in this great big land of ours.Well til our next visit....

Cats and Truck!!

I woke up early again and went to chat with Gary. We talked for about an hour about the daily sports events.We both like the Yankee's and the Marlins in baseball.So, we agree that it is ridiculous the amount of money the Yanks pay each year for the crappy team on the field.The Marlins on the other hand pay hardly anything for their players and at least compete in there division.Can not buy the championship in baseball because the players have to play together.

For those of you that know me in the RV-Dreams chatline as Thunder.I have to come clean,I am an impostor.Here is a picture of the real Thunder and also Lightning:

Thunder

Lightning

Glad to get that off my chest because I can no longer live a lie.HA HA! These cats are my kids and I spoil them. They love looking out all the windows of my trailer,so they can not wait to become full timers either.They are not use to being in their traveling cages just yet. I do not go out with them often enough for them to get use to the cages.I have taken them to my travel trailer a couple times ,which is about an hour away at my sister's house. A diesel truck is a little scary with all that noise so I think they will need time to get familiar with the truck sounds.I hope so, they still run like hell when I vacuum the house.I am a perfectly straight guy that loves his kitty cats.




Speaking of the truck I took some picture so you could see my 1995 F350:

That is my house in the background.

Here is a picture of my little white 1993 Toyota Paseo. I bought it new and boy have I gotten my money's worth.Still gets over 30 M.P.G.




Well that's all I have to share with you today. See ya manana!

Something Strange I had a Good Day!

Well, hello and welcome back to my little journal. I am writing this at 8:30 pm and not complaining because I had a very good day.Not to sound like I am complaining but most days are the same boring routine for me lately. But hey lat me do my little happy dance while I can.For starters I woke up at 7am. Not because I had to or couldn't sleep, just did. felt refreshed and knew it was going to be the rare good day.

Since I was up, went next door to visit with Gary for a while.He goes to bed real early and gets up at the butt crack of dawn.We chatted,joked, watched TV and read the paper. It was a nice way to start the day and as Speedy says kept the"Good Vibes" alive.

Then I came home and made phone calls to set appointments for my friend Frank and set four of them for Monday. Which is a great day, because he averages a sale every three meetings. Of course me being on disability I am not allowed to make money or I would lose my medicaid benefits.So I help him just because I'm a great friend(wink).So the good vibrations were rolling right along.

My brother Scott and a couple of guys from his auto shop go to the same place for lunch on most days.I called him to confirm and it was the case today as well. It was an extra bonus that I had a free meal coupon. So lunch cost me only the tip which I left $2, Not bad right. Lunch was yummy too, ate a Roast Beef Club Sandwich. Like a regular club but sub the turkey with Boars Head Roast Beef. MMMMMmmmmm

Made a stop at the bank and luckily some how or another I was able to deposit enough money to cover my bills for the rest of the month.Honestly not sure how I'm making it on my small check each month. I am an atheist ,so not into the higher power and stuff like that. But it is amazing pouring 14 ounces of liquid into a 12 ounce glass. Keep your fingers crossed that it keeps happening til I sell my place and join you full timers out there.

After the bank I stopped at CVS and they actually had my medicine in stock.Of course this is the fourth CVS that I stopped at to check. Was getting nervous, did not want to be without pain meds. Still in some pain with them, without it is unbearable.Rolling,rolling,rolling them vibes keep on rolling.

PHIL

Even though it was hot i took a little trip to visit one of my best friends at his work.Phil works at John Prince Park, which is a Florida State Park. They have a great campground and some real beauty.The good vibes carried over to my friend because five minutes after I arrived he was going on a fifteen minute break.He maintains the baseball fields at the park. They have some big tournaments from major colleges in baseball and softball.It is an important job, that you have to know what you are doing.Especially with the combination of rain and the burning hot sun.To water or not that is the question.

As you can see some pretty sights and even though it was hot in the sun.There was a nice cool breeze that breathed in from over the lake.You do not want to swim in this lake as South Florida is one of the only places to have crocodiles and gators. In the winter you can see them sunbathing on the shore. I do not have the knowledge of birds like Howard and Linda but just in the hour or so I was there I noticed at least 20 different types.I could not name you one to be honest but I thank H&L for making me notice the majesty and beauty of these flying creatures.If anyone can tell me what type of bird I have in the picture above I would appreciate it.Til Tomorrow....

