WATCHDAVETRAVEL

Moved but still in Indiana

2011-06-05T09:09:00.000-07:00

Hello to my few followers.The workamping gig ended with a thump.Without going into great detail lets just say I was told to do something and then when I did I got in trouble.But, I am much happier at Cassidy's Hotel and RV Park in LaPorte,IN.At only $300 a month,I find it to be a bargin.

As you can see it is really pretty here.It is much better then I expected for $300 a month.One great thing is that I am closer to Chicago.I will soon take a day and go to Chi-town ,This has been a dream of mine all my life.So get the deep dish pizza ready because here I come.I have just been enjoying relaxing without having to deal with the BS that I had to deal with at the other campground.Well we will see you soon...

RV Hall of Fame

2011-05-23T15:45:00.000-07:00

Welcome back, I know its been a while again, but I was under the weather for a little bit.But here are some pictures from the RV hall of Fame.

Last night the owners had someone removed by the police.The guy was an idiot all he was asked to do was to put his dog on a leash.Its to bad it was a really nice dog.Besides that I'm still helping with security and doing breakfast on weekend mornings.Ive been here just over a month and still going.Well I will see some of you on chat later.Take care....

Indiana Living

2011-05-04T14:17:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone,I know its been a while again.Shame on me.But here are a couple of pictures of my site at South Bend KOA.

Here are some pictures of my trip to the College Football Hall of Fame.

After I went to the Hall of Fame I went to the University of Notre Dame.I have always wanted to visit the campus.Even though I do not believe in the religious aspects of the history.The amazing beauty is breathtaking.

The Golden Dome

Touchdown Jesus

Actually living my dream of going to Notre Dame was better then I expected.Just a wonderful way to spend the day.As much as I looked forward to seeing the campus,actually being there was better then expected.Well I will see you next time.......

TN,KY,Ohio,& IN

2011-04-19T12:49:00.000-07:00

Hello Again! Well this is an update from the rally all the way to Rising Sun,IN.My back did bother me some and I wasn't able to do everything at the rally.But, what I did do I really enjoyed.Howard and Linda are the real deal.They are better people then I even imagined, so it was no disappointment in finally meeting them.They are truly caring and even noticed when I was not there for some events.With 180 people there,I found that very impressive.
Rally Check-in

Tea Bag Hat Contest

Howard and Linda the Hippie version

I left the Rally in TN and drove 300 miles to Rising Sun,IN.The campground I'm staying at is called The Little Farm on the River.It is a Passport America park and its beautiful.

View out my back widow

My site #143

Cincinnati River

One of the reasons I picked this park was that it is close to Cincinnati,Oh.I was watching wrestling on Thursday Night and thought about getting the pay per view on Sunday Night.Then after finding out that it was taking place in Cincinnati,I decided to go to watch it live.This is one of the reasons I wanted to become a fulltimer.

Downtown Cincinnati,OH

World Champion STINGHULK HOGAN

Wrestling 20 feet in the air.

I had a great time and I am so glad that I decided to go live.The only downfall was when I returned to my truck someone smashed my passenger side mirror.But that to is fixable and I'm not letting it ruin my good times.Wednesday I will travel around 175 miles to Peru,IN for a overnight stay.Then Thursday I will drive less then 100 miles to my final destination until October, South Bend KOA. I will try to update by next weekend.Thank you for stopping by and see you soon.

Still in Atlanta

2011-04-09T09:25:00.000-07:00

Hi, Again from Atlanta! I decided to stay at Jones RV Park until Monday April 11th.On Monday I'm going to drive over 200 miles to River Plantation RV Park in Sevierville,TN for the RV-Dreams 2011 Spring Rally.

More great food.This is the Super Stack at a place called the vortex.Instead of using regular hamburger buns they use grilled cheese sandwiches.so that's 3 grilled cheese sandwiches 2 1/2 pound burgers,10 pieces of bacon 8 more slices of cheese 2 fried eggs,tator tots and french fries.I ate about a 1/4 of it and was full.My friend Hibbie ate the entire thing and said he got sick.Besides the big food the vortex has cool decorations as you can see by the skeleton bike riders.

I didn't take pictures at WrestleMania but this is from Monday Night Raw.What a great time I had and we once again saw ourselves on TV.They even made the main event for WrestleMania 28 which will take place in Miami on April 1,2012.John Cena vs The Rock, which is a dream match between two of the most popular wrestlers ever .I look forward to watching that one in my hometown n

John Cena and The Rock

Well I will update again from the rally see you next time.

From Atlanta

2011-04-03T10:43:00.000-07:00

Hi,my few readers.I am safe and sound in Atlanta.Ive been having a good time.After finding out about the cancellation of my driving school,I decided to spend the three nights in Ocala Sun RV Resort.It is a nice park with a heated pool.

I stayed at Ocala Sun RV Resort Sunday,Monday,& Tuesday Night.I just relaxed and rested from my trips 2 days in a row.I felt so good on Wednesday that instead of stopping in Macon,GA. like I planned.I drove straight through to Norcross,GA(just outside of Atlanta).Wednesday after the drive I just relaxed and watched American Idol.

Thursday my friend Hibbie was driving into town ,so I did a couple things around the RV.I did walk around the park and take some pictures of Jones RV Park.It is a no frills park but for $165 a week,its perfect for me.

Thursday Night I met my friend Valerie and Hibbie for dinner on Chicken and waffles.That might sound like a weird combination but its Delicious.

Friday,Hibbie and I went to a famous Atlanta restaurant called The Varsity.Its been in business since 1928.They greet everyone the same way they ask "Whadda ya Have."Its a fun place and a must if in the Atlanta area.

After lunch/dinner at the Varsity we went to Atlanta's underground.

Then it was off to wrestling at Center Stage Well I will fill you in on the weekend events including Wrestlemania 27.See you again soon...

On the Road!

2011-03-27T17:29:00.000-07:00

Hello again, my trip started out Friday with a hiccup.I found some soft sand on my sister's property and my Truck sank right in.

Saturday was a much better day. I left my sister's house at around 7am and traveled 139miles to Wauchula, FL.I was going there to meet my longtime chat friend Dee and her wonderful husband Jim.We talked,played shuffleboard(what fun),went shopping and ate together it was a full day.If you ever get the chance to meet Jim and Dee,dont pass it up.We do not share the same viewpoints on alot of stuff but you will not meet two more quality individuals.They opened thier home to me and treated me like a king.Thank you so much for a wonderful time.You are very special people.

Sunday,I woke up after a great nights sleep.It was the best I slept in weeks.I woke up refreshed and eager to spend more time with Dee and Jim.I got there right around 9:30 for scrambled eggs,bacon and toast.Yummy! Thanks again Dee you might not like cooking but you are good at it.After getting help from Jim I unhitched and went to fill up the truck.I drove 113 miles to Ocala Sun RV Resort in Ocala,FL.It was a nice trip but when I arrived,I was informed that my instructor for RV Driving School had to cancel due to a death in the family.I decided to stay at the park anyway for a couple of days.It is a beautiful park I will take pictures tomorrow.c ya later...

Its me again

2011-02-27T12:52:00.000-08:00

Hi there folks! Its been a long time again 20 lashes with a wet noodle for me not writing.As of today I have 25 more days until I leave for my trip.I am really looking forward to hitting the road.Of course I am nervous as well but only way to get better is practice.

I leave on Friday March 25 early in the morning.My first stop is at my doctors in Okeechobee,FL.It is about an hour and a half to two hour trip to the office.Which is perfect because it is just less then halfway to my first park Little Charlie RV Park in Wauchula.The reason for the choice of my first park is my friend Dee from the chatroom is staying there.This will be the first time that we get a chance to meet.I am really excited and looking forward to getting to talk face to face after chatting online for nearly four years.I am staying there March 25 &26 and have a nice pull thrue site.On Sunday the 27th I am driving about 3 hours north to Ocala,Fl. Ocala Sun RV Resort is the next park that I will stay.I will be there the 27,28,&29th of March.The reason for this park is that on Monday and Tuesday 9am until 1pm I am taking an RV Driving School.Dee & Jim had taken the course and swear by it,so I need the help after that tree attacked me.From there I am headed to a Passport America park called Al Sihah Shrine Park in Macon,GA.It is a 5 or 6 hour drive about 300 miles and I'm staying there because it is only$16 a night.I will be there the 30th and 31st.From the driving about a hundred miles to Stone Mountain RV Park.I will stay there for about a week or so.Im not sure exactly how long that I will stay.My best friend Hibbie is going to meet me in Atlanta.Right now we are going to 5 wrestling events in 4 days.The biggest is WrestleMania 27 in the GeorgiaDome.There will be about 75,000 people going to WrestleMania.Really excited about the event and the entire trip to Atlanta.I also have a friend that I use to work with that I will be getting together with while there.I will have a few days that I'm not sure what I will do or where I will stay.Most likely go to a park and just relax after a busy week or so in Atlanta.Finally on the 12th of April I am going to the RV-Dreams 2011 Spring Rally in TN.I am really excited as the last two years I have been sick and couldn't attend the Rallys in Texas and South Carolina.I even paid to attend the one last year and still couldn't make it.After all that I am going to my friend Hibbie's house near Columbia SC and will stay there until the RV-Dreamers Get Together in TN then I will head back to FL for the winter.So it is going to be a busy month or so for me.Thanks for reading along my current plans.

David's December

2010-12-05T11:48:00.001-08:00

Jonathan Dickinson State Park
Bathrooms

Next to my site

Side view of me at site #89

Front view of site #89

Welcome to another installment of "This is Your Life".Well it feels like that sometimes! So after dropping off the fiver on October 19 it was finally time to pick it up on December 3rd.You can imagine my excitement.So I pick it up,and it looks great.Hook up to the hitch in a matter of 5 minutes which is great for me.Its about a 20 - 30 minute drive from Florida Outdoor RV(the shop that fixed it) and Jonathan Dickenson State Park.Everything is going great I'm about 4 miles away from the park and stopped at a red light.I press the gas pedal and nothing happens.My transmission went Cablewie!!So now Ive got the trailer no truck.But I am parked at a beautiful park and the truck was towed to my brothers shop.Tomorrow I will find out the damage.

As I sit in my livingroom watching football in high def.Life doesn't seem to bad!But this little instance is going to make me change my 2011 plans.This will take up a good portion of my savings.I had scheduled going to Ocala to the RV Driving school but that is way up in the air right now.I might now put it off until March when I'm heading to Atlanta.But, we will see how long that I will be here in the park.I met a real nice couple a couple spots down from me that took me to the supermarket yesterday.I loaded up and should be good for a week.It just so happens that those same people are going to right near where my sister lives tomorrow and I am going to go grab my car from my sisters house so next week I can get out when I need to or want to..

The time at my sister's house went without huge incident but was kinda rough.My nephew is a smart mouthed 14 year old so its constant arguments.But that being said I am very thankful that they let me stay at there house for a little over a month.Other then that its just been life going on.I will see you next time.

Some September, October and a little November

2010-11-04T21:42:00.000-07:00

Well Hello there to the few, the true friends, my followers! Alot has happened since my last post most of you already know. I went on a trip in the RV and had an accident.Sold my house and because of the damaged RV I'm homeless(Staying at Sisters).And reconnected with & got together with some old friends.

My plan all along was to go to the Daytona,FL area for a long weekend in October.I ended up asking my Dad if he wanted to go with me(thinking he wouldn't.Surprisingly he came.We left Thursday the 7th and spent one night in Jonathan Dickinson State Park.We got there alright but I had trouble backing into the site.So I cheated and cut across the field to get straight into the spot.Hey,I'm not proud but we got set up.We ordered this unbelievably great NY style pizza and watched the new Karate Kid movie.First time my Dad and I have just hung out forever.Soon after we were both ready for bed.I offered my Dad the king bed but he choose the queen bed in the living room.Kind of bothered me for some reason.Not a feeling of anger but it made me feel like he did not feel good enough to take the bedroom.Weird the things that affect us.Anyway the next morning we packed up and headed north to Tomoka State Park near Daytona.The entire trip was flawless until....I caught the awning on a tree and did a whole lotta damage to my new RV.It shook all of my confidence in towing altogether.Luckily I have insurance and alot of good friends.Everybody says it happens to everyone in the beginning.I still plan to go to a RV driving school suggested by a good friend.

One day I am home relaxing and I get a call from a neighbor saying that he knew someone that might be interested in the house.They came that day and after being there for 15 minutes or so we agreed on a price.Poof, it was done.After stressing out about selling my place for so long it was done.Now the hard part clearing it out.Had a yard sale and gave alot to the goodwill.Of course the RV is not done so I am staying in my Sister's house in the extra bedroom.Its nice but tough for me to get use to living in someone elses place.Hoping beyond hope that they finish my rig before turkey day.We will see what happens there.

Last night I went to visit my dad.Its about an hour south of where I'm staying.After being there I got together with my friend Carter.He is from Trinidad originally and knows I love curry chicken.So he picked me up from my Dads and showed me how to make the dish.It was so good! Chicken,potato,chickpeas and pumpkin.Trini curry is more flavorful and less spicy then other currys.It has a little punch but not like Jamaican curry.It was great catching up with Carter.We had not seen each other in a long time.I was actually able to help him out a little bit.He was paying for HD TV but did not have it hooked up through a HDMI cord.So after dinner we went to walmart to get the cord.The difference was night and day.

Well that's my story for now try and keep you up to date.Signing off as a fulltimer without his rig....

My new Home!!!

2010-09-12T19:41:00.000-07:00

Here is a look from the front
Here is the backside of the RV .

Here is the entrance side.

The Front door. Come on in!

I will open the door for you.Kitchen from front door.

Kitchen . Everything and the Kitchen sink.

Me Chilling in my new Living Room.

My redone Entertainment center.
Love Seat.

Bathroom Sink

Shower and Linen Closet Wrinkled bed

Messy Bedroom. Bedroom TV and Dresser

This is my 2010 35' Open Range Fifth-Wheel.My plan is to move into it on November 1.It is parked out at my sister's house.I will most likely stay there until mid-March.Then after many stops along the way Workamp in Indiana in May.Just got back from a week cruise will post some pictures soon.See ya then...

Still June and Enjoying It

2010-06-13T22:16:00.000-07:00

Hello to the few out there that will read this page.First I want to start out by saying a big Thank You to those of you that left me a comment in previous posts.It is about 1:20 Am on Monday morning, and my fingers just started typing.Tonight is the big night for me, front row seats to Monday Night Raw.For those interested it is a WWE wrestling show on at 9pm E.S.T. on the USA channel.Check your local listings to see what time it comes on in your area.I will be wearing a black and grey jersey style shirt.I will be a big guy next to a much bigger guy(Hibbie).

On Tuesday the 8th, Hibbie and I went to the Riverbank Zoo in Columbia,SC.

This bird's eyes are mesmerizing. Here is me in the Kangaroo WalkAnybody want to pet the Kitty-Cat?

Mike the Gorilla

Mike the Gorilla was my favorite animal of the day.He would run up and drum on the glass right in front of me .Everyone laughed, he was quite a ham.You could tell he enjoyed people and looked like he was smiling all of the time.We had a great time and I walked for 5 hours with my cane.I sat down occasionally but took extra pain meds and slept like a champ that night.

On Wednesday Camping World was suppose to have my travel trailer ready to go but it was not ready.As a comprimise they paid my hotel cost for the night.Actually it was not a bad thing because I was still sore and tired from the zoo.Thursday they still were not done but I just told them to finish up some basic things so I could go.So at around noon I headed north to Charlotte.NC.Mcdowell Nature Preserve was the destination.After owning my trailer for 3 1/2 years I finally made my first solo camping trp.It was a big deal for me after going through all the medical crap that I have and still deal with.Here are a couple pictures of my campsite.

It might not look like art but it is beauty to my eyes.So many days and nights I dreamed of buying my grill, chairs,tables,and all the other great stuff that goes into this lifestyle.

The weather has been really hot and rainy so I have not gotten to do much in the park yet.Tuesday I plan on going through the park and taking some pictures to share with you.Soon it will be time to travel south to Florida and go home again.Just writing that brings stress to my head and body.It will be nice to see Scott and other family members.If I drive the trailer down with me, I will go through all my stuff in my house.Then pack the trailer with whatever I am going to keep,sell what I can sell and trash the rest.Well time to try and lay down.See ya next time.....

June Already!

2010-06-03T13:29:00.000-07:00

Hello to the few that will read this monthly installment of "WATCHDAVETRAVEL".Included are some pictures of where I have been staying for the last two months.This is a recap of the month of May 2010.I did not do alot in the way of traveling but it was a pretty good month anyway.Spending time with my best friend and his family has been fun. It is interesting to see how a healthier family interacts.They actually encourage each other with no hidden agenda.I'm not putting down my family,but we are a bunch of individuals that get together for holidays.My step brother Scott and I have a very special relationship.

All of the stuff I ordered came in and is being used.Ordered were a Samsung 55" LED 3D TV with 3D Bluray and surround sound.I also got 2 Sea Eagle boats. A one man fishing frameless pontoon and a motormount for up to 1200 pounds.I took the one man out on Lake Murray last week and caught one fish.Using just the oars instead of the trolling motor it was fun, painful and exhausting.Next time the motor will be cranking, for sure.But, I got a great tan, lots of exercise and it was just beautiful out on the lake.The TV system is fantastic and will be used for a long time to come.

This week the trailer goes to Camping World to get some maintenance and upgrades added on.I will drop it off on Sunday.Then I will check in to a hotel for 3 days in Columbia,SC.The new TV will remain at my friends house until Tuesday night.On Wednesday I pick up the trailer from camping world and head north to Charlotte, NC.I am staying at a park for a week in the area.I will fill you in on the details in my next writing.Amongst other things on the following Monday the 14th Hibbie will drive up and we will go to WWE RAW.I mentioned it last writing that we have front row seats.I am very excited as this will be my first time in the front row.The only thing that I am not looking forward to is my friend Hibbie is a really big guy and I am big too.I have to figure out a way to say"I did not pay all this money for my seat to have you take up half of it". I will mention it in a nice way and tell him to squish the person on the other side of him.Crappie conversation but I would rather say it then be uncomfortable.I just hope there is a kid or smaller person on my other side.

We did get a few days of rain that left me hurting but for the most part I have been feeling OK.Not good still always in pain but OK.I do not think that I will be able to ever workamp.Some days no matter what I could not work.I guess the only way I could workamp is to have a very flexible schedule.I plan on heading home on the 22nd or 23rd and clearing out my house.I'm not sure if I will stay till my cruise in September.Oh! By the way, I am going on a cruise on the fourth of September for a week.The Carnival Dream is the ship.We are going to Belize, Honduras, Playa de Maya, & Cozumel.Never have been to any of these ports.I'm going with my buddy Hibbie,Dad & Sheila,sister Joy& BIL Mike & nephew Brandon.This time just Hibbie and I will share a room.I got a handicap room and will use a wheel chair most of the time.On the 3 day cruise last year I was to overtired and in too much pain using my cane.

Here are the pictures of my friends house and property:

Front of Driveway

You can see my Trailer on the far left side

View from my back window

Front of House

Sailboats and Tool Barn

Another Tool Barn

Open area on property

Sailboats

Front of House, Back of Trailer

The front porch of my trailer- 2 boats blown up

Back Parking

Backside of House

Front of Trailer

April Showers May Flowers

2010-05-04T14:07:00.000-07:00

Hi again, I am going to try to write at least once a month.Of course this is April's entry and I'm late again.Last time I wrote I had not even left on my trip.My friend Hibbie and I left south Florida late on March 30.We arrived early on the 31st at his house in Gilbert, South Carolina.The first night I made a campfire and listened to relaxing music.

Originally my plan was to leave here on the 7th of April to go to the RV Dreams Rally near Myrtle Beach.Unfortunately, the pollen was at record highs and got me extremely sick.To the point that I could not walk straight.It lasted over a week, till a rain helped me out.By that time it was to late for the Rally and my plans were completely changed.

One advantage to being here is that there is a Camping World less then a half hour away.I went and got a bunch of stuff that I've been planning to buy for a long time.It felt good to buy the items that I only dreamed about getting.It is one time that spending money did not bother me.It feels good when you use your funds for the exact things that you have been wanting.Finally got my gas BBQ.I went with the Coleman Road Trip.I love it! While at Camping world either someone stole or on the way my license plate fell off.I think someone took it.So when I got back to my friends house I had to call the local sheriff to file a report.Then send that report with another form from the Florida DMV.Long story short it just arrived last Thursday in the mail.So my plans changed but I am hooked up actually living in my trailer for the first time after owning it for over 3 years.I Love IT!!!
My step brother Scott is actually helping me sell my place back home .I plan on living here in South Carolina several months of the year.Then go to Florida for the winter and a couple of other times a year.Then travel a few months a year.This gives me the best of both worlds.I get to still travel and see friends & family.
While I have been here there has not been alot of exciting things to report.But it has been great hanging out with my best friend.In the past 8 years we have not hung out more then a week a year.So we have been enjoying just simply hanging out.We did go to a couple of places in Columbia, SC that were featured on the TV show Diners,Drive-ins and Dives.In June we have front row tickets to a Monday Night Raw in Charlotte,NC.I still like pro wrestling, so that should be fun.I also ordered one of those new 3D TVs for the trailer.I planned on getting a new TV anyway so why not get a great one.That was my gift to myself.Well next week I get my satellite hooked up on the trailer at camping world.I will try not to make it a full month till my next post. Until then..........

Marching Through March

2010-03-12T10:27:00.000-08:00

Hello to the Few, the Not so Proud,my Readers.LOL.I will be actually traveling soon, all though not fulltime as originally planned.This last month since Gary has died has been crazy. So here is my plans as I sit here today.Boy have I learned, not to write plans in pen the last three years.Whoever came up with that saying "Life is what happens, when your making plans" deserves a good kick in the keaster.It is so darn true!!!But on to the plans. On Thursday March 25 my best friend Hibbie is flying down from South Carolina.I know it is a silly thing but we still love the WWE.Fake wrestling, for those that do not know WWE.My mind is constantly going and wrestling is one of the few things that I can enjoy without thinking.On Sunday the 28th is the Superbowl of Wrestling called Wrestlemania.This is Wrestlemania 26, and every year since I know Hibbie we have watched it together.This will be the 12th year in a row we watched together.Including two years ago that we actually attended Wrestlemania 24 in Orlando.So it just turned out that it happened to fall close to the RV-Dreams Rally.My family loves Hibbie so he will hang from thursday the 25th until we leave on tuesday the 30th.When I say leave, yup that means a packed up truck and trailer.We are going to go to just north of Jacksonville to the KOA to spend one night.This will give me a chance to visit my cousin Rene.Wish it could be longer but Hibs gotta work on wednesday night.From the KOA we are going another 300 miles or so to Gilbert,SC(just outside of Columbia,SC).Hibbie has about 5acres where I will gladly plug in until the 7th of April.

On the 7th I will drive the 177 miles to Willowtree Resort in Longs,SC.Where after over three years of following thier lives I get to meet Howard & Linda Payne.This is a real big thrill for me because during my darker days I promised myself that I would one day meet them.It is one of the things that kept me going.I've bugged them with emails, in the chatroom and even on the phone.Just letting them know what an inspiration that they have been to me.Howard even wrote about me in the daily journal one day, which was a thrill and a half. Also I can not wait to meet Dee, who has been one of my best friends in the chatroom. It might not mean as much to her, but I have shared alot of personal things with her.It has also been very rewarding for me to be apart of her going from being just a Dreamer to a real fulltimer.If you do not have anything nice to say about Dee, it means that you have never been in the chatroom.I can not tell you how much you mean to me Dee.Thank you for all of your conversation and advice over the years.

After the Rally it looks like I am going to go up to Baltimore,MD for a week or so.My old college writing teacher and I have remained good friends.So I would love to go visit Dennis and his wife Robin.Funny story about how we became real close.My first year of college,I went to a Community College in Charlotte,NC.Thats where Dennis and I became friends.We would go to lunch once in a while, and have some fun conversations.He is extremely intelligent so I would learn while having fun.Anyway, right before spring break we were talking and the subject of where are you going during your break came up.We both said Florida! Ok no big deal it is a huge state, but his mother in law lives less then five miles from where my Dad lives.So for the first time ever he took me to the horse track for racing.I won my first race and the rest was history.We had a new subject to chat about and we became great friends.After I graduated College, I moved back to Florida, while he and Robin moved to Baltimore.I did get to go visit once years back, but it was strange staying in someone elses house.So I am real excited about camping there and getting to visit by day.Also I have never been to Wasington D.C. and I want to see an Orioles game at Camden Yards.Last time I went I was able to get a scalped ticket to the Ravens football game for like $15. From Baltimore, I have not made plans just yet.I might keep heading north or just go back to Hibbies place in SC.Alot is going to depend on how I feel physically, and of course those good old green backs.We will find out together.

Last friday I had my doctors appointment and found out on top of all my other physical crap, that I have fibromyalgia.I have been in lots of pain and did not know why.Well now I know! So we will see how much I can do over the next couple of months.Good news, I got all my registration,taxes and drivers license stuff paid.I am legal!!! Well most of the time.j/k Had to switch Garys home to my name, and alot of crap like that.It has been keeping me very busy.Planned yesterday and today to go to a local RV show.The rain had other plans for me.Today it was meant to be that I write because there is not much else I can do.When it rains my pain pours and I am just about useless.Well I better leave something to write about the next time. C YA THEN......

Happy New Year in Mid February!!

2010-02-19T13:29:00.000-08:00

Hello,It once again has been a long time since I have written.Since just after Christmas I have been the caretaker for my friend and neighbor Gary Grzelak.On February 16 at around 10:30PM Gary lost his fight with lung cancer.I am happy that he no longer suffers and I was able to grant his only wish, which was to die in his own home.After watching him decline so rapidly and become so pathetic I am happy for my friend.He told me over a week earlier that he wanted to and was ready to die.I will miss my friend but learned alot about the kind of friend and person that I am capable of being.So after not having a life the last 2 months and not dealing with my own health, it is going to be a struggle to recoup.

On top of physically,mentally and emotionally taking time to feel better, there is alot of work to be done.I in no way,shape or form got involved helping Gary with any plans of profiting in mind.But it turns out that he left me his home,car and a small banking account.More headaches too. Now I have to sell 2 side by side moblehomes.Neither worth much money at all.And with 2 times $600 for lot rent ,it must sell quick.Of course when my mom died she left me 25% of the worth of her moblehome in Clermont FL. Hers is beautiful in an adult park. So I own 3 moblehomes,2 cars,a truck and a travel trailer.You might be a redneck if you own 4 trailers.LOL
Wish they were all houses then I might have something.My vehicles are from 1993,95 &98 too.
Gary left me a 1998 Buick century.

I am also kicking around the notion of trading up from my Travel Trailer to a used 5er.If I do that then fulltiming is soon to follow.As of now I plan to be at the RV-Dreams Rally on April 7 in my TT or a new to me/used 5er.Most likely the TT for this trip but we will see.Even though I had set plans to workamp in Indiana May til Sept, it is looking like I will just be taking a couple months trip April & May.I am booked on March 27- April 7 at a State Park in SC but depending how things go the next couple of weeks I might just go straight to the Rally.After I am going to spend a good month or so at my best friend Hibbie's property just outside of Columbia SC. He has 5 acres of pretty wooded land that I could stay. Just run a couple of extension cords for power, fill up with water and nobody would even know Im there.I also might take a 4 hour trip to Atlanta for a week or more.I have some friends there plus Id like to go see a braves game and spend some time in the ATL.Its been a long,long time since I was there and its a perfect little get away.

My plan right now is to leave my trailer at Hibbies and drive just my truck home the end of May or early June.Then early to mid August go up for another couple months to escape the hurricane months in Florida.Leaving the trailer up there would save me a bunch of money on diesel.Plus, it gives me the option to plan trips from there rather then from all the way in south Florida.I am planning to go to the Dreamer get together in TN in October, so I will make it a fun trip maybe through Atlanta and Chattanooga.We will see what happens! I wish I knew what the hell was going to happen once in a while in my own life.

I am once again having trouble sleeping.I can lay down but just never fall in a deep sleep.I'm so overtired that I feel like the tail chasing the cat.Thanks to Facebook, another cousin of mine got back in touch with me.My cousin Rene who actually lives right in Jacksonville,FL.She is on my father's side of the family unlike my cousin Cory out in AZ from my mom's side.Rene and I have not talked in forever and really do not know each other very well.But our first phone chat was over an hour and I plan to give her a call soon.Planned on calling all this week but with everything happening with Gary, I have not had the strength. I plan on stopping for a couple of nights in a campground in Jacksonville on the way up to the Carolinas to spend time with Rene.

February 27th is my Dad's 70th birthday.We will probably go out to dinner on his birthday night since its a Saturday and then get together at my sister's house for cake and gifts on sunday the 28th. Also any day now I will become a great uncle again.My niece Brittani, who you might remember from her wedding in September , was due on the 17th, so any minute now. The doctor will not let it go past the 24th so one way or another my little great niece will be popping out to say hi real soon.My nephew Shane, the one in the air force, has to report at the hospital in Afghanistan by June 20.So that is scary but at least he plans on coming home for a week or two mid next month.His birthday is March 1st.My nephew Steve that I do not talk to any longer has his birthday Feb 24th.So a busy time for birthdays is getting even busier.

Its funny with being so overtired, and having so much stuff on my plate, time is just flying.I really need to be very effective the next 4 weeks to get as much done as possible.Everything just seems so up in the air that I'm afraid to try to make concrete plans.That being said I miss the football season terribly already.I am really going to try to begin to write daily again.Also catch up on reading so many of your wonderful journals.First I have to get over feeling brain dead.C ya next episode....

Remember Me?

2009-11-14T13:39:00.000-08:00

Hello again! It has been a couple of months since my last post.Things are moving right along as time keeps on ticking towards my dreams.Unfortunately, my place is not sold as of yet but I have not been pushing to hard.Everyone has told me to be ready for the big push in January.So now that the weather is cooling down part of the time, it is allowing me to get some work done on my place.
My best friend that I have written about on here before Hibbie, lost his father this past week so I feel for him.The month of November has actually all and all been ok for me.October ended badly for me.I spent a week out at my trailer taking care of my 13 year old nephew.Driving him home from school, to football practice and cooked him dinner every night.My sister Joy and husband Mike were celebrating thier anniversary.The weather was really hot down here in south Florida so, I decided to stay the following week in my trailer.So on the Friday of the second week I looked at my bottle of pain medicine(Oxycontin) and I only had 8 pills left.I know that there were 48 pills when I got there because I took 3 and added to a bottle of 45.I always mark down when I take them so I do not take to much at one time.I was missing 16 pills.My nephew Steve who is 25 and has had a problem with these in the past lives at Joy's house.I went in to let Joy know and said"I just want to bring something to your attention."When I told her she said to me "it is your fault,you should have hide them better."Mind you they were in my travel trailer with the rest of my medicines.I just went in the trailer, I was boiling. I text Steve to tell him if he is going to take them from me to sell he should at least give me some of the money.He cursed me and wrote very hurtfull things.I was so mad I told him that I was going to beat him up when he got home.I admit my bad.But of course he calls his mommy and she asks"Why are you threatening my son." I responded"because he stole from me."Then Joy and Mike said it was my fault for not locking my travel trailer door.I said "I came to you to tell you that your son stold narcotics from me and your responses were it was my fault for not hiding them better or locking my door."I then said" OK Tomorrow I should call the police, since narcotics were stolen."Joy in her infinite wisdom said and I swear she actually said this"You can't call the police because your trailer is on my property."Then Mike starts screaming to the point Joy was telling him to calm down "LOCK THE DOOR, LOCK THE DOOR"He popped off the couch while he was screaming, right towards my face.I threw down my cane to defend myself.Then Joy pops up screaming :HOW DARE YOU ." What would you do if someone screaming like a maniac jumps up to get in your face?At that point I was out of my mind with anger.I still never hit anybody.My 13 year old nephew got involved and I yelled at him.The next day I text him to apologize.So it was about 11pm I packed my car with the stuff from the trailer and drove home.Mike actually got in his car and backed it up down the street to watch me leave like he was in danger or something.In the text to my 13 year old nephew where I apologized to him, I asked him to have his parents text me when I can come and pick up my trailer off thier property.
Joy is just like my mother was, and why I did not talk to her for most of my life.It is the exact reason that I stay to myself most of the time.If either of them has something on you,in this case my trailer being on her property.They will throw it in your face all the time.You are not allowed to have an opinion about anything that does not agree with thier narrow view of the world.Even before all this happened, everytime I went to my trailer the only time I went in the house was to shower, use the restroom, get ice or if they invited me for dinner.The rest of the time I stayed in the trailer to myself.I honestly do not want to ever talk to any of then again.I am tired of walking on eggshells to please people less intelligent then myself. I can not wait to move my trailer off thier property, so they have nothing on me.
Anyway, sorry to harp on that situation but I am still flaming mad about it.But like I said November has been going pretty well for me.I am booked and payed for 11 nights in Cheraw State Park in South Carolina.I will be there March 27 to April 7th.On the 7th I will drive a little over a hundred miles to Willow Tree Resorts for the 2010 RV-Dreams Rally.I am booked for the Rally too.I am going to be in site #32, and hope to see many of you thier.Depending on when or even if my place sells I could be a fulltimer sooner ,but reguardless I will be a fulltimer in March 2010! Yippie!!!!See ya next time.......

Getting Better

2009-09-22T13:59:00.000-07:00

Hello,It has been a long week of not feeling great.Sleeping countless hours and taking antibiotics.I had a lympe node infection.Sunday was my niece Brittani's wedding and although the event was nice, it was a very rough day for me.Not for the reason of missing football either.I just felt very weak all day.Not helped by the fact that I had to drive an hour to the wedding hang out all day and drive home an hour without any pain medicine.I was a ball of sweat by the end of the day.When I got home after midnight and took my meds I slept all day til after 5pm.If it was not for the fact that UPS knocked on my door for a deliver, I might still be sleeping.

My Great nephew Christoper and I

The bride Brittani and I

You can see in this picture it was the end of the night and I was a sweaty mess.But I am glad that I was there even after all my complaining and pain.Brittani never asks me for anything so it was nice to be there.My Dolphins lost again in a game they dominated, such is life.I am going to try to get on the chat line tonight.Hope to see you.Til next time.....

Some Where in September

2009-09-15T13:33:00.000-07:00

Hello,Once again it has been a while since I have written. Tomorrow the 16th is my appointment with the surgeon to check out this lump underneath my right arm.I have been thinking about it non stop since my last doctors appointment.Yesterday's death of Patrick Swayze hit me hard.Not just because I liked him as an actor but he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer around the same time as my Mom was.So for whatever reason it made me relive her death over again last night.I had some really horrible dreams that shook me last night.I still do not feel well and have been sleeping too much.My calls for Frank have been put on hold.I have tried and even set a few appointments but I just am not into it mentally and rather then waste leads I am putting it on the back burner until after my appointment tomorrow.

On Sunday my niece Brittani is getting married to her long time boyfriend Darren.So I had to try on my suit that I only wore once three years ago.It is snug but it will have to do for the couple hours that I will wear it.I paid over $500 for it so it is nice that I will get to use it again.It is a good thing that I lost a little weight last time at the doctors.I will make sure I take some pictures of me and my family, to post on this journal at the wedding.Talking about pictures here are a couple from Tucson finally.

My Cousin Cory

Sorry the next 2 pics came out sideways:

Cory's Husband Jerry

Jerry's son Conner

Cory and Jerry's son
Trevor

Shot from campground near Cory's House

Sorry it took me so long it seems like everything that I do is a struggle these days.On this past Saturday I did go to my sister Joy's house for the day.It would have been my mother's 66th birthday, so she invited my sister Donna and my Dad up for the day.I slept so late that by the time I got there I missed Donna. But I was able to go see my nephew Brandon play his football game and have a nice time visiting with my Dad.On Sunday it was all about the first week of the NFL season.My Dolphins looked terrible but there were enough good games to still make it an enjoyable day relaxing.My Sunday football days are my favorite days of the year and I am not all that happy I have to give one up even for a wedding.But at least the Dolphins play next Monday night so I wont miss there game.Many think it selfish or strange that Sunday NFL football means so much to me but there are very few things that I can do that make me fully happy.It would have been a tough call if the Dolphins were playing on Sunday but as luck would have it I do not need to make that call.Going to a church on a NFL Sunday for any reason is a bad day to me.I am against religion and not a big fan of marriage.But my niece Brittani never asks me for anything and I am glad that I can be there for her, on her big day.Like the event or location or not, it is for her.I know I am crazy but I only get a certain number of football Sundays a year and they mean a great deal to me.Any way I will see you next time I write......