Only 3 Remain !!!

Howdy and welcome to another edition of The Dave is Right. This might be the only place that I am right but that is just because its my life. Writing a little early because I did not sleep well last night and I'm going to take a nap. This way I will be wide awake for American Idol tonight for the final 3 singing.So far today I made some phone calls for a friend of mine to help him set appointments for his business. Spent an hour or more on the phone with my insurance company.

My Doctor and I have been fighting to get a medicine i need approved since January one. Finally, I got a letter dated April 30 that says I am approved for the rest of the year.Basically telling me I have to go through the same BS next year.It is a way for them to cut down on the months they actually pay for your scripts. So they have the prescription for the generic of the medicine, but they no longer make the generic. So I had to have my doctor write out a two new scripts for the medicine.The med is Oxycontin, and I was getting 120 80mg pills a month.But yet a new rule I can only get 90 80 mg pills a month. So my Dr. was going to raise me up anyway so now I get 90 80mg and 90 40mg pills a month.I know you have all heard the horror stories about this stuff but it is the only thing that I have taken that gives me any relief from my pain. I am not worried about being addicted to them because I will be on them the rest of my life. These Insurance companies make my blood boil.So now I have to wait for my doctor's office to send them the script. Then the insurance company to send me a three months supply.So luckily I have a written script that was originally denied that I can go to C.V.S. to get. Glad that is off my chest.

After that I went to Blockbuster and got a couple new horror movies.Then I stopped in super target to do a little food shopping.They had my favorite soda on sale for a buck a bottle. That is Diet Caffeine-Free Pepsi. Its all I got left, I guess how long the name of a product tells you how your health is doing.I started drinking Pepsi,then Diet Pepsi ,now Diet Caffeine Free Pepsi. What do I need taken out next the i so it is just peps.Anyway good deal on the soda. In there deli they have a great sandwich that you can get grilled while you are there. It is a turkey and Havarti cheese delight.Give it a try. Tell them Dave sent ya and watch them look at you strangely.

It was so hot out, that after bringing in the groceries and putting them away, I striped and jumped right in to the shower. Boy, did I need it my sweat was sweating. Then had a cold drink and ate my sandwich while i read every ones journals.

Shane

I am going to include a picture of my23 year old nephew Shane. He is in the Air Force doing training in northern California currently.I am so proud of the man he has become. There was a time that he lived with me for about a half of year after failing the sixth grade.I was in college at the time and taught him how to study.I was real hard on him when it came to his school work. His last report card living with me was straight A's. He had alot going on in his life so it was not just my help. Then he got into playing football and had to keep his grades up for that.He will be stationed for four years near the Hoover Damn. Not bad an hour away from Vegas.

Monday Monday

Well shoot I guess I'm just going to keep this trend of writing about the day that I am writing. Well boy not a heck of alot to write about for Monday but my crazy mind will think of something to rob my readers of a few precious moments.

OK, I will mention a story that my brother Scott enjoys to tell about a situation that happened to me at a Halloween party in 2003.Now any starched republicans might get a little taken aback, but I will share the story anyway.I will not use any bad words but one word is not so nice so I will just give the first letter. Then you adults out there can fill in the blanks as you see fit. The story is called THE GREAT C*** BLOCK OF 03. Hope you can figure it out when the story is over.
OK so about 30-40 adults and a few kids were dancing and having a good old time at this Halloween party. I was dressed in a ghastly purple pimp costume fully equipped with the purple hat too. Unfortunately there are pictures but not from a digital camera I will find out how to get them to you if you are interested. Well on with the story. I have never claimed to be nor been confused with Brad Pitt. But on this night of drunken splendor a beautiful blond bombshell was on me like white on rice. Hey, I did not believe it either, but I have witnesses and hard copy pictures to prove it. Gentleman it was one of those being single nights that I could do no wrong. My stories were interesting ,my jokes were funny(I did mention there was drinking going on). So this young woman kinda cornered me in the backyard not that I was trying to run away. We kissed under the what I assume to be full moon. Then my niece and her friend caught us kissing ,so she asked me to go home with her. Now who am I to turn down the request of a beautiful lady(well at least a woman). So I am literally getting High fives from guys I do not even know walking out the door just to emphasize how lovely this girl was that night in her bad witch costume with black pantyhose. So just as we are about to leave her sister swung in like Tarzan swinging on a vine to help woman away from the barbaric natives. She said I am taking you home and away went the beautiful blond in sisters hands. I was stunned, bewildered,horrified, shocked, embarrassed, place adjective here_____ I felt it. Once again I had guys and married ladies that I did not know consoling me. I think most of the married guys were more upset then I was that night. But, being a trooper I picked up another beer and met some really fun people. Also the Marlins won the world Series that night so that kinda made up for it, kind of(yea right). I left the party believe it or not in high spirits but that night a part of me was without a doubt blue.