Monday and Still Sleeping

2009-09-07T20:32:00.000-07:00

Hello, Today I slept till 4:30pm. After that I took a ride to CVS to pick up my prescriptions that I dropped off yesterday.On the way home I stopped by Scott's house.He had called me to invite me to a barbecue and visit with some friends.I ate some chicken and hung out for about an hour or so.I was not feeling that great so I said my good byes and headed back home.I jumped on the chat line for a little while and watched the Miami vs FSU game.Tomorrow is all about work,blockbuster and finding a surgeon.I will see you then.....

Sunday Sleeping

2009-09-06T20:18:00.000-07:00

Hello, Another exciting day for me.I woke up at 6:30 am, for some reason or another.Most likely because I slept so much yesterday.I did at least get to CVS to drop off my prescriptions from my doctors visit on Friday.I grabbed Wendy's and came home to watch a movie,I know Wendy's is not the healthiest choice but it was quick,easy and good.I watched the movie The Line with Ray Liotta and Andy Garcia.It was OK nothing to rush out to get, but it was not a total stinker.After the movie,I went to lay down and slept until 11pm.I am really kinda nervous, I never sleep this much or am this tired all the time.Well just going to watch the last few laps of the race and check today's sports scores then go back to bed.See you tomorrow....

Sleep and College Football

2009-09-05T21:09:00.000-07:00

Hello,I slept til about 11 am today.Woke up tired and felt that way all day.I walked over to Gary's a couple of times but most of the day I watched college football.My new electric bill was only $160, which compared to my $550 bill last month was welcomed news.I got on the chat line for about an hour or so this evening. Sorry not much to report.See ya later ......

Dr. On Friday

2009-09-04T22:19:00.000-07:00

Hello, Another week down the drain and it ended with just great news.I have had a pain and lump under my right arm for a couple of weeks.I have also not been feeling well, just really tired all the time.My doctor said it is a tumor I have to have a biopsy on it to find out if it cancer or not.Unfortunately, many of the signs that I have been exhibiting are not good. When I got back from the appointment, I stopped at blockbuster get a couple of movies.After getting home from my 51/2 hour venture ,it was time to sleep and sleep I did.I slept the rest of the day till after 11pm,Got up to go to a 24 hour CVS , which is no longer 24 hours.So I stopped and got a grilled stuffed burrito at taco bell.Now I am writing and watching that 70's show.Well tomorrow is another day,Oh boy!!!!!!

Over 2 Inches of Rain on Thursday

2009-09-03T20:11:00.000-07:00

Hello,Rained all day today,it was hard and loud every minute it seemed like on this Thursday in September.The only time I ventured out was to go to McDonald's to get the buy one big mac get the second for a quarter.It is about the only time that I eat at Micky Dees.I was doing my budget for full timing and I came to the conclusion that I can live well on $1900 a month.I will display it later on when I am on the road.I did throw away alot of stuff in the house to get rid of, to get it closer to selling.I talked to Manny, he confirmed that October and November are great sales months for mobile homes.De was telling me that almost nothing sells in August and September.So my plan is to have the house ready for October.I watched the first regular season college football game tonight so that was a thrill for me.It is soooooo great that football season is here again.I will see you tomorrow.....

The Second Day of September

2009-09-02T10:17:00.000-07:00

Hello, Well yesterday there was not a hot bed of action taking place. In fact the only thing that I did of any significant was to call the police on Phil finally.Although I can not legally prove that he stole my meds and dvd's there is hope in tracking my handicap parking pass.It seems clear that he took my pass and so if it to the lady that he was living with while kicked out of his house from his wife.If the pass is found in this lady's possession it is a misdemeanor for her and him.So I can only hope that it is found and they both get what they deserve.The policeman that came out to file out the report was very nice.The main reason for filing out the report was for me to have a case number to bring to the DMV, so that I can get a replacement pass to replace the stolen one.So much excitement in my life. I waited so long because the piece of pupu that Phil turned out to be threatened to lie to the police and say that I was selling my pills rather then that he took them.

Today I do not feel well at all it is raining real bad so the pressure must be high and boy do I feel it.I slept solid all night an woke up like I did not sleep at all.I have a call in to Patricia, who is the owner of the South Bend,Indiana KOA that I will be workamping at next May.Her and her husband were discussing different ways to use me for the season.Hopefully she will call back while I am still writing so I can update all of you on the plan for my first workamping experience.Of course I was suppose to be there working this year but those darn medical issues blocked my fun.Plus, I did not sell my place so I still had an anchor around my neck.Looking at workamper news magazine there are a plethora of choices for the summer but for some reason or another I keep getting pulled to Granger,Indiana.I have no ties what so ever to the area, but I think it's close proximity to Chicago draws me to the area.Also, seeing a football game at Notre Dame is near the top of my bucket list.Seeing the Cubs play at Wrigley field and going to a Packers game at lambeau field are high on the bucket list as well.This location in Indiana offers access to so many great places.It is a couple hours away from Indianapolis, so the 500 and the brickyard are within reach.Cincinnati Oh is only a little further down the road to go see a Bengals or reds game.Michigan is only a couple miles a way and Detroit is a few hours a way to see a Lions,Tigers, Red Wings, Pistons Game.Then Cleveland is a little further to see the rock and roll hall of fame, a Browns,Indians,Cavs game.Then Canton Oh has the NFL hall of fame, which for any NFL fan is the holy grail. I mentioned seeing a Cubs game in Chicago but there is also the Bears, White Sox,Bulls, and Blackhawks.That is just the sports in the area there is so much American history and beauty to be found as well. And I intend to find it too. Well I have not heard back from Patricia yet , but when she calls I will include the conversation in tomorrow's log.Till then my friends.....

A New Month A New Beginning

2009-09-01T02:14:00.001-07:00

Hello, Well it is about 5am here on the east coast and I figured it is about time to write.I have been slacking big time in my journal writing.There are many excuses I can use but the truth is I just was not up to it.My hope and goal is to get back in the habit of writing at least a little bit every day once again.Baby steps, here is day one, so this is one day in a row.It is funny I fell so far behind on reading others journals as well.Which is something that is so enjoyable to me.It is time to get back on the saddle again and know whats going on in all of my friends lives.I am so sorry for falling behind, in the first place.When i get stressed out it seems to shut down my entire being.The electric bill last month and everything that has transpired the last couple of month kicked my backside.Thank all of you for being patient with me and staying tuned.

Yesterday was actually a pretty good day for me.I was able to get many things accomplished that needed to be be done.I got an advance from Frank to pay that monster of an electric bill.Then I went to the post office to mail in my $100 rebate from Verizon from my new phone.I also went and got revolution for my cats to keep the fleas away.Spoke to the attorney in charge of my Mom's estate and everything is on schedule for December.I did not have a good day on the phones booking appointments but I think I was just tired from running around.I also finally got my mail, which has not been done in a while.It might not sound like to much but for me it was an extremely busy day.I also moved my doctors appointment to Friday morning. I am not looking forward to that one at all.I;m afraid that he is going to find something else wrong with me.Something is not right with me feeling this tired all the time and having these major headaches.We will see what he says on Friday but I will see you all tomorrow.......

I Know its about Time

2009-08-27T13:34:00.000-07:00

Hello,It has been a while since I have written in my journal.Well as you know from Thursday the 20th till Tuesday the 25th I was in Tucson,AZ.I have been so stressed about bills and money stuff that it took away from my trip,It was still nice to see new things and hang out with family.One day I took Cory's car to drive around sightseeing RV parks.After roaming all over the city the nicest park at a reasonable price I found was only 3.2 miles away from Cory's house.The rest of the trip was really just hanging out and relaxing.

I get to pay a $550 electric bill this month from running my messed up ac last month.I have until Monday to pay it.I asked Frank if I can borrow the money for a week.I get my check on the third of the month so I will be able to pay him back then.On a brighter side in 90 days or so I will get some cash from my Mom's estate.My sister's and I have to get together to get a plan together on selling my Mom's house and property.Tonight at 8pm I will be watching the Miami Dolphins third preseason game.This is the most important of the preseason games because the starters on both teams play for about three quarters of the game.See you next time....

Well so much for my consistency

2009-08-21T10:26:00.000-07:00

Hello,Tucson is still beautiful and it is great to spend time with Cory.I have not broken out the camera yet but I will this weekend.Yesterday both of my flights went great.I was early getting to Houston and to Tucson.Cory picked me up about two minutes after I landed, which was great because we did not have to pay for parking, plus it was much less walking for me.We left the airport and went directly to an awesome little Mexican restaurant.I got a sampler platter that had a taco,tamale,a cheese enchilada, rice and beans.I also ordered a gordita with the most awesome slow cooked beef I have ever tasted.Mexican food was a major success and a great start to my trip.The rest of the day we just hung out and I got to meet my two second cousins.Trevor is 7 and cute as can be and Logan is 16 and very polite.Jerry, who is Cory's husband is just an awesome guy that is really looking forward to hanging out this weekend.He works as a correctional officer at a local jail but has this weekend off to hang with me.Since I use to live here I won't be doing alot of site seeing but just seeing the mountains is calming to my soul.Once again I must apologize for my sporadic inconsistent writing but I am doing what I can at this point.I will try very hard to take some pictures and post again tomorrow......

Monday Here in the East, Sunday Night Out West

2009-08-16T23:10:00.000-07:00

Hello,It is a little after two in the morning here on the east coast.Yup, you guessed it having trouble falling a sleep again.Although I was only on chat for less then an hour tonight, a couple of chatters talked about their consistency in writing their daily journals.It got me thinking of the reason that I began to write this journal.One of the things it was suppose to do is log my daily moods and emotions.Lately, I have honestly just felt completely out of myself.For those of you that have never suffered from clinical depression or any other serious mental illness.No matter how much I or any other person that is or has been there explains it, you will never fully get it.You think you do because depression is something that we all at one point go through.But, compairing the type of depression that a well minded individual encounters to the severity of someone handicapped with a mental illness grapples is like having an infection from cold or flue and now you think you understand the fear and complexity of having cancer.This in no way is a far fetched exaggeration of the difference in levels of severity between being depressed and living in a depressed state.

My mind shuts my body and brain down to the point that I can not function.Not a conscience choice but an involuntary paralysis of my mind that turns off my functionality.It would be like trying to play a video game without the controller.Tonight, this morning I am writing about this for several reasons.One being that I think that it needs to be written and read by myself once in a while to keep me from beating myself up.Another is to remind my few readers that my words are never meant to cause pain or hurt anyone other then myself once in a while.So if at anytime if I have said anything that hurt anybody I apologize with all my heart.I am not saying I am sorry for any of my beliefs or non beliefs as it might be but to anything that might have been focused off of myself.On those days where for some reason I feel my butt needs a good kicking is only meant to hurt me and to vent.Dee,Rick, and Penny thank you for sharing your consistent patterns with me.You motivated me with your own stories and that should be all of our goals in life.

I've already mentioned Dee, who is such a wonderful person with a wide open heart.Rick my one true sports fan friend on the chat line and Penny the ray of sunshine second one she enters the room.Others that I have to mention that have touched me in such positive are many and I will try not to forget anyone if I do TO BAD!! No just kidding I'm sorry I forgot.Phyllis you are the friend everyone needs in their corner.Rob, man you and I have shared alot of personal stuff.Deb you are the fun loving girl that tells it like it is like it or not.I know there is a democrat in you somewhere.Nonna I love your accounts of all of your travels.Netters and Mac are the coolest people that I have ever met from Kansas.Of course they are the only people I've met from Kansas.In all seriousness these are two people I cannot wait to give big hugs one day.Their caring and love for people comes across any computer screen.Jake always has something cool going on in his little Texas town.Leno is like a caring aunt that only wants the best for you.Bill besides being cool in the shadow is the man to talk to if you need info.Lisa , even though I have not scene her in a while, is the constant comedian with a Tennessee sized heart.John our fire man is always been nothing but kind to me.Jenny always makes great points in her comments.Joe aka Speedy is just an unbelievable human being.Even though I have never had the honor and privilege of meeting him. He might never know how much our little chats have meant to me.I know that I have come across as needy to him because I admire him so much but thank you so much for being you.Needy for Speedy- that's pretty funny.You are a great guy and I hope I have never pushed your hand of friendship anything but closer.Anna is always nice with good conversation.Sandra is always on chat to short and bringing lots of smiles.It has been a long time since I have had the luck to chat with Linda but what a wonderful person she is just because that is who she is as a person.And last but certainly not least mt first RV friend Howard.We have shared great emails and phone calls.The only hope I have for Howard is that we get the chance to become closer and better friends.OK enough butt kissing- no really you all mean and enhance my life so much.If I forgot anyone please leave me a comment and forgive me.

Truth is one day I will most likely take my own life.I say this not to put up a flag or show I am out of my head.I am 100% sane at this moment but one day my physical and mental pain will be to much for me.So it is important for me to tell people how I feel, when I have the chance.Thank each of you for giving even one second of your life caring about me and my life, it means everything to me.Well it is getting close to my trip to Arizona and it doesn't even seem real.Anyway I will see you later Love Dave........

Thursday to Sunday in August 2009

2009-08-16T15:56:00.000-07:00

Hello, Life is so exciting it can only be written about a couple times a week.Well really nothing to report even after my long lay off from writing.Except of course this coming Thursday is my trip to Tucson to visit my cousin Cory.She is looking forward to my trip as much as I am.Mexican food be warned a great deal of you will be in my belly by next Tuesday.I will be taking my camera with me,so I should have some great pictures of the area and my family.My sister Joy is on a week cruise in Alaska.She only had to pay her flight and the trip is on an upper scale cruise lineI'll get the name of the cruise line but it would have cost her over $5,000, if she had to pay for it.She needed to get away by herself after my Mom passed away.Last night I went to Scott's and had some awesome Italian food from a new place that opened.They made fresh pasta and it was so light and fresh tasting.Still living with just the window unit and sleeping in the living room so at least I have that going for me.Anyway sorry life is not more active, but as soon as something happens it will be shared.....

Saturday through Wednesday

2009-08-12T12:15:00.000-07:00

Hello,Sorry for the delay in posting but there has not been much to post.The last few days have been very trying, living with only a window AC unit has really been hard.I have been living in my living room and rushing to other parts of the house.A new unit for my AC is around $2,000, so that will not be going in anytime soon.I figure as I write it is August 12, so another month or so the weather will give me some relief.Fred the guy who wants or wanted to buy my place is having surgery the beginning of September.This might have been the change in heart or at least a cool down for wanting to buy my place.Either way I think it is time to settle in for the winter and see what happens.August to October are the worst months to attempt to sell a moblehome in south Florida.Hurricane season and moblehomes just do not go together very well.So the plan is now to enjoy one more NFL season on my big screen TV at home.November til March is when I must sell and get traveling.Well I will try to keep up to date on my writing.See you soon....

Thursday and Friday in August 2009

2009-08-07T13:45:00.000-07:00

Hello,Well surprise,surprise no money in my hand from Fred.I now once again do not know if my place is sold or not, but this time I am not going to just wait around.I talked with him and he still swears he wants it but money talks.Should have known it was to good to be true.Why can't people say something the actually do what they say.

Yesterday Fred also did not deliver on the promise of letting me use his ac window unit.Luckily my friend Frank had a brand new window unit still in the box.He bought it as an emergency unit for after a hurricane to use with a generator.It is a small unit and much better then nothing but it is still above 80 in the living room and warmer then that throughout the rest of the house.Talk about miserable.At least my cats can stay near the ac unit to keep cool and I slept right under it to finally get some sleep last night.Also last night I cashed in my free meal at Wendys.Boy did they go out of there way to make sure this meal was perfect and it was. Nothing else good or bad to report.See you tomorrow or Sunday...

Tuesday and Wednesday

2009-08-05T17:53:00.000-07:00

Hello,I once again did not feel great on Tuesday, so I kept the pattern of writing every two days.There actually a variety of things to share in this post.Some very good and some very bad news.I will start with the bad to show it, the proper respect.Mark died yesterday morning in his hospice hospital room.They gave him six months and he lasted six days.I send my love to his wife and two daughters.

In a strange turn of events my mothers attorney in charge of her estate did not read the latest amendment of my Mom's will.I will actually make out much better in the revised will.Now I will get 25% of the sale of her house and property.Also 15% of whatever left over cash, stocks and other investment after all bills have been paid.So that was good news for me.

Another bit of good news is that I am flying to Tucson,AZ on the 20th of August til the 25th.I am going to spend some time with my cousin Cory and her husband Jerry.It just so happens that I needed to get away and Cory's friend works for the airline.She was able to get me a buddy pass for the flight.I will stay at their house. so besides eating out and any activities we might do,I have no expenses.

Some potential great news that I will find out for sure tomorrow is that I think my place is sold.My neighbor across the street has an Uncle staying with them and he was looking for an inexpensive place close to family.He is suppose to go to the bank to get me a down payment tomorrow.We shook hands on it and he seems to be very excited about buying my place.We will see what happens tomorrow! We already have a move in date established of October first.I just hope everything actually goes as planned, for a change.

My air conditioning is down again! This time it needs an entire new unit.Fred, the potential buyer is aware of the air and is actually going to put a window unit in for me tomorrow, until he can fix the central unit.I hope so because now at 9:30 at night it is still over 90 degrees in this place.I will struggle for one more night, rather then invade some one's home.Two great things could potentially happen tomorrow.Keep your fingers and toes crossed for me.See ya tomorrow...

Another Double Post Sunday and Monday

2009-08-03T13:32:00.000-07:00

Hello,I forgot to post yesterday, but you did not miss to much.On the one day that I do not try to wake up before 10, I got up at 9 for some reason.A run to CVS got all the things that were needed for the day.At about 5:30pm I went to Scott's for dinner and to hang out for awhile.Got home and watched the movie The Great Buck Howard.It was a cute movie with a great cast that included John Malkovich,Tom Hanks, Colin Hanks, and Steve Zahn.Don't run out to see it but it was enjoyable if you get a chance to watch it.I got really sick at about 5 in the morning and slept in till 4 pm on Monday.Tonight I will watch WWE Raw and chat online.Sorry not to exciting but that's all I got.See you tomorrow...

This is a Double Post Friday & Saturday

2009-08-01T13:02:00.001-07:00

Hello,I forgot to post Friday night after watching some boxing.On Friday the big news was that my Mom did not forget me in her will.The fact that I was remembered and included made my day.It really meant alot to me and the fact that she left me $10,000 was great.I really need the money but I will put it in an account and only use it for emergency's.The rest of the day there was not a heck of alot to report besides a trip to blockbuster and Super Target.

Today I slept in again , even though I was not suppose to, was set to make calls.My pain meds got the best of me today. My voice sounded like crap , so sleep was a good option.Scott called me to tell me Mark is in stage four cancer.So that just made me feel even worse then I did already.Tonight I think I am going to go to dinner with Scott then there is a good boxing match on Showtime at 9pm.Rick hopefully you get a chance to read this today to figure out what time the matches come on in your time zone my friend.After the matches I will most likely stop in to the chat room to say hello to everybody. That is all for Friday and Saturday.See ya on Sunday....

Thursday at the Golden Corral

2009-07-30T17:50:00.000-07:00

Hello,This will be a short entry today.Went to bed at 5:30am and slept til around 3pm.When my feet hit the floor , it was the usual feed the cats,take my meds and check my phone messages.Not sure if it was mentioned but last week I went to Wendy's for dinner.When I go,which is not that often,I usual get a few meals.That is what I did last Tuesday night as well.The food was cold,burnt and just plain stunk.It was not the first time that the food was bad from this particular location.I actual remembered to write an email explaining my experience and the others like it in the past to the Wendy's corporate offices.Today the area manager called me to apologise and offer to replace the entire order.Good deal considering that my order was over $18 and four meals for me.So guess what I am having for dinner tomorrow night.Tonight, Gary and I went to the golden corral for dinner.It was good and with a drink my meal was around $14 for all you can eat.Ate a good bit but surprisingly did not over do it, which is what usually happens.It was nice to just get out for a while anyway. Did not get a chance to book anymore appointments for tomorrow but its OK.Frank said today's appointments were not to great but it is a numbers game.Well that's all I got for you today.See you tomorrow....

Workin Wednesday

2009-07-29T18:40:00.001-07:00

Hello,Today was all about making phone call since there were no appointments set for the week.So how was the day you ask? Only was my best day since this venture began.I booked eight count them eight appointments in one day.That is my weekly goal and man I was on a roll.Four of them are for tomorrow,three are scheduled for Friday and another one for the 17th of August.So that really made my day.Tomorrow's goal is to book 2 or 3 more for Friday then that's it for the week.Frank's brother is flying in from France next week and he will be staying for two weeks.Frank and I will set a specific schedule maybe one or two days a week.

I left another message for Manny but still have not heard back from him.Well hopefully he is so busy selling places that my place will just fall in line.We will see what happens in the coming days and weeks.I can not count on people that are suppose to be my friends, so lets see how things shake out.It was Gary's birthday today so I went over this morning after not sleeping much and also went over tonight for an hour or so.Tomorrow night we are going to go to dinner at a Chinese buffet or Golden Coral.Either way I will not be eating all day so I can stuff my belly full of food.

Today is one month since the death of my mother.It really was a fast month filled with all kinds of bad news.Like that song on HEE HAW "If it wasn't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all." Well my hope is that august brings some much needed good news.We will find out together, in this here journal.Thank you to those of you that follow my life's ups and downs.See ya all tomorrow....

Not the Greatest Tuesday!

2009-07-28T18:32:00.000-07:00

Hello,Today was a not feeling so well day.I did not get out of my bed for the day until about 4:30 pm.I called to leave a message for Manny so, maybe I'll hear from him tomorrow.My brother Scott called me today.He informed me that his friend Mark is in the hospital with liver cancer.Mark you might remember is the guy that fixed my AC the first time without charging me a penny.Scott.who is usually really strong is very scared and upset about Mark.I am as well. He has always been very giving and helpful to me.I did not feel well enough to make calls today.Maybe whatever made me feel like this today is what was effecting me yesterday as well.I did go over to Gary's for an hour, just to get out of the house.After that came home and got in the chat room.Now just finishing this til tomorrow ....

Early Bird Does Not Always Catch the Worm

2009-07-27T15:17:00.000-07:00

Hello,Well after forcing myself to lay down in bed at three in the A.M. ,so that I would be able to be up and making phone calls by ten.For some reason at six,I just could not sleep anymore.So I did this and that for a couple of hours,Then at eight,I broke down and called Gary to see if he wanted the buy one sausage Mcmuffin get another free deal.I very seldom eat Mcdonalds but for some unknown reason today the taste was there.So I ended up getting the muffins and going over to Gary's for a bit.I broke down and took a couple of drags of a cigarette.Its funny I really do not enjoy it but still I try.Since I did not enjoy it, it was actually good reinforcement of another reason not to smoke.But stupid me I am sure sometime or another it will be tried again.Oh well, what can you do if its not this it is that.Always something going on, good or bad its happening.After only talking to one or two people in more then an hour of calling. It was time to give it a rest and call again in the nighttime.It is 6:30 as this entry is written and the juice is just not there tonight.Not making excuses but most of these leads are pretty beat up.Frank will most likely stop by later to drop off some much needed new ones.So, tomorrow is the day that the appointments will be made.I do not necessarily feel bad but I just feel yucky.Something is just not right.Most likely its that Mcmuffin fighting back against me.Nothing else really exciting happened today.Tomorrow Manny will get a call so he does not forget to sell my place.See you then....

Sunday the 26th of July

2009-07-26T16:13:00.000-07:00

Hello,Well when I say nothing happened today, it is an understatement.Slept til after three in the afternoon since my head didn't hit the bed til after eight am.My internal clock is all messed up and even when sleeping it is not real deep sleep most of the time.So when I got up feed the cats, took my meds, and got on the computer.I signed up for this service called mp3rocket a couple of years ago.It was like $30 for lifetime use of the service.It is a place where you can download all types of music to play on your computer.The only problem was that they were written in another language then an ipod reads.But, for some reason today after over 2 years of trying all of my music from rocket mp3 got into my ipod and got translated to ipod language.Do not ask me how, why or what the heck happened all the sudden but it did.The stereo in my truck has a connection that you can plug an ipod into it.So that is good news, I can create playlists that play for how long that I want to drive.It is a good way to keep track of time without looking at a clock.You can group the songs to create a mood or just mix everything up and shuffle the play.No commercials, and instant access to any song if you get in the mood for it.If this keeps working then if I am listening to the radio and like a song I can download it when I stop for a break.OK enough about that but it is a cool thing.

Besides that really nothing else happened the entire day.Since quitting smoking cigarettes I have not gone over to Gary's because he is a smoking machine.One thing really bothers me though, I have not called so we have not spoken.It is amazing that if I do not initiate hanging out that he does not call me or anything.Most people I would think did not like me if that happened but he never wants me to leave when I visit.It is just laziness on his part.Believe it or not if it doesn't have to do with smoking,drinking,watching TV or sleeping then it is to much effort.By the way it is Sunday and like everything else Phil has promised ,his promise of giving me $100 Thursday or Friday fell by the waste side.Like that old country song says I need to start hanging out with a better class of losers.At least I do have some great people in my life.Tonight will be spent talking to friends in the chat room and then followed with a movie.See you tomorrow for the start of a new week....

The 25th of July

2009-07-25T20:07:00.000-07:00

Hello,Today was Saturday and I actually had a good day.Well let explain, it did not start out good, but a phone call changed that.Last night I did not get home from Frank's house until after one in the morning.After putting Olivia(his daughter) to sleep at 9, Frank and I ordered pizza from Papa Johns from the Internet.Just after ordering the pizza Frank called the front desk security guard to his community, to let him know to let delivery guy in the community.The guard was a jerk and told Frank to use the phone service to put in the request to let the driver in.Frank called but the service was not working so he called the guard back to make sure he understood to let the pizza guy in.Well about 10:30 Marci(Franks wife) called Frank to tell him that she had two phone calls from the front gate telling her that the guard was not going to let the pizza guy past the gate.So Frank calls the guard to ask why he did not let the driver in and he tells Frank that he never called.So long story short we never got the pizza.We ate some frozen pizza that Frank had.It was not good at all and I was so pissed off at the guard.Frank is to polite and did not even give the guy a lashing.Since I am so poor I was looking forward to eating real pizza all week.Because of one idiot not only did we not get the pizza but we did not start the movie until almost 11pm.On the way home I stopped at Dunkin Donuts to bring some home.

When arriving home it was like my body just woke up for some reason.So I fooled around on the computer and watched TV.By the time I looked at the clock it was after 8 in the morning.So stayed up to make calls from ten to eleven but no luck.Layed down at fifteen after eleven and woke up a little after four pm.After getting up, feed the cats, took meds , and returned phone calls.Only got in touch with Frank and he thought that I just slept and did not make calls.Olivia was sick and kept him up most of the night.Then he had a busy day scheduled, so he was beat. Called Scott back but he never returned my call.Then I left a message for Howard.The rest of the day I was downloading music off the internet and playing on the computer.

After my Mom died, my sister Joy was able to get in touch with my cousin Gary.He, Jeff, and Cory are the children of my Mom's sister Sid(my Aunt).Well Gary sent Joy an email with everybodys contact information.Today I decided to call and leave a message on all three of my cousins cell phones.Around 9 tonight Cory called me back.She was the only one to call me back but tomorrow Jeff and Gary will probably give me a ring.Cory and I for one reason or another just fell out of touch.She, like me is the youngest of the 3 kids.We also share the fact that we deal with depression and anxiety issues.She is also on disability due to her emotional problems.Unlike me she is married and has a son.We talked for 2 hours and it seemed like 5 minutes.We both had so much to say and so many question that we often talked over each other.It was so great and yes I am using the word great to talk to her.It was like a part of my life was reopened and this family member that has been a stranger for all these years has come back.I am already looking for campgrounds in the Tucson area to go there as soon as I get on the road.We will see what happens in the future but it is exciting,being excited about anything these days.Well hey what do you know something to report and it was good news.We will see if I can find some tomorrow.See ya then......

Friday the 24th of July

2009-07-24T14:23:00.000-07:00

Hello! Well sorry but today's report is not going to blow your socks off.Did not set any appointments today and did not talk to anyone as a matter of fact.Just one of those days. Oh Well !! I woke up early for me, it was around 9 am.It was surprising to me to be up and alert.Considering my head did not touch a pillow until almost 6 am.The majority of the day was spent fooling around on the computer.Not sure if I'm the only one but when on google maps my imagination runs wild.I take every road on my dream journey's.Make plans like I will one day for real.Something happens to me, a feeling of joy,wonderment,and the feeling of getting lost whenever those darn maps take my attention.Also spent alot of time price shopping many different items on the Internet,Some were needs but most of them were just wants.Other items that were compared were just dream items, that would need me hitting the lottery to get.

Tonight is pizza and movie night over Frank's house.Marci is having her girls night out, so Frank and I are doing guys night in.It really depends on what time I get home from his house whether or not I will see any of you on chat later.I hope so! See ya tomorrow....

Thursday July 23

2009-07-23T14:18:00.000-07:00

Hello.Nothing special to report today, as I once again slept in.Tonight is going to be a night off from making phone calls for Frank.The reason being is that he is all booked up for tomorrow.So Friday and Saturday will be spent booking up Monday the 27th.Do not really have any big plans for tonight except to watch a movie later and stop on the chat line.Do not have alot of food in the house, so I just might go grab some Chinese food.Still have not heard anything from the sales guy Manny.Made my trip to CVS, the bank and got one movie from blockbuster earlier in the day.Besides that unfortunately everything else is the same, sorry for the inactivity.I will try again tomorrow....

Wednesday July 22

2009-07-22T16:55:00.000-07:00

Hello,Slept in again after not going to sleep until the weeeeee hours of the morning.Made my phone calls in the evening and ended up setting two appointments for Friday.That means in three days my total is nine appointments set.My goal each week is to set eight or nine so that lets me get a jump on booking Monday filled up.So that part of my life is at least going well right now.Have not heard anything more from Manny(The sales guy), but it has only been a couple of days.talked to Joy this afternoon and she informed me that next Friday, the 31st will be the reading of the will.It is actually taking place about 3 to 31/2 hours north of here in a town called Clermont.It is not to far away from Orlando, because that is where mt Mother's house and land are located.She set up her will while she was still living up there ,so most likely, I am not going to be in the will.Told Joy that I'm most likely not going to go up therefor the reading.That would be a long and lonely drive home if my instincts are correct.Besides that Phil stopped over and said that he is going to start paying me off and I will have $100 this Friday.He did finally admit to me that ha was having a problem with drugs and please do not think he was capable of doing the stuff he has been doing now that he has stopped taking the drugs.We will see what happens in the future but my breath is still not held.Nothing else to report except I decided to stop smoking cigarettes today.Last time it lasted 6 months without one and now with experience this should be it.I will never say never but it won't be for awhile.Well goodnight Canada and The US of A see you after the next sunrise.......

Just Tuesday

2009-07-21T22:02:00.000-07:00

Hello,Today will be short and sweet.Had trouble sleeping so ended up sleeping til 3pm.When the meds were taken and the cars feed , my day started.Made my phone calls around 5pm til around 7:30pm and ended up with four appointments.So even though they were done late.at least they got done and four is a good day.After that, took my daily trip to Gary's house to shoot the breeze.By the time I left it was 9:30pm and hunger was setting in on my belly.Got in my car to get some movies at blockbuster and food at wendys.Came back to the house and munched on my burger and fries while watching the movie WATCHMEN.It was a good enough movie a little confusing and very gruesome.It was very interesting and to say the least unique.Now it is after1am on Wednesday, when writing this post.Well enough excitement for you for today , see you tomorrow.......

Monday at home

2009-07-20T17:07:00.000-07:00

Hello,Another day is now over and it is time to write about it.Well some good stuff to report.First as promised yesterday, the phone calls got made today.Ended up setting three new appointments, so that is a good work day.About 2pm it was time for the daily trip to CVS.On my way back the guy named Manny called me from the home sales office.Not even ten minutes after I got home from CVS he knocked on the door.He came in asked some questions and looked around.We discussed price and he let me know what amount I could sell it quickly for.It was more then Phil was going to pay me and if the buyer is interested in the appliances I can charge them separate for them.It would be nice if the buyer also wants my 65 inch HD TV.It would save me placing an add in the paper.It was nice to get a ballpark figure and now we will see what happens.Manny said that he has a couple people in mind already that asked for a doublewide.The soonest that I would be able to move out would be September first.Since I will pay the lot rent for august, it makes sense to give myself time to throw away and sell everything not coming with me.Still have not heard anything from Phil and so not think it will happen.Give people a chance and they will expose there true colors.Well good for him he screwed me out of at least $1,000.Who knows what else he might have stolen from me without my knowledge.OH WELL YOU LIVE AND LEARN.Got to look forward, that is where my goal is in the future not behind me.Not much of anything else happened today and tonight I will watch WWE Raw on TV.See you around the bend......

Sunday with Steve

2009-07-19T15:16:00.000-07:00

Hello,Well once again sleep did not begin till the early morning hours.This time I was hanging out with my nephew Steve.It was nice visiting with him for the night.Yesterday,I pointed out some of Steve's less the good qualities.Today I need to tell you that he really does have a good heart but just needs direction.At his age, he needs to find it sooner rather then later.Not that he is old a 25, at all but he really needs a purpose to motivate him.Anyway just my opinion and who am I to talk.I am a handicap poor person, hardly making my own bills at 37 years old.I do love and care about Steve very much.Woke up at around 3pm and watched the Yankees game with Steve.We got hit with another severe thunderstorm, so he hung out at my place til after 6pm.After writing this I will go to Gary's for a while and maybe get on the chatline later.I will without a doubt be making my phone calls at 10 am tomorrow morning and every day this week.No more slacking or missing time.The money is badly needed in these parts.See you at the start of a new week....

Another Wasted Saturday

2009-07-18T12:50:00.000-07:00

Hello,Well my internal clock is still real messed up.Another night that falling a sleep was just a dream.The alarm went off at 9:30 am and the day started off with me getting sick.After flushing my last couple of days meals down the drain, and feeling dizzy.My body took a vote. and the winner was lay back down.Of course after the teeth got brushed and the listerine got swished to get the nasty taste out of my mouth.At that point it was time to rest and the next thing that I knew it was 2:30 pm in the afternoon.Another wasted day that the phone calls did not get made.When you are broke days like this absolutely kill the bottum line.But, it would not have been a productive day feeling and sounded like I did.Still have not heard anything from the office about someone coming out to take a look at my place to give me an estimate on its potential worth.

My nephew Steve is on his way over as this is being writted.He left a couple of messages while my body held down the bed.Before my mother's death Steve was living at his father's place in Georgia near Atlanta.Now he is staying at my sister Joy's house sponging off of them for a while.He is a slacker, just kinda cruising through life and staying for free at place to place.He is 25 and really does not have any direction.I love him but just wish he would do something with himself.Anyway he just got here I might write more later, if not see you tomorrow......

Fast Friday

2009-07-17T16:57:00.000-07:00

Hello,Today was a fast moving nothing happening type of day.It began with me not being able to go to sleep.Finally at about 5:30 -6am the bed called for someone to come lie down on it.Frank had said that he was going to call me in the morning to let me know when to book his appointments on Monday.He already has a couple of things scheduled during the day on Monday, so I did not want to double book him.Well anyway he was so busy that he forgot to call me and I forgot to wake up.When my feet hit the ground again it was after 3pm.Then did my morning stuff.Take my meds,feed the cats. return phone calls, check my emails and things of that nature.Then Gary got home and we got to talking about different things.I had to take trip to the bank to take out money.By the time I returned and talked to Gary a little more it was 7pm.My friend Mario stopped over for a minute or two.Talked to Frank and found out about his busy day.His wife Marci was suppose to go out with friends for the night.She ended up not feeling well.Frank and I had planned a guys night in, by ordering pizza and watching movies.So there went my plans for tonight.So now I am writing this post and will end up watching TV for the rest of the night.Maybe later go on the chat line to say hello to some friends.That is going to be the end of another exciting day in my life.The guy from the park sales office never called or stopped by my place.Well he might have stopped by before three but he was suppose to call first.Tomorrow is another day and I'll see you then.......

Reality Thursday

2009-07-16T19:24:00.000-07:00

Hello,Another day another lesson learned.Phil says that he did not get the loan and that he will start paying me some from every check.I learned never to mix friendship and money.It is not a new lesson but it really came shining through today.Let me get off of that subject before I get mad.Finally went to the office to ask about my options about selling my place.They have a service that charges $1500 to sell your place.They made me aware that the older moblehomes like mine have been selling very well lately.So tomorrow someone is suppose to call me and the come by my place to tell me what my place is worth.So I am a little excited to find out a price they will come up with.Anyway it is nice that I followed through with going to the office.