I know this is not your typical G rated story that you find on these travel journals but I warned you that I was different. I hope that after you get done blushing or saying your prayers or do whatever it is that you do, you realise that this story is real and meant for a chuckle or a laugh. Hope you found some entertainment on my behalf. Tonight I will watch my shows House and 24 then go on the chat room. Tomorrow is another day and another story.

Saturday,Sunday whats the Difference!!

Well after my small rant about writing about the day previous instead of the day I am actually writing on. I am going to write about Sunday, today. Saturday was a not much, spent all day sleeping just about, so you are not missing anything, trust me

Sunday was a different story all together. Of course today was also Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day to all of you moms reading this entry.I did not feel well enough to drive the 45 minutes to an hour to my sister Joy's house, where my mom is staying while dealing with her health issues. I called and we talked for a long time, she understood about driving that far not feeling to well. Then I called both of my sisters to wish them happy moms day. After making my calls I took my meds and then jumped in the shower. My step brother Scott and family live only 3 miles away. So I decided to spend time with them, plus My Dad,Sheila(step-mom) and step-sister Stacey were going to be there.

My Dad and Step-Mom Sheila

My Bro Scott, Sister -in-Law Lisa, Nephew Tony, and my niece Amanda pretty in pink

My Step-Sister Stacey



It turned out to be quite the enjoyable day. Everybody being together laughing and joking around is always nice. Amanda was very kind in getting me a cup of soda with ice. I really appreciated that act of kindness.It might not seem like a big deal but the fact she got me the drink without me asking her to was so nice. She was not feeling that well so it made me feel warm and fuzzy for her to go out of her way for me. There were also two dogs at the house. Ozzy who lives at the house and Gia my step sister's little child.A friend of the family and her 4 year old son were there as well.Unfortunately I did not take pictures of Jordan or mommy Edy. Sorry about that.

OZZY

GIA

Scott went all out to insure every ones happiness. He served an absolutely unbelievable meal that included surf and turf. The surf was a delectable Maine Lobster and the turf was Fillet Mignon cooked to perfection. They served this with risotto and peas, soooooooooo goooooooood!I also had a chance to watch the end of the Houston Rockets beating up the Lakers in the fourth game of their playoff series. It was really great spending time with everyone even though I did not feel 100%. I wish my sister Joy lived closer,but what can you do?If i could have gone both places and spent time it would have been tremendous.


At the end of the evening after everyone left Scott,Lisa and I had a very serious talk about me and my lack of self confidence.They were very kind and inspiring telling me how impressed they were with the fact that I put myself through college. It all started over a conversation about Jamaica and Rasta Farians believe it or not.Weird how you can go from a fun chat to a heart to heart in a matter of moments.They tried to drive home the principle that even with my disabilities I need to tap into my potential.I told them about all the great people that I met on RV-Dreams especially talked about Howard and Linda.My talk made me feel life someone was really paying attention to my life.I am not complaining about anyone else at all but we all get busy living our lives.I love all of my family and friends. But at least in my life with everything going on with my health and other stuff,there is not always time to have deep, meaningful conversation that shows you how much admiration others have for you. With all of my mental challenges that I go through it is nice to hear. Well with that being said I will end this day with happiness for spending time with family and a full belly.Till tomorrow.....