The only other thing that I really did today was go shopping at Publix.I needed cat food, soda and something for diner.I ended up getting a sub sandwich for my meal.They had their brand soda buy one get one free so I stocked up and got ten of them.I went over to Gary's place for a little bit.I also measured the bed of my truck.It is eight feet long and five feet wide.I have decided to get either a campertop or flattop for the bed for additional storage. I am just starting to look, but it is going to depend on how tall my generator stands.If it fits under the flattop that would be better since its cheaper.Well we will see what tomorrow brings......

Noisy Wednesday

2009-07-15T13:49:00.000-07:00

Hello,They are putting in a new moblehome on the street behind me three spots down,So I was not able to make phone calls this morning due to all the noise.Banging, pounding,drilling,screwing and cutting all day long.It does alot to help this screaming headache that I've had on and off for a while now.Well I guess that's progress, in the neighborhood anyway.There are only a handful of older homes like mine left in the park.So,I am going to go to the office to review my options about getting from under the lot rent and high electric bills that more then drained my funds.Been meaning to go to the office all week but for some reason it keeps slipping my mind.Whats left of my mind, anyway.So I was able to drown out a good bit of the noise outside with a noisy fan that I have and get some much needed rest.It is around 5pm now, so soon I am going to make my phone calls to see if I can get some people home at night.

Well ready for a big, big surprise? Are you sure you are ready and can handle the shock of this next statement.A shock to all as I mentioned it is around 5pm and have you seen Phil.Guess what, me neitherI.Called him at around 9:30am and left a message.He did text me back saying that his manager called and asked him to open the park.He said "won't be long call you when I get out"Hey giving the benefit of the doubt, that he had to stay and work all day.It only takes a minute to call or text,just to let me know that it is not going to work out again today.Anyway I am through waiting on Phil, if he comes around and everything works out, it at this point would be only a bonus.Not making excuses for him in the least but he has been going through alot of stuff as well.Everyone handles situations differently. Who is to say who is right or who is wrong?Certainly not me with all my hang ups and problems.I will just simply say that I would handle things in a different way then Phil is handling the situation.It does make me feel rather unimportant to someone that has been one of my best friends.Then again I have the opportunity to go to the office everyday to review my options and I have not so we are all messed up in our own way.

I did call my sister Joy today and had a nice little chat.She had told me she was on her way back from picking up my Mom's death certificate.I joked "How Fun" she said exactly no fun at all.She did tell me that she was going to give me $500 of my Mom's cash that was left in her account.Joy paid the funeral expenses out of that money and gave some to other family members.Do not know if $500 is good or bad but I feel fortunate to get it at this point in my life.That gives me a little security for next month anyway.I believe in my heart that Joy will do the right thing when it comes to splitting up my Mom's stuff.She knows the dire situation that I am in and has a good heart.She does deserve the lion's share since she was the one that was there everyday taking care of my Mom.I could have never done that,even if I was in better financial shape and not disabled.I told her today what a great job she did and that she should be very proud of herself for making my Mother's last year on earth as comfortable as possible.Joy is a strong woman and has gone through alot of stuff in her own life.Donna was there for my Mom as much as she could have been.She moved back down here from North Carolina the end of May and my Mom died on June 29.It was just meant to be that she was there for Mom holding her hand as she died.Part of me wishes that I stayed the extra 45 minutes from when I left the hospital to the time she died.Another part is so glad that I was not there to actually see her dead or experience the moment she died.Donna shared with me that she still has nightmares about that moment.I actually just called her to say hello.Be right back.OK I am back.My Dad called while on the phone with Donna.He found out that they are laying off people at his job.He will be one of the first to go because he makes big money compared to what they would pay the newer employees.Then my nephew Shane called me and we chatted for a bit.What was going to be a couple minute break turned out to be longer.It is now 6:30pm.Out of all of my family members Donna is with out a doubt the best person of the bunch.Not putting anyone else down at all,but she is very honest.She always stands for what is right and does not compromise.Joy is a good person as well but she has more business Savvy.Joy would not mind screwing over a couple people or bending the rules a bit in the process of getting something accomplished.I when in the business world was ruthless but always got the job done.So we are like the three bears.Donna's was to hot(meaning she would rather get stepped on then step on anyone), mine was to cold (I would step on anyone to get the job done right)and Joy was just right(She would step on people if need be but will never ever get stepped on).It is amazing just how different the three of us are as people.But, we all get along.support and love each other, which is the important thing.If my Mom's death did nothing else it brought the three of us closer.Well still have not heard from Phil so that wraps up another day.See you on what I hope is a fantastic Friday....

Tu Tu Tuesday

2009-07-14T16:44:00.000-07:00

Hello.It was not a bad day at all.I fact it border on being a good day.I made my calls and set four appointments.So that was a good start to the day.After that I had to make a run to CVS,the bank and Blockbuster.At the bank I deposited every cent that I have, so no more backup or emergency money.That doesn't cause me any stress at all.Supposedly, and I stress Supposedly I am suppose to get money from Phil tomorrow.We are also, suppose to talk about him buying my place.You might have picked up that I'm not holding my breath.We will see what happens tomorrow.It would not be a surprise if I have to listen to some other excuse.I am so sick of it and wish the money was not needed as bad as it is to survive.Tonight my plans include watching the MLB ALLSTAR GAME and stopping in the chat room for a while to visit my friends.

L decided to learn more about the practices of ZEN Buddhism.I do not care for any religious aspects just the concept of practicing mindfulness.Learning to live with less and getting more on focusing on the less.I have a bad habit of trying to do to much, to the point that I'm rushing through life.It causes me stress and anxiety that I do not need.Focusing on doing a few tasks and being there giving 100% of my attention is where I need to end up.If I can accomplish this one little thing I believe it will vastly effect the wholeness of my life.Instead of just enjoying the places I will go , I will also enjoy the drive.Stopping to smell the roses and only concentrating on the smell of the rose.Well we will see how that works out.....

Man It Was Monday

2009-07-13T18:36:00.000-07:00

Hello,Today was close to being a waste of a day.I woke up to make my calls and my head felt like it was going to explode.Migraine headache to the maximum.It hurt when I just took a breath.So I took pain meds and spent the day in bed.So like I said almost a waste of a day but I am on the chatline now.It is nice to spend sometime with friends.I really need to lean on them and others right now.Feeling so stressed out that it is really effecting every aspect of my existence.

As many of you read on RV-Dreams journal my first RV friend Howard and I talked on the phone.I really appreciated the phone call especially knowing the busy schedule him and Linda keep these days.From my end it really surprised me how well we got along as individuals.I expected Howard to be a good guy, just knowing his personality a bit from reading his writing so long.What was a pleasant surprise to me was the in depth conversation we were able to have.There was really no fluff in our talk and we were able to cover a wide range of topics.Him and I have more in common then I would have ever imagined.I really look up to him for not only what he was able to do with the website but the quality of human being.Truly one of the good people in the world.He has his own mind with his own way of viewing the world that makes him a desirable person to want to know and be around.It was funny in my post the other day I went out of my way to not say that the phone call from a friend was not Howard.I did not realise that he was going to write about it in his post.I liked it and did not mind one bit.I am proud to call Howard a friend of mine besides him always being my first RV friend.

Other then sleeping today,I talked on the phone for a while with Frank.He has been so great and understanding since my Mom died.Then I went to Gary's for an hour or so to hang out.Also downloaded a few movies of the Internet to watch.Ended up watching the new Terminator movie last night.I enjoyed it and the price was right.Tomorrow after I make my phone calls it will be time to go to blockbuster.This week a movie called A Haunting in Connecticut which is based on a true story.It looks pretty freaky.You know I love my horror movies and the fact that this one is true really kicks it up a notch.Hopefully I will get some money from Phil that he owes me as well.We will find out together in tomorrow's post......

Some Sunday!

2009-07-12T19:25:00.001-07:00

Hello,After not going to sleep until about 1pm today I crashed til about 5:30pm.Woke up and my power was off.Luckily Gary called my cell to ask if my electric was off too.So we decided to go to a neighborhood bar/restaurant named Bruz room.It is named after an ex Miami Dolphin named Bob Bruzinski.I had a coupon buy one meal get one free.So he knows that I'm broke and did not mind me using the coupon because it doesn't cost him any extra.I still spent $17 between us splitting an appetiser,my soda, and a nice tip for a job well done.The combo meal had a couple wings ,onion rings two big mozzarella triangles and two big chicken tenders.Then Gary got this fried seafood platter and I got the ribs that were on sale.They were OK but glad they were free after my coupon.We stayed a couple of hours thinking the electric would be back on when we got back home.Guess what, no electric.So we went to our houses to use the restroom and get a drink and sat outside in between our houses.It was cooler out there then in the house.So we chatted for a while and another neighbor named Maria joined us for a while.Then at 9:30 ELECTRIC was back on.So I came inside downloaded the movie Angles and Demons .Then I am on chat now as I write.

I had a really good time last night at Scott's house watching the UFC pay per view.Brock Lesnar won, so I was happy.He use to wrestle in the fake WWE.Now he is the world champion in the real ultimate fighter.Then when I got home Showtime was rerunning the boxing match that I wanted to see.Great night for me sports then more sports.I am a sportsaholic for sure.Anyway going to go back and talk to some of you wonderful people.See you tomorrow....

Saturday at Home

2009-07-11T15:41:00.000-07:00

Hello,Tonight I am hopeful that I will be able to talk to Phil and finalize an agreement on buying my place.It is so hard dealing with him because it is difficult to get a straight answer.Did not really do anything worth reporting today except for a phone call from a friend that was a real thrill to talk to them.Just watching the Yankees game and taking it easy.I did put in a application for google adsense.I figure if I make $100 a year it is more then nothing.Tonight, I am going to go to my brother Scott's house to watch a UFC pay per view.It is almost 7pm now and I will go there around 9 or 10pm.So hopefully, in the next couple of hours Phil will get in touch with me and we can figure everything out.Well thats about it for today but I will catch you on the flip-side....

Forgot About Friday

2009-07-11T12:30:00.000-07:00

Hello,For some reason I forgot all about posting yesterday.Twenty lashes with a wet noodle for me as my punishment.Well you did not miss to much I promise you that.Did not get any appointments from my phone calls.It is weird some days I will get two in a half hour and some I can call for four hours straight and not get one.Oh well such is life as they say.Had trouble sleeping once again so I tried to lay back down, which was pretty much a waste of time.Went over to Gary's house for a couple hours in the early evening.I did get a chance to write Howard and Linda a personal e-mail sharing my feelings with them.Even though I do not know them personally,I really love them alot.I feel the same about several of my friends from the chat room.It is important to me to mention things like this when I can, because when I'm feeling down the focus is about me and my dislike for myself.I am not exactly whistling Dixie but there is a chance things will work out.I was suppose to sit down and talk to Phil face to face last night,it was his idea.But, around 9 -930 last night I sent him a text saying "Boy I'm glad I did not make any plans tonight so you and I could hang out and talk".He wrote me back saying sorry ended up watching kids, sorry should have called.Which no big deal he has alot of shit going on right now as well.I still have not found the missing stuff but he swears he did not take it and I care more about selling my place then any of that anyway.Dealing with Phil is very tiring because you can never get a straight answer.Any way not much else to report of any interest.See you tomorrow (well really later today).....

Thursday Just Another Day

2009-07-09T17:13:00.000-07:00

Hello,Thank you to those that left comments on my last post.You must think that I am a complete nutcase, but at least with I know you are still reading my journal.So thank to my readers at least I am not talking or writing in this case, to myself.The fish were not biting today during my phone calls.I called for an hour straight number after number, but did not talk to anyone.Frank always tells me that Thursday is a big doctor's appointment days.So, I guess they all had morning appointments today.Oh, well ! I managed to go to blockbuster and rent a couple more flix.Since I pay only a monthly charge, it does not cost me anymore to rent more movies,.So why not?It keeps my mind off of all the shit going on in my life.I also went to Gary's place to chill for a bit.

Last night Joy and I were talking about the will.She is waiting for the death certificate to arrive before she can go to the attorneys.I was able to share with her on how hurt I will be if my mother did not leave me anything at all.But, I would not put it past her. When I was 13 years old I was bar mitzvahed ( I am part Jewish)and had a big party.My great mother kept all of my gift money.It was several thousand dollars.So that tells you a little bit of the type of person my mother was and why we did not talk for so many years.I am the only member of my family to ever graduate college.Even though my mother and I were not talking regularly, I expected at least a card,a phone call,I would have even settled for an email.Nothing, not a word ,much less a gift.That is why I can not believe that her death is bothering my as much as it has been.I try to think of good times and for every good memory that I remember, there is 10 bad thoughts.I will post the speech that I made at her funeral.I think I was able to say many things I wanted to, but do it in a way that came across as her still being my mom.No one came up and complained so that is good.A couple people actually said they loved it and it made them cry.Back to the point my mom knew how tough things are for me financially.So between that and just the point that no matter what I am her son.She did not help me much when she was alive, why would I think that she would help me in death.

My friend Hibbie called me today so we talked for a while.He knows its been a tough time around here, so he wanted to see how I was doing.He is also looking forward to me coming up in the RV, when I am a full timer.Who knows depending on when it actually happens I might end up staying hooked up to his house for a long time.Just a reminder he lives near Columbia, SC.In a little town named Gilbert.He has lots of land, with many tall trees all over the place for great shade.I could probably stay there for nothing and just have to take the trailer to dump it every couple weeks to a month.I figure that I will use the indoor facilities for going to the bathroom and showering.That will allow me to dump much less often.The change of scenery and more relaxed lifestyle is much welcomed.It is still in the back of my mind that in May, I will workamp in Granger,Indiana at the KOA.It was where I was suppose to go this year but hopefully next year is the year.Well anyway, I will see you tomorrow....

Wednesday Was Not Too Bad!

2009-07-08T22:01:00.000-07:00

Hello,It rained all day today and it really poured ! I actually got up and made my phone calls today.Progress right? I actually made four appointments, so not a bad day working.So that helped my mood a bit. Then I made my exciting trip to CVS for a couple prescription.I had a half of a sub sandwich for lunch.Returned some calls and went on the computer for a while.Then with the rain flowing,I was actually able to take a nap.Its been a while since I've been able to do that.Felt great and my body needed this good rest.When the nap was over it was time to return some more phone calls.After the calls it was movie time.Tonight's DVD was a horror movie called THE UNBORN.I really enjoyed it besides the blood and guts it had a really good storyline.You do not always get a good story to follow with thrillers.Now I have That 70's show on the TV and writing this entry.Well thanks to those of you that are sticking with me, through my life melt.And on that note I will see ya tomorrow....

Tuesday in July

2009-07-07T18:27:00.000-07:00

Hello,Yes I am still writing even if no one reads my posts.I am still feeling about as good as yesterday but I am still here.Today I at least left the house to go to blockbuster and to Publix.It was a really scorching hot day down here in south Florida.After getting home from shopping I put everything away and jumped in the shower.I could possibly be wrong about Phil taking something from my house but I do not know for sure either way.It is weird that it has disappeared and there is no sign of it.Whatever if I am wrong then I sincerely apologize to Phil but my feeling about my living my life like this still remains the same.It does not mean that I am going to kill myself today or tomorrow but I'm not going to live this way forever.I am just not strong enough to carry these feelings around with me, everyday.

Around 6:30pm I went over to Gary's for a couple of hours and vented about my life's situation.He is a good guy.I just wish that I was not such a downer but I'm not good a faking when I feel this down.Tonight I am going to watch a movie and try not to think.I did not make my phone calls again today.So tonight the alarm is set for 9am and no matter what time I fall a sleep, 10am is work time.Going to have to fake a smile for a couple of hours and set some appointments.Well I will see you tomorrow....

Meaningless Monday

2009-07-06T15:20:00.000-07:00

Hello,If you read yesterday's post then you know that I went to bed around 7 or 8 in the morning.I got out of bed just tired as could be at around 3:30pm.It was another couple of hours of tossing and turning.I am writing this post at around 6:30 pm EST. So I have only been up three hours.Not alot of anything good to report.I am feeling really down today.Which is one of the reasons that I decided to write this post early today.That and the fact that I just wrote yesterdays post.

Joy called me while I was still in bed.So I gave her a call and she was just checking in on me.Once again I told her I was doing OK.She asked me if I made my phone calls for Frank today.Rather then going into detail about how fucked up I am, I just told her about my lack of ability to sleep.Frank also called me to check on me.He is a great friend and very understanding about whats going on.But, I could tell that he was a little not upset but disappointed that I did not make calls today.Tonight I am going to stay in bed no matter what so I can work tomorrow morning.I will go to bed at midnight, which is early for me,especially lately.My doctors office also called to confirm an appointment for tomorrow.I had to change it til the 21st because one I do not feel like going and two I have no money.It is a three hour round trip drive in gas ,plus my copay.I can not even afford to pay for my car and truck insurance right now.After tomorrow my drivers licence will be suspended because of having no insurance.So now I have that on my head on top of so much other shit.
I will really limit the amount I drive now because I can not get pulled over with no insurance and a suspended licence.So that means I will sit at home more and go more and more crazy.Yesterday I come to find out that MY FRIEND Phil took something of mine from my house.Yes even my so called friends are stealing from me.Way to kick a guy that is down.So now I seriously doubt that he is actually going to buy my place.All this time that I have been fucking around with him wanting to buy it I was not advertising or looking for buyers.Stupid me,trusting people that are suppose to be my friend.I really do not know how much more pressure I can take.I keep wondering why I am even trying to fight through all this negativity.With no money,no insurance,no friends,no mother, and no life what do I have to look forward to.Traveling is off with no money or insurance, so what the fuck do I have to live for anymore.I really do not have many friends, my family looks at me with pity and even the great people that I have met on the chat line have no need for a young loser that only complains about his life.It really hit me today how little I have to live for anymore.My cats are a big reason believe it or not.But they can be taken care of better then I can take care of them.I do not have money for vets,flea repellent, and many other important things.So I am even failing my responsibility as a pet owner.I am also not a good son,brother,uncle, or friend.I am in physical and mental pain 24 hours everyday of my life.I am overweight,started smoking cigarettes again the last month or so.I am so far behind financially that I will never catch up.I am not crying out for help to anyone because the facts are all true.I am sorry to have wasted the time of all of you that have read about my pathetic life over the past two months.I do not know what to do anymore I am really lost and afraid.Anyway its time for me to stop writing , sorry again....

Sunday went for a Swim

2009-07-06T14:50:00.000-07:00

Hello,I did not feel like writing yesterday so here is the excitement that is my life,Woke up around noon after not really being able to sleep well.Could not fall a sleep and then decided to lie there tossing and turn all morning.I just sat around staring into space for most of the afternoon.I did return a couple of phone calls.Sheila and my Dad both called to check on me, to see if I was all right.Of course I lied and said that I was fine.Scott also called and when we talked he invited me over to go swimming.He has a beautiful pool and hot tub in his backyard.He put it in about a year ago.I will take pictures some time in the future.

About 5pm I went over Scott's to go swimming.He live 3 miles down the road from me,depending on if you get the lights it takes 5 to 15 minute to get there.When I left my house the sun was shinning and it was somewhere in the 90's.So as I am driving it is dark as hell over his house.I get there and 5 minutes later it is a storm from hell.It lasted about an hour.By that time Scott really did not feel like swimming.He went in basically to clean the pool instead of hanging out,It was not like I expected him to have the magic words to make me feel better but it was like pulling teeth talking to him yesterday.He is usually a great person to talk to but it was like he did not want to talk to me about my mom or my life yesterday.He has alot of dislike for my mom because of the way she fucked me up as a kid.We met when I was 15 and knows first hand the mistreatment that I went through.I think that he thought that I was going to ask him for financial help,(which I was not)during our conversation.He has done alot for me in the past but in all that help I have never asked him for a dime.But he has willingly helped me. on his own.He made the statement to me at the end of the night that things were tight for him right now.Which was another indication that he thought that I was there to ask for help.I was only there for emotional help which I did not recieve at all.
I got home a little after 9pm from Scott's house.I was feeling real down so I thought that I would try to lose myself in a movie.I had rented the action movie 12 Rounds from blockbuster.It was actually a very good action movie.It starred professional wrestler John Cena , who played a city cop.If you like action movies you will like this one, for sure.The W.W.E. has made a few movies now and the first couple were stinkers but the last two were OK and this one was good.After that I watched some TV, highlighted by The Honeymooners at 1am on WGN.I love that show so much. I have seen them all a million times but still love it.At 2am I tried to go to bed but could not.So I finally got up and watched TV til around 7 or 8am.Well I will start the Monday post now see you then....

Sleepy Saturday

2009-07-04T21:18:00.000-07:00

Hello,I am so glad that the funeral is over.Yesterday really sucked and took alot out of me.I slept all day in fact did not even leave my room til after 6pm.I washed up then went to Gary's for a couple hours.Phil was suppose to stop by but never did.I am really nervous depending on him to buy my place.He is a good guy and my friend but not that dependable.I know he wants my place but he needs to step up with money. I should not have said 100% yes to selling my house when dealing with him.I came home from Gary's and munched on some of the leftovers that I took home from Joy's house.I watched the race and the Smack down on TV.I even stopped in the chat room for a while.Not much excitement today, luckily.Tomorrow will be boring too, hopefully.....

This was not a Fun Friday

2009-07-04T21:01:00.000-07:00

I am writing this a day late.This is the post for July 3, 2009.The day of my mother's funeral.Did not really sleep much, so the day started out early.I left my house at around 10:30am to go to my sister's house.I got there and took my pain medication.Sheila was bringing me a ironed shirt and pants to wear today.She brought me pants 4 sizes to big without a belt loop and a shirt one size to small.But, I only had to wear it for a couple of hours, so it was not that big of a deal.Just a pain in the ass for a while.
My sisters and I had to go early at around one to sign some papers at the cemetery.By the time we were done in the office people were starting to arrive for the service.Everyone got there and the service began.We all had prepared our own things to say to our mother.Joy went,then Donna,and then I went.After that the grandchildren, and great grandchild spoke to their grand mom.For what it was it was nice.No major problems at all.It was really hot out and everyone was crying.
After the service we all went to my sister;s house for catered food and to spend tine together.I really did not feel like hanging out at first but after a while I was able to hang out.My sister let me take home a bunch of food and I drove home to be alone.I was real burnt out from the day, so just watched the movie The Karate Kid and went to bed.Short journal entry but I can only say so much about today.See you tomorrow......

The Day Before the Funeral

2009-07-02T21:46:00.000-07:00

Hello,Another late sleeping day after going to bed late again.I finally got out of be around 4 in the afternoon.Returned some phone calls and fed the cats.Then I went over to Gary's for a while to shoot the shit.Phil stopped over a little after 8pm.He hung out for about a half an hour.Then I made pigs in a blanket,hot dogs and crescents.I was on the chatline for about a half hour at about 10pm.Watched some TV and now I'm writing this journal.Very exciting day once again in my pathetic life.Tomorrow is the big day and I have to still write something to say.So I will see you then.....

Wednesday Weeping

2009-07-01T20:46:00.000-07:00

Hello, Had a hard time falling a sleep again last night.Did not even lay down in my bed till after 7 am.Got to bed around 8am and woke up a little after 3pm.Messed around on the computer and the Joy told me that everyone in my family was getting together for diner.So Joy,Brandon Steve, and Mike picked me up around 5 pm.We were meeting Dad,Sheila,Donna,John,Shane, Julia, Brittani,and Christopher at the Inverary Dinner. Just to recap Joy and Donna are my sisters.Mike and John are my brothers in law.Steve,Shane and Brandon are my nephews.Brittani and Merrisa(who was not there) are my nieces.Christopher is my great nephew(son of Merrisa but adopted by Donna).So any way we all ate together.I had my camera with me but was in another world and forgot to take a picture.I ate a Greek combo which had spinach pie,moussaka, and Pissaro.I was pretty good not great,except the spinach pie it was great.Went back to Donna's new place after diner for a while then they dropped me of at home.

I felt blah all day.It was nice being together but I felt so shitty that I could not enjoy it.Then my nephew Steve got some more upsetting news and brought everyone down with him.One funny note, I got passed the ketchup at diner and went to shake the bottle but the cap was loose and ketchup went splattering all over.It is just real frustrating because I can not think clear at all.No one understands that my mind literally shuts down on my when over stressed. I am just going through the motions of living my life right now.I am really lost and do not know what is going to happen in the next couple months.I will not believe the deal with Phil with buying my house will be done till I see the money in my hands.The way that I am viewing the world right now is very distorted.Mad at the world,mad at my life, and mad at myself.Everybody would be alot happier if it was my funeral on Friday.At diner I looked around and noticed that if I was not there nothing would be much different.My life does not positively effect one persons life in my family or friends.I am the albatross around my families life.Anyway hopefully tomorrow is a better day.For those of you that read my journal I apologize for the depressing and painful life that I've involved you in.See those still interested on the flip side......

The Day After

2009-06-30T19:23:00.000-07:00

Hello, It as you imagined was a rough day.Did not go to bed til after 5 am and slept til 1pm.My nephew Steve slept over and helped me clean up my place a little bit.Then my sister Donna picked him up to bring him to Joy's place.They did all the arrangements and scheduled the funeral for Friday.At around 3 I cried myself back to sleep and stayed in bed til about 9.I am watching a little TV and writing this post, not much of a day.

THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE !

2009-06-29T23:36:00.000-07:00

Hello,Alma Sue Sussman, my mother died at around 9pm on Monday June 29,2009.I am an ass.What a piece of shit of a son and person I am.All those years I did not speak with my mother.Years wasted by my selfish attitude.I just can not believe she is gone.I took alot of pain killers and smoked tonight.I just needed to stop crying and fell a little better. I am tired from the drugs but exhausted from the mental anguish of the day.I really do not want to remember the events of today or or relive any experience.My life has got to start to getting better because this has to be rock bottom. If it is not rock bottom, then I do not want to live at all.I just can not take it,I am not strong.My emotions are very fragile feel like a child.It is after 3am here Tuesday morning and some how I am still awake.I am definitely in the denial stage . I really can not believe this day has come. Anyway tomorrow is a better day, I Hope......

Sucky Sunday!!!

2009-06-28T20:28:00.000-07:00

Hello,Today was a day that I have feared since I was a little boy.I went to the hospital around noon.My sister Joy was already in the room with my Mom.I got there and said hello to my Mom.She was out of it, talking and not making sense.She looked much worse then when I went to the hospital last.I lost it just could not stop crying.About 20 minutes after I got there my sister Donna,nephew Shane and his wife Julia arrived.Shane took leave from the air force and flew in last night with Julia.Shitty way to meet my new niece.She was very nice and really did a good job being a part of everything,in a hard situation.

About 5pm me,Donna,Shane,Julia,and Brandon went to the Carolina Ale House for diner.We were all starving from sitting around all day and not eating anything.It was a nice break,which we all needed badly.None of us talked about my Mom the entire meal.It was good to just talk to everyone.It has been a long time since we have all been together at the same time.I had a coupon for a free appetizer which we all shared.I got some chicken wings to munch on and they were yummy.For the first time ever my nephew Shane bought lunch.It was a very nice gesture.

After diner we returned back to the hospital to the fourth floor.There are only 10 rooms which are all hospice.we had to walk by a family that had just lost their loved one.We all lost it but luckily my Mom was sleeping.Mike and Brandon left for the night.Just after Donna,Shane and Julia took off.With just Joy and I left we talked about the situation.Without any mention or asking she handed me some money.She knows how bad that I am struggling financially.It was a surprising and wonderful gesture.I asked her for sometime to be alone with my Mom and say somethings I felt I needed to say.She was alert enough to give me a big hug and exchanged "I love you".As fucked up as I am from this whole situation, must admit I feel a little relieved to have the chance to say some things to my Mom while she is still alive.But,that being said I will have nightmares the rest of my life about the way my Mom looked and acted today.

A few weeks ago I made so comments about being angry with my Mom and other stuff about anger.That is all gone,like it was never there.Funny how priorities and what is important really changes when something so real like this happens.Man I really can not believe just how shaken and fucked up that I am.I feel life a zombie.If I did believe in a God after today I would tell him or her to go fuck himself.How can my Mom be this stranger laying in my mother's hospital bed.I would truly not wish this feeling on my worst if enemy's.Anyway after my phone calls tomorrow,I will head back to the hospital.Not looking forward to that at all.I really hope that traveling in my trailer is my calling because if not I truly do not know if I want to live anymore.I was miserable before going through this with my Mom.I do not want to be around to ever go through this again.My Dad will be 70 in February and just can not stop thinking of him.Anyway, I really can not write any more.See you tomorrow........

Sad Saturday!

2009-06-27T20:51:00.000-07:00

Hello,Today was not a good day,although some good things did happen.First, I got up at 9:30 am to make my calls at 10am.Started out great,booking the first person that I talked to.Then around 10:30 my sister Joy called me.She told me that my Mom was real bad and it is almost time.She explained that she was in alot of pain and the hospice will give her enough medicine to go into a coma.All this time that my Mom has been sick it did not seem like she was really sick.I mean knowing she had cancer should have registered but some how I really thought that she would be alright for a while.Now knowing that she is going to die, I feel like a piece of shit of a son.All the complaints and dislike I had for her are forgotten.They just do not matter! I feel like a helpless little boy crying out for his mommy.Part feel foolish,angry,lost,sad,confused,and more emotions all at once.I want to sleep and never dream or wake and never sleep.Tomorrow will be a tough day at the hospital for all of us.

On a much lighter note I got a chance to talk to Phil and he wants to 100% buy my house.We talked about him moving in on August first.Still have alot of details to work out. but we both want the same thing.It is a weird feeling knowing that my life is about to change.I have been wanting to full time for years and now I am scared.I still have to prove to myself that I can actually do it.Never fitting in,really makes it hard to feel confident that I will fit into the RV community.Really hope that this is the direction my life is suppose to take.Well I guess I will never know til I try.See ya........

Air Condition is Back, Again!!

2009-06-27T12:13:00.000-07:00

Hello,Sorry that today's post is late.I woke up at Gary's place around 10am ready to make my phone calls.Well think again, some how my plug in charger got messed up and I had no charge on the phone.So got dressed and went to the Verizon store to buy a new charger.I hate going to those stores you sign in and have to wait for help.Then they of course try to sell you a new phone and contract.After over an hour I finally got my plug.Then it was my almost daily trip to CVS for more meds.Of course for some reason or other they were not ready so another half hour wait there.So by the time I returned to Gary's place it was after noon.Then it was time to charge the phone, so did not get to make my calls today.
Went home to take a shower and take my meds,Then I stuck on the television and watched sports center.About 2pm Gary came home from work at Pizza Hut.It was slow so he came home early.We sat and talked for a while and then Tony(person working on my a/c called me.He was working on it and needed me to turn on the unit inside.I clicked on cool a it worked.He double checked everything and it was good to go.So thank goodness, I am back in the normal temperatures instead of the heat.I moved my stuff from Gary's back home and did some wash.Took a shower and went to Frank's house to watch the movie Pink Panther 2.It was silly funny but exactly what the doctor ordered.I felt like a little kid going to the movies to see the original pink panther series.It really was nice to just not think about all the crap going on in my life, for a while.I truly love Frank and Marcy.They are such good people.We always enjoy our time together.Got home at around 11pm and watched a little TV.Another day done, see you tomorrow...

Thursday at Gary's House

2009-06-25T21:27:00.000-07:00

Hello,Another day without air conditioning at my house.I spent last night at Gary's and will tonight too.It is a very stressful period of my life right now.Money is tighter then it has ever been,I feel like shit,and my mother is really becoming bad.Joy called me today and told me that my mother was going to be transferred to hospice.It is amazing that I was just getting ready for vacation,a week ago. Now I am stressed more then ever.It is time to really evaluate the importance of things that are in my life,I need to cut lose all the negative influences and thoughts to really make my goals a reality.Nothing today happened worth reporting.

I feel that I am walking aimlessly in the smoke filled fog of the cold bitter night.No light to shine the way,nor fire to warm my bones.Just the part of me that fears the unknown.It is unable to be felt with my hands but looms heavy in my heart and mind.The screams are heard through the darkness.The sounds are ignored and the tears rain.Alone in a crowd or by myself. life mocks me and laughs at my pain.Succeed or travel where time no longer matters.

I felt a little poetic . See you tomorrow....

Burning Hot Wednesday!

2009-06-24T12:14:00.000-07:00

Hello,Well forget about the frying pan because today I am right into the fire.It is 90 degrees out with 0 wind and 66% humidity.I tried to do my running around today and take my time doing it,I went to the bank and to blockbuster.Neither one took a great deal of time.Then I stopped to have lunch at Pollo Campero, which is as you guessed a Spanish chicken place.After that it was off to Super Target for food for the kitty's.Then one last stop at yup you guessed it CVS for some meds.Then it was back to my heat box.I still feel very sick and this heat is not helping at all.Some where in the next hour or so, Gary will get home and I will go over and chill at his place for a while.Hopefully my friend Mark is able to pick up the new blower motor so that Tony can replace it and fix my drainage problem.I can not do this again.It is just to hot to play around with not having a/c. Tonight hopefully I will be sitting in my living room with my air working visiting on the chatline. but we will see.....

Missed a couple days Cruising!

2009-06-23T11:12:00.000-07:00

Hello,It is now Tuesday and my last post was Thursday of last week.So this will be one super post rather than writing for each individual day.I am so behind on my reading of other journals that I do not know if I will ever catch up.Only 24 pictures made it for some reason so I apologise from the start about the lack of pictures from the trip.

Friday:
I was already to go on my trip well before my brother in law picked me up from my house.Of course in typical fashion in my life just before they got here I started to get sick.Threw up in the bathroom a couple of times and then once in a bag in the car.We stopped for a cold drink and luckily I felt better.We got down to the port about 11:30 and by the time that we parked we got right on the ship.We were greeted with champagne and Orange Juice.We did a little looking around and then it was off to the pizza resteraunf.It was good Tuscan style pizza we had mushrooms, onions and peppers,We each only had a couple small slices.About that time my Dad and Sheila got there and we really surprised them.We sat in the buffet room so they could have lunch and we could chat for a while.Then we all went to our rooms to chill for a little bit and figure out a plan.After being in the room I went up to the 11th floor were the pools and hot tubs were and listened to the live band.My nephew Brandon went for a swim in the pool while I relaxed,looked at the girls and enjoyed the music.We all got together for diner in the formal dining room and tried just about everything.I had jerked chicken and a curry vegetable dish that was so good.After dinner we all made our way to the theater for a comedy and music show.It was such a good time and Brandon was called up on stage for part of the routine.He had to act like a dolphin,so the rest of the trip everyone was calling him the dolphin.They even showed the show over and over on the TV.I stayed up the entire first night and got some great shots of the sun rise.

Saturday:

After not sleeping all night I tried to just keep on going but I needed some sleep.So after my Sister and Mike went to breakfast, I went to lay down.I was very rudely woken up by Mike who had to watch TV right then.Anyway, the weather was so hot that I did not want to even get off the ship in Nassau, but I got a good shot of Atlantis.We all got together for Lobster night at dinner and we munched.I ate 10 yes that's right 10 lobster tails.In my defence they were not very big but they were good.After diner we went to a really good dancing sang singing show.Boy did the time fly by it was already 11o clock at night.So I went to the front of the ship and stared into the dark nothingness of the sea.I went to bed around 3:30 am and decided to miss breakfast again.

Sunday

After I woke up I ended up finding a late breakfast buffet and having a leisurely breakfast looking into the ocean.Then we were anchored just off the coast of a private island.They were running tenders back and forth to the island.I went over to the island but the mix of super hot weather and loose sand made it a nightmare fore me.I took the returning tender and went back to sleep.Being on so many medicines,I can not spend much time directly in the sun.So when I say that .I went back to sleep that means I passed out a sleep.After that it was time for diner again.Then we had time to catch the last show.It was a comedy ace that my Dad got called up on stage.It was so funny!My dad was game and played the tin man from the Wizard of Oz.After the show there was a scavenger hunt type game that was funny.Brandon an I hung out til around 3 talking and enjoying the wind.One thing I forgot to mention some how was the sports bar on the ship.I spent alot of time there watching baseball, the U.S. Open and ate chicken wings.

Monday & Tuesday:

Had to get up early and pack.We had breakfast and a last chance to chat.We checked out and got to the car.I got home around 12 and passed out.I slept all through the night.I woke up in a pool of sweet, my air conditioner is not working again.It is now 86 degrees in my house.I feel sick and can not do anything about it.I am so sick feeling that I will not make phone calls today.So the truth is the trip was great but after has been miserable.I will see you tomorrow

Thursday and Ready to Cruise

2009-06-18T16:54:00.000-07:00

Hello,The last night before the cruise.It worked out great, my sister Joy,Mike and Brandon are going to pick me up somewhere between 10-11am.Originally I was going to head north-west to my sister's house.It did not make sense so they will pick me up and Miami is around two hours south.My Dad still has no idea that I am going on the cruise.Talked to him tonight and laid a joking guilt trip on him getting to go on a cruise.Really laid it on thick.He and Sheila will be very happy to see me tomorrow.

Today was kind of a weird day.I made calls and not one person answered the phone.THE NERVE!!So no appointments booked today but I will not worry about that til next Monday.Did not do a heck of alot today.Just laundry and charging my camera.Things to get ready for the trip.I am kind of a last minute person.Not that everything is not ready but I pack on the day I leave.Works for me anyway.That is what is great about the RV you just pack it once and everything is there.And if you do not have it, you can get it.Supposedly, next week I will find out if Phil is going to buy my place or not.Tonight just get everything ready to pack tomorrow morning.Well next time I write I will be cruising.See you then.....

What its Wednesday?

2009-06-17T19:42:00.000-07:00

Hello,Well this week is just flying by at flash speed.Only two more nights until the cruise.Today was a nothing much happening day again.I went to CVS,blockbuster,and Franks house.Phil stopped over for a while.I upgraded my air card and it turned out to be free.What happened was I was having trouble with my air card and Verizon gave me two options.One I could get the same card I have and pay $50 to keep my same unlimited plan.Two buy a new usb device and have to change plans to a 5 Gig max plan.So what ended up happening was Frank had a USB card that he gave me and I keep my unlimited plan.In other words they gave me two options ans I took the third.Besides these things nothing else of significance took place.Tune in tomorrow for the last non-cruise day.....

Tuesday in June

2009-06-16T12:08:00.001-07:00

Hello,I wish that there was exciting things to share but hey it is only three nights til the cruise.Made my calls in the afternoon today to try to reach those not home in the morning.I had 3 but one canceled, so ended up with 2 appointments for the day.Not bad 7 for the week and it is only Tuesday.Two more working days this week then I have a date with the high seas.

Making my calls in the afternoon also allows me to sleep in a couple extra days a week.Of course at 8 am my neighbor was having his lawn cut.I stayed in bed but never could fall back a sleep.Got up and fed the cats.Then had to go to CVS for more drugs.After that it was on to blockbuster.I love the horror movies so I got the new Friday the 13th and another scary one.Tonight at my house will be Fright Night! I pop some corn, open some soda, turn out all the lights, and pump up the volume.Is it childish Yea but I like it and that's all that matters.It is 90 degrees out and about to storm so hello pain meds.Well I will see you tomorrow...

A Not So Bad Monday

2009-06-15T15:18:00.000-07:00

Hello, Well another week begins and another just a memory.Today started out great with me setting 5 appointments for Frank.It was my best day since beginning setting appointments.What is really great is that there is only room for one more spot left for next Monday.Since I will be on the cruise and not making calls on Friday,Saturday or Monday.So that feels good,to almost be done with that.It is funny some days you can not get it touch with any, some days everyone says no appointment is needed, and days like today when everyone said yes, very easily.

After making my calls,I had to run to the bank to deposit the money from Franks the other night.Then I watched the movie Crossing Over.It starred Harrison Ford, who is one of my favorites.I enjoyed it. It was good not great but worth watching.So if you get a chance give it a look.After the movie it was nap time.I took a good two hour nap.Now I am writing this and thinking about diner.I think I'm going to make Chicken Lasagna with some Garlic Bread.There are alot of vegetables in the lasagna, so it is a complete meal.Tonight I will most likely stop in and say Hi to all the chatters in the chatline.Also, I will watch WWE Raw.I know it is silly and fake but it is my male soap opera.Tonight is a 3 hour special, it is usually a 2 hour show, so I am siked.Hey for three hours I do not have to think about my life, its a great escape .Well record another non exciting but at least good day in the annals of my life's history.See you tomorrow......

Sleep in Sunday

2009-06-14T14:54:00.000-07:00

Hello, I got home from babysitting around 12:30am.The movie The Dark Knight was on so I had to watch.I love that movie! It was over around 2:30 am and then I had to watch the last hour of Top Gun.so I finally went to bed around 4 in the morning.So I slept until 2 in the afternoon.I got up and made a few phone calls.I talked to my Dad for about fifteen minutes.I was telling him about the great boxing match that I watched last night on HBO.It was a fight that you would see in a movie.Cotto vs Clotty was the fight.Went all 12 rounds and was exciting all the way through.It was the type of match that even people that are not into boxing would have got into it.

I needed some food and other stuff from the store.Super Target was the choice this time.I felt like salsa and they have a much larger jar of the same brand salsa for the same price as other stores.So after spending about $80 there and packing up the car.I unpacked the car and put all my stuff away.Then I went over to Gary's house for about an hour or so.Now I am writing this and have the replay of the fight from last night on in the background.Tonight is another basketball game.It may be the last game of the year if the Lakers win,they win the championship.Five more nights til I'm on the cruise.Yea!Well tomorrow is work in the morning and in the afternoon for a couple of hours.Work meaning making my phone calls for my friend Frank.Do not think it will be an overwhelmingly exciting day, but tune in and find out.....

Babysitting on Saturday Night

2009-06-13T19:06:00.000-07:00

Hello,Yes as stated in the title I am babysitting my friends Frank and Marci's little girl Olivia.It is an easy gig because she is put to sleep before they go out.Both of them are so busy with the baby and work that they never get time for dating each other.So last time I was here they asked me if I wanted to babysit for them and I said that I would.Hey to be honest I can use the extra money too.But I would do it for them for nothing if they needed me to because they have been very good to me.They have taken me in as family, which is hard to find in any friendships.

As far as the day went.It was a usual exciting day in my life, once again.Woke up and made my calls and was able to set 2 appointments.Then after having a hard time sleeping last night, I went back to sleep around 1pm.I woke up again around 4pm.I watched some of the Mets vs Yankees baseball game.Stopped by Wendys for a burger and fries.Boy did Olivia love my fries when I got to Frank's house.So she was in a good mood after that, and then soon after it was her bedtime.You might recall her pictures from Memorial day.She is so freakin cute! Tonight I was in the chatroom for a while and got cut off.Sorry Rick it was not intentional that our conversation got cut short.At 10:30 I will watch a boxing match on HBO and I figure around midnight I will head home.I will see you tomorrow.....

Friday Back at Home

2009-06-12T11:25:00.000-07:00

Hello,Iam writing this a little early today.Yesterday I was so busy that I did not want to forget to write again.Today was heading home from the trailer day.I thought about staying for the weekend but decided to come home and relax.Not that I was doing alot of manual labor at the trailer but it was time.My sister asked me to stay but there were some things that I wanted to get accomplished before the cruise next week.I spent the morning cleaning the trailer and packing everything up.I left Joy's house around noon and got home just about one.

I unpacked the car and then took my car to go to blockbuster for a couple movies for later tonight.I am beat it was very hot out so packing and unpacking wore me out.I took a nice long shower and got a shave.While I was doing all that I started some laundry and came to write my journal posts.I received a text earlier this morning that Phil found out that he was going to be laid off.It is the latest of cuts by the county because of the economy.So that might be it for his interest in my place.We are suppose to talk later on tonight.Maybe getting my place is what he needs to cut back on his monthly expenses.My luck probably not. So it was a premature happiness for me and let me tell you just how perfect the timing of this news is for me.I am running out of money,I will not be able to pay the bills at this place much longer.The job with Frank is there but it pays slowly so I can not count on that.I need to figure out what I am going to do because the stress is eating me alive.What a way to kill a nice week of relaxation.I am going to put off making any decisions until after the cruise.Well I will let you know tomorrow whats up with my situation.See you then.....

A Little Late but Heres Thursday

2009-06-12T11:08:00.000-07:00

Hello,Today started out with me driving one and a half hours to my doctors office.Yes, it is a long drive but Dr.Heller is the best.My appointment was at 11AM and it took about an hour.I then went to a local store in Okeechobee to get a new walking cane.I only had to pay $10 and the rest is paid by medicare.Not to bad at all, and the drug store employees were very nice.

After that I made my way back to my trailer.On the way I had to pee like a race horse, so I stopped at a store and flooded a toilet.Not really but it felt that way.Next door to the supermarket was a Chinese place so I got some food to take back to the trailer.I munched on some chicken lo mien and watched TV for about an hour.After that I got real sleepy and took a couple hour nap.When I woke up my sister was making french onion soup and pork chops for diner.I tell you what it was nice to eat a home cooked meal every night that I was here.My nephew Brandon had a friend spend the night.So he was busy playing games in his room.Mike and I watched the basketball game. Then I talked to a friend of mine from North Carolina named Carrie.We had not talked in a while and she was driving to new york so it gave us a good couple of hours to catch up.Unfortunately, I learned that her 35 year old brother was killed in a hunting accident.It was really sobering knowing that a friend went through that and I was not in touch.After that it was about 2:30 in the morning and it was off to bed.I am going to see you soon...

Wednesday out at the trailer

2009-06-10T19:18:00.000-07:00

Hello, Today was a fast day with not alot of activity.Read up on all the appliances and continuous amp power that I can run.My converter is a 45 amp of constant power.So on me 30 amp circuit I can actually run 45 so that is a plus.That is 5400 compared to the usual 3600 watts.Its still not the 12,000 watts you can run on a 50 amp but I will learn to live with it.As long as I can run the TV,satellite and the a/c I'm good to go.Any way I thought that was a neat little fact about my trailer.Since i bought this for some reason I thought it was 35 feet but it is 29feet instead.Weird, i looked at so many and have gone through so much since I bought this in 06.Anyway So I will have a 29 foot trailer on the road,still big enough for me.Well that's about it for me tomorrow is a doctors appointment,see you then.

Tuesday in the Trailer

2009-06-09T11:44:00.001-07:00

Hello,I am still out at my trailer.This happens every time that I come out to spend a couple of a days,do not want to leave.Well one day I will not have to go any where without my trailer home.I slept in til noon and then took my nice long shower.Then it was time to make phone calls to set appointments for Frank.Made three appointments calling in the afternoon.

I figured that I would post in my journal earlier today to make sure the pictures of the outside of my trailer got put in.So here I am no real plans the rest of the day except to run to the store for a couple of things.I will probably clean the inside of the trailer up a little bit.At least throw away a bag of garbage and wipe down the counters.It is only 3pm eastern as I write so I have got plenty of time to do whatever.I really want to get in the chat room tonight.It is funny my time here is not busy but time seems to fly by for some reason.The change of scenery and location helps me rewind.I will see you tomorrow....

Monday and Nothing Got Done

2009-06-08T20:53:00.000-07:00

Hello.Phil ended up sleeping in and taking the day off of work.It was nice to hang out most of the day without interruption.Usually he has his kids when we hang so it is constantly Daddy this or daddy that.He stayed until about 4PM.After he left the rain came and it was my nap time.I really needed it, we stayed up late talking and joking around.My sister woke ME up in time for diner.Which was good even after working all day Joy made chicken parm,that was yummy.After that we watched TV and hung out til now.I did take some pictures but will post them tomorrow.....

Sunday was a Nice Day

2009-06-07T21:47:00.000-07:00

Hello again,I am still out at my trailer.Today I did take pictures of the outside of my trailer but will put them on tomorrows post.It is late and its time for me to get some rest.The day started out around 11AM waking up and having a very nice breakfast,made by my sister Joy.After that Joy went to the hospital to visit my mom. My nephew Brandon and I went out to my trailer to watch a movie.After the movie Brandon went into the house and it was nap time.

My friend Phil came out to help me put on a new tongue jack.It all went well and we were done in about 20 minutes.He stayed for a very nice diner and we watched the basketball game.Joy,Mike and Phil drank wine as we joked around.We used my fire pit and made smore for desert.It was really a nice day.Phil and I talked about the real possibility of him buying my place.It is not a done deal but it is looking good.We will see what happens.He drank enough wine that he crashed on my couch.He has gotta get up at 5AM to go to work.And I am going to bed and will see you tomorrow......

Saturday In the Travel Trailer

2009-06-06T21:44:00.000-07:00

Hello,I am writing this tonight late and in my travel trailer.I woke around 9:30AM to the sound of a radio commercial on my alarm.Took a good half hour to wake up and start making my phone calls.I only made one appointment on this Saturday.Well guess it is better then nothing at all.Frank getting sick last week kinda killed my momentum.But, Monday is a new day with new opportunity.So,I pledge to give 100% for the rest of my time helping Frank.No excuses but it has been a stressful time for me.

Well after making my phone calls,it was time to pack up the truck. Got everything over to the trailer a little after 3PM.As soon as I was done getting everything in the trailer it rained with a vengeance.So my brother in law Mike and I visited while drinking some good ice tea.I had not eaten all day grabbed a couple leftover pieces of pizza.Small Little Caesars, not the best but it kept me from getting the shakes.The rain hit a lull for all of about a minute.So, I thought the it was time to visit with my cats in the trailer.They did a good job getting used to being here this time.It is the second time for Lightning,and the third time for Thunder.The first time Lightning was just so difficult to get in the cage,that I said see you in a couple of days.I left a big mound of food and plenty of fresh water.It worked out just fine and now they own the place.

While in the trailer the rain poured again so it was a good time to take some pictures of the inside of the trailer.I took a bunch and I'm posting them all just look at the ones you want.just kidding, it will give you a good idea of what my new soon to be home.I hope you like .....

Lets start at the Front Door

This Cabinet and Entertainment Center is on your Right when you Enter

The Couch- Straight across from Front Door

My Diningroom-Left of the Couch

Kitchen- Across from Diningroom Kitchen with Fridge

Hallway Straigt ahead Bedroom/Closet on left/Bathroom on Right

Bathroom Cabinet-with Reflection of Shower and Mirror

Shower

Bathroom Sink and Counter

The Toilet

Bedroom

Tonight was also a very trying night for me as well.I ended up going to see my mother in the hospital.Both my sisters and my brother in law john where there as well.The other day I said that I did not want to go see her in the hospital.I wish that I would have stood firm on my conviction.She looked aweful and was completely out of it.Also,I was in terrible pain from a combination of things.I did not show emotions in the hospital but tonight truely shook me.Nothing good will come of me going tonight.I felt like a 5 year old boy lost at a carnival looking for his mommy.She was right there in front of me, but unrecognizable.This is not the memory that I want of my Mom.I can not handle these things well.My bad should have gone with my gut feeling.

After leaving the hospital, my sister and nephew Brandon played WII.I went out to the trailer to post this entry.Tomorrow I will take pictures of my family and the outside of my trailer.See you then................

Another Rainy Friday!!

2009-06-05T15:52:00.000-07:00

Hello,Well not alot to report today.I over slept and missed my doctors appointment.Made no new appointments. In fact I only left the house one time which was to go to CVS.Exciting day indeed!Talked to a couple of people on the telephone.Joy told me our cruise was officially booked and paid.My dad has no idea that I am going on the cruise with everyone.

It has been pouring most of the day, which makes me feel just so great.My body must have needed the sleep this morning, because I never over sleep an alarm clock.Must be something to do with the rain.I am thinking that tomorrow its time to go out and spend a couple days at my trailer.Was going to go today,but who want to go sit inside during a storm.At least, when there is an option not to be stuck inside the trailer.Probably going to watch movies tonight and chat a little bit.Hopefully there is more to report tomorrow........

Going on a Cruise!!!!

2009-06-04T12:19:00.000-07:00

Hello again to the few brave souls that read this journal day after day.As you can see by the title I am going on a cruise.It is on Friday the 19th of June to the morning of Monday the 22nd.We leave Miami at 5pm on Friday night and get off the ship around 10am on Monday.Short and sweet.The sip is part of the Norwegion Cruise Line and the ship is called The Skyy.My sister Joy,Brother in law Mike,nephew Brandon, step mother Sheila and Dad will be joining me.My sister books cruises for a living and got us all a great deal.The 21st is Fathers Day,so at least 2 of the 3 kids will be with him.Donna just moved back down to Florida, so she could not make this trip.I was hesitant at first but now I am pretty excited.

The rest of the day has been pretty normal so fa, as I write this it is 3:28 PM Eastern time.Stopped at CVS again, then filled my car up with gas, and another trip to blockbuster.Talked to my sister and my friend Frank for a while on the phone.Frank and his wife Marcy are thinking of joining us on the cruise.I hope so,they would bring a different element to the mix.Either way it will be a good time.Phil and I did not talk today about my place.We will when the time is right.It will be soon, both of us need to have a plan.I am going to watch a movie, maybe take a nappy poo, then tonight watch the big basketball game.For those of you that do not follow hoops, tonight starts the championship series between the Orlando Magic vs the Los Angeles Lakers.Do not know if I will stop by the chat room tonight,maybe fore a little bit.See you tomorrow.......

A New Day !

2009-06-03T13:39:00.000-07:00

Hello, Today I had to get up early.Seven AM comes around real fast when you go to bed late.I got up and got a ride from Gary to my brothers shop.My car was ready to go so it was time to pick it up.Now I have both of my vehicles back, and I'm ready to roll.Was only at the shop for a minute then drove the car over to CVS.Two more prescriptions were ready for pick up.It took a good half hour to get my meds because there was a new pharmacist that ran my cost through my old insurance.So my bill was like 60 something dollars instead of $4.80.So he finally got it fixed and wasted a good bit of my morning.

After that it was home and back to sleep.Then my friend Phil stopped by and talked about the possibility of buying my house.If that happens then Game On, my plans of leaving in August will be back on.It is even possible that the RV-Dreams Rally will be back on too.We will see what happens but this is not a twist that I would have guessed. Still a long way from a done deal, but at least there is hope. The rest of the day I chatted on the phone with a few different people and took it easy.Tomorrow its time to get back to making my calls.I will see you then....

Another Expensive Day !!

2009-06-02T20:02:00.000-07:00

Hello again!! Glad you could stop by and check in on me.Today, since Frank is sick, I took advantage of it and slept in.Once my body was able to get up, it was off to blockbuster to rent the latest movies.I got the movies and off to my brothers shop again.Now my car needed a new door handle and a new battery.Another $275 down the drain.Well there goes all my savings for now.So after that I felt completely stressed the rest of the day.Unless I hit the lotto I am not going to be able to do much for awhile.It closes another disappointing chapter in my life.I now realize that I will not be able to go to the RV Dreams Rally in October.Really was looking forward to it, but,what can you do?

I am going to do something but not as long of a trip in distance or time.Today I started to mention the thought of going on a trip with my buddy Phil.Surprisingly he was very much for a vacation.He is going through some personal family problems.So tomorrow he is going to come over and we are going to start to plan a trip.One place we Will both go is to Columbia,SC to see my friend Hibbie.As mentioned in earlier posts, he has about 5 acres in the woods in a city called Gilbert.It is just outside Columbia SC so there are many destinations within a days drive.The dream of going to the Dolphins at the Falcons in Atlanta on September 13 is still alive.It is only a 4 hour trip from Hibbies to Atlanta,GA.Also Charlotte NC is only about 2 hours away and I still know some people there.We will see where I end up going but it will for sure be somewhere.

I will continue to try to sell my place, but I can not afford to just give it away.Luckily I do not owe anything on my place,but I am in a park and have lot rent.It stresses me out to think about all of it. So I will not and let whatever is suppose to be happen, happen.Well that concludes this edition.Hope to see you on the Flip-Side ..............

Expensive Day!

2009-06-01T20:28:00.001-07:00

Well Hello no pictures but I was busy all day.I realized that I had not done a blood test for my doctor.So, I had to reschedule my appointment for Friday morning.Then Frank called me to tell me that he was to sick to go on today's appointments.So he rescheduled them for next week and said he is going to take it easy this week.He might do a couple of things on Wednesday or Thursday.My truck was ready from my brothers shop.The bill came to $460, even with a big discount.Ouch!!Then I left there and went to get an alignment and that was another $265.I saved for this a long time, but now the truck is almost done.I still want to get the windows tinted, I have a small leak, and the radio needs to be changed.

I also went to the post office to mail off my prescription to the mail order company.We will see if they actually send them to me this time.Then stopped at publix for soda and some blue bell ice cream.Boy writing about my day it doesn't seem that I was as busy as I actually was today.Well no rambling tonight See you tomorrow......

Relaxing Sunday

2009-05-31T17:48:00.000-07:00

Hello all and welcome to my relaxing Sunday.For some reason the one day that I can sleep in, because I do not make my phone calls.I ended up waking at 8 am.Very confusing to me how that works out. Every other day it is hard for me to get up at 9:30AM.Especially the fact that I went to bed after 4Am.So I wrote my post that I forgot to do yesterday.Then I went to CVS to pick up so prescriptions.Came home ate some chicken with bbq sauce.Next watched the DVD KillShot, with Micky Rourke and Diane Cannon.It was OK, surprisingly with that cast it was a lower budget movie.While watching the movie I munched on some chips and salsa.Just to make sure I took an extra antacid pill.

After the movie the lack of sleep caught up to me and I went to take a nap.My sister Joy called me to invite me to diner.It was my nephews 13th birthday today.Joy was going to have a party for him but ended up not doing it.Then when I did not feel like going out to diner she gave me an attitude.Oh well, she will get over it.I have disappointed her many times by not going to different events over the last couple years.But in my defence most of those times I did not feel good mentally or physically.One thing that I needed to decide is to do what I want to do.I am not married and have no obligations to anyone but myself and my cats.That was actually a very difficult obstacle for me.When you suffer from identity or personality disorder, your first reaction is to do things that make other people happy.I realize that my choices are not the ones that everyone would make but I have to nurture myself.

One situation that I am not proud of that is going on currently is my Mom is in the hospital.I can not bring myself to visit her while she is in. A private note, my mother and I did not talk for 15 years.I have only started talking to her within the last year.It was a big step for me to release alot of the anger that I have towards her.She has her own mental issues and she was a very negative influence in my life.I am to old to continue to blame her for the mental and emotional problems that I suffer from.But if you knew my mother,I think you would agree it was not a healthy place to grow up around her.Of course if you ask her to this day she was the greatest mother in the world.As you can probably tell I have not nor will I ever fully forgive her for the hell she has put me through.Things that most mothers would do as a natural feature of being a mother, were like special favors that she would hold over your head.Because of her hot and cold abuse it left me lacking in personal interaction skills.This is one of the reasons that I have not been able to have a stable healthy relationship.Anyway the point is I do not want to see her in the hospital because at this point in my life I can not handle it.It is hard for me to just put on a smile and pretend that everything is OK.That is how I spent most of my life.Pretending my way through life.This also attributed to me having problems with identity.Because if you are constantly trying to be someone you are not, you lose who you really are.I am at 37, just beginning to learn how to create boundaries in my life.These boundaries are to only do the things that I am comfortable to do.Whether I choose not to do something because it physically,emotionally, mentally,or is something that I do not want, as an adult I owe no explanation for my actions.As long as I am not hurting or preventing others from living their lives, then I do not want to hear your reasons why I should do something.Also the only law that I break once in a while is smoke pot.It is a much better pain reliever then the Oxycontin that I take.Some might be strongly against marijuana but that is your problem it should be legal.It is much less abrasive the alcohol.But anyway let me get off my soap box.

The other day when I was at my brother Scott's auto shop, we were talking about this journal.I mentioned that I had some followers that actually care about me and my life.Then he asked me something that really made me think about my family life.He asked out of all of my followers, how many people in my family read my journal.Not one even though I have given each of them my site address.It brought me back to when I first learned about my borderline personality disorder. There is a book that I asked everyone to read that does a great job explaining in practical terms what I go through on a daily basis mentally.The book is called"I Hate You,Don't Leave Me".Guess how many in the family read that one? Actually my sister Joy did 8 years after I asked her to.The reason being my nephew Brandon, who just turned 13 today was diagnosed with BPD also.You know I really do not ask my family for much.I mostly stay to myself.Not one of them could take a couple of hours or show the least amount of interest in my life.Talk really is cheap! Coming to sit in a hospital when I have surgery is a nice gesture,actually Joy is the only one that ever even bothered to do that,but finding ways to help each other is much more important.

All that being said,I am not great at being there for my family either.No excuses, I am just not, it takes every fiber of my being to just get through my day.But, it is really a catch 22 situation staying to myself to protect myself, also prevents me from being a better brother, uncle, or son.Well hell I can not figure the answers in one day.Today I would really appreciate your comments.See you on Monday, I have a doctors appointment, fun fun....

I Just Plain Forgot to Write Saturday

2009-05-31T06:09:00.000-07:00

Well it was not because I was to busy or had a full day that I did not write yesterday.I simply forgot to write.Oh well, there is a first time for everything.To tell you the truth you did not miss all that much.But, all in all it was not a bad day.Not very exciting but my mood was pretty good most of the day.

I woke up around 9:30AM.Started making my calls a little after 10AM.During the course of my phone calls I was able to book 2 appointments for Monday.That brings the total to 5 for Monday with a 6th that it possible.So far I set 4 of the 5 and if the 6th one comes to fruition, then that would make 5 out of 6.Considering that Frank averages a sale in 1 out of 3 appointments, things are looking up.I try to call Monday,Tuesday,and Wednesday to book up Thursday.Then I call Thursday,Friday, and Saturday to book up Monday.It is a system for the time being that is working.Like the old saying goes, " If it ain't broke don't fix it".

I finished making my calls right around noon.The weather was nice in the morning.So I popped my head out to enjoy some of the day.I ended up going over to Phil's house and taking pictures of his adorable daughter Lilly.she was playing with a storage bin and water.If only something so small made my day.As you can see by the pictures,she has some great personality.I feel very fortunate to have been able to watch her grow from infant to an active,intelligent3 year old.I do not want kids at this point of my life but if I had a little girl I would want her to be Just Like Lilly.

After hanging out and taking some pictures of Lilly, I decided to go to Super Target.I needed a couple of things and It was nice to get out of the house for a while, too. I ended up getting litter,cat food and some groceries.It is a huge store so the walking,although painful is good for me.I originally went to see if they had a 30 amp female to 50 amp male adapter.Of course they had nothing even remotely similar.I might try walmart next.If worse comes to worse, I will get one from good old camping world.

When I got home from target, it was shower time.My friend Frank dropped off some sheets with more numbers for me to call.Then I went over to Gary's house for a while to hang out and shoot the shit.While there I got a craving for a beer.I never hardly drink alcohol, especially with all the medicines that I take.So I ran up to the store to get beer and a lotto ticket.As I am writing I just looked and I got 3 of 6 numbers.So I won$5.50, darn half way there.Well at least I made a little something.

In the evening the chat room called me for a little bit.So I chatted with some great folks for a while.Then at 9:45PM boxing was on HBO.It was actually taking place down here in south Florida at the Hard Rock Casino.I have been there a couple of times and it is like a very mini Vegas.I wanted to go to the matches live, but money is tight so I got a better seat in my own house.Also, the price of the food and drinks are alot cheaper at home.Maybe next time!! I want to travel to Vegas for one of the big fights one day.Well after that I downloaded Gary's time life collection of oldies but goodies.I think I would have liked the 50's.I love the music and the style was cool.Well,I will see you later today to see how Sunday unfolds....

Friday Guess What It Rained

2009-05-29T14:08:00.000-07:00

Hello to all of you out there.Today was a weird day.I slept on the couch so I did not miss the UPS person when they came.Did not come, so I called my mail order drug company to get the tracking order.They said nothing was shipped. I was told last Friday that there was a request to be shipped and told to call on Tuesday to make sure there was no problem.So on Tuesday I called and went through hell for them to promise that it would arrive today.Well after starting this process of getting my pain killers from January, and now this BS.I spoke to a manager Nik who looked and saw that my presciption arrived there on April 20. OK so my prescription has been there over a month and he saw that I have talked to at least 15 different people from Metco to find out why I have not gotten my meds.He gives me a new reason,that I am only authorized to get the meds at a retail store not by mail order.I freaked and got to the bottom of it.To make a long story short I have to resend the scripts they sent back to me, on Monday. It is so frustrating dealing with these companies.I really think they do it on purpose to have less calendar time to send out your meds.

Well it did feel great to sleep in my own air conditioned house last night.I even over slept a little to tell the truth.Time to make my calls,but could not get many people on the line.So no appointments booked today.Then I stopped by Walmart to get a new CB antenna.Found a good deal at only $10.

Office at Delray Auto and Marine

My Brother Scott Working

Employee and Friend Arly

Outside part of the Shop

I left Wally world and went to my brother Scott's autoshop.I wanted to see how my truck was coming along, and i needed a new door handle for my car.I am happy to report my truck needed a new tire and front brakes.I thought that it was going to be alot more stuff.Well I need to take it to a place with an alignment machine for trucks.The only other thing I have to deal with is a slow leak in the top of the wind shield.I will go to an autobody and glass place for that one.The fact that I told them to go through the truck with a fine tooth comb and thats all they found how can I complain.I feel great knowing the truvk is in tip top shape hitting the road.Now I am going to do that with the travel trailer too.I hope to get an automatic satallite dish and someother stuff to get installed.My brother is also very creative so I would like him to share some of his ideas with me.

After that I just came home had some lunch and enjoyed the AC.Talked on the phone a bit and got on the computer.Tonight I will probably go on the chat line for a while and watch the basketball game,Maybe something else will come up but if it does I will write about it tomorrow.........

Thursday More Rain and Air Conditioning Working

2009-05-28T19:47:00.000-07:00

Hello today was not a bad day at all.Went to lunch with my brother and one of his employees named Arly.Then went to the bank and my friend Frank met me there with new leads to call.After that I came back to my hot house and hoped this was the day it got fixed.It was I am sitting cool tonight. This will be a short entry tonight.Went in the chatroom for a little bit and now watching the basketball game.I will be going to bed right after the game. Will try to write more tomorrow ,,,,,,,,

Wednesday another Hot Rainy One

2009-05-27T21:09:00.000-07:00

Hello again, from sunny south Florida. Well it was sunny in the morning anyway.Then the hail came, followed by rain along with loud booming thunder, and bright lightning.It poured ,and poured ,and poured the rest of the day.After getting home from my brothers this morning and writing my journal entry.I made my daily phone calls for my friend Frank.I did not set any new appointments today,but he did get a nice sized sale.At least if you consider $270,000 a big sale.He gets a 2% commission on that and promised me 10% of that for making the appointment.Over $500 for just helping one of my close friends, not to shabby.So that made my day, positive vibes from Speedy reached me.

Then I went to lunch with my brother and his employees.After lunch, I left my truck at my brother's mechanic shop.I want him to fix a bunch of little things and go through it with a fine toothed comb.New tires if it needs them and anything else that needs to be done.Getting ready for life on the road.This is a big step and I will talk to a gentleman that offered me a small amount for my moblehome.With the economy the way that it is and me not feeling great.It might be worth a little less money to not have to deal with the frustration of showing the place over and over again.Well we will see what happens and if it works out then I can start to make real plans. That would be so nice to actually have the ability to make reservations.

On a not so happy side of the day, Marc once again did not come through with his promise to fix my AC.I already have someone lined up if it is not completed by tomorrow.I know he is doing me a favor but he knows how hard it is for me to be on my meds without cool air.To make it even worse I had to call him after 7pm for the second day in a row.Gary said that it was selfish and rude for him to not even call me.Well hopefully I will be able to relax in my own house tomorrow.Well tune in and find out.....

Tuesday May 26

2009-05-27T04:02:00.000-07:00

Hot day in the city.Yup, you guessed it my air is still not fixed.My friend Mark had a rough day at work and never got around to the parts department to pick up the blower fan.He is helping me out so there is no call to get upset.It rained or was cloudy most of the day so even though it was hot, it could have been much worse.Not a big day at all.Went to blockbuster and then to Publix for some food.Hung out with Gary for about an hour.Then last night I went over my brother Scott's house to sleep in the AC.Man was that nice !! They have an extra bedroom but I was just fine on the couch with a fan above me and the cold air flowing.Got up at 6:30 and came home to feed the cats,take my meds, and write this post.Look at that after all this time trying I am finally writing about the previous days events.Isn't life strange sometimes? You try and try to do something, then when you stop trying it happens.That is whet was always told to single people about finding their other half.Don't look and it will happen!! Well short and sweet today.A new feature that I am going to release today is a scale from 1 -10 to measure how the day was.A one is a very,very,very, bad day and a 10 I'm on top of the world.Tuesday May 26,2009 I am a 6.This is not bad for no AC and not having a very productive day.Well I will see you later!

2009-05-25T20:55:00.000-07:00

Happy Memorial Day!!! It is a great day to be an American.Remembering those heroes that have sacrificed for all of us.Before being in the Army,my understanding and respect for this great day was under par.As I trained and served in the service, the pride and understanding of those that blazed a trail for me and every other troop grew.From those that worked in the kitchen all the way to those on the front line .The love and admiration to those that paid the ultimate sacrifice.Due to many of the medical issues that are affecting me today, I was not a great soldier.But, I volunteered and served my time the best I could for what I have to deal with day to day.Many people that would have been better soldiers did not decide to serve time in the service.

The day began for me at 9 am. Still hot from having no air conditioning it was surprising that the bed was not more covered in sweat then it was in the morning.It was not a comfortable temperature but after many showers my body must have gotten more accustom to being hot.My friend Mark stopped over to check the air conditioning around 1pm. He came to the conclusion that it needed a new blower motor. Then he told me that he would grab me one on Tuesday from work and put it in that night.I can just pay him whatever the part costs.Well even though it is needed like a hole in the head to spend money , I cannot live in south Florida without AC for more then a couple of days.I really appreciate Mark taking time away from his family on a holiday weekend.I offered money, lunch or at least something but he rejected them all.He knows that my budget is tight and really made me feel great about how people can make a difference in other peoples lives.Thank You Mark!!!

Frank and Marci

Olivia

When Mark left I received a couple of phone calls and chatted for a while.My friend Frank invited me to a barbecue rib dinner.They served the ribs with mashed garlic potato's and grilled carrots mixed with herbs.We all enjoyed dinner and spending time together.Frank's wife Marci is a wonderful person and we get along great.They have a little girl named Olivia that is in her terrible twos.Cute as can be but boy, what a handful!!I guess they all are at that age.Frank and I went to blockbuster to rent a movie, while Marci put the baby to sleep.We all got a plate of apple pie that I actually brought over.On that plate we all had a nice big scoop of ice cream next to the pie.OK two Scoops!!!We put a comedy in and laughed our heads off.

Gary

After Mark had left and I was done on the phone I went over to Gary's for a while.It was nice to visit and sit in the air for a couple hours.Came home from there and took a shower.Then I was off to Franks house more AC in the truck and in the house.Yuppy.It was a nice day for me even though I was in some pain.Well hopefully I can make Tomorrow interesting as well..........

Hot Sunday

2009-05-24T20:11:00.000-07:00

Well my air conditioner never got fixed today.So it is hot in my house which is never usually the case.Usually you can hang meat in my living room, but now I am using fans to get me through.That complaint out of the way today was a better day then yesterday for sure.It rained early and then was dry the rest of the day.So my pain level was not near as high as it has been.YAAAA!!I watched a couple baseball games with Gary then Phil stopped over for a while.I got on the chatline for a while. Then watched the end of the basketball game.

If my plans work out this is my schedule: Sometime in August drive from south Florida to Columbia SC then from Sept 12-Oct 6 I will go to Atlanta then to Chattanooga,TN, then to Nashville, on to Memphis to little rock AR to Dallas TX to Austin TX to San Antonio TX yo Kerrville,TX for the RV-Dreams Rally October 6 - 13.I am staying a week. From here I have no idea til I secure a workamping position.See ya tomorrow...

Pouring Saturday

2009-05-23T16:46:00.000-07:00

Hello for the Saturday edition of my little journal. If you are in a good mood then make a u-turn now.I promised myself that I would be true when writing.No matter how long or how short the entry. I will tell no lies.That being said today in every aspect,except the Yankees winning a great game, sucked for me.There are many other words that could have been used to describe today but sucked was the nicest I could come up with.

The morning began with the most thunder that I have ever heard in my life.I have been through several hurricanes so this is not said lightly.The term pouring does even start to describe how hard it was raining outside.Do not know if it was the dampness or the pressure but I literally could not move until about 1pm.My fingers were curled,my arms stuck to my side, it felt like I was paralyzed.Could not reach for the phone that was next to my bed.Was not able to get up to go to the bathroom.It was terrifying and frustrating all at once.

Finally my fingers began to return to normal and I was able to get up to use the bathroom.I made a couple of calls to reach out to a couple of people but they were to busy with their own lives to really care about what I was going through.Maybe they cared but there was nothing they could do.So I took my meds while I knew that I still had the ability to take them.Of course kinda freaked out I made sure that the phone was on me the rest of the day.

Many times I am hot because of some of the meds that I take,I'm overweight and the fact that I am in pain most of the time.So I checked the air conditioning to see if it needed to be lowered.I heard it turn on outside but there was no air flowing through the vents.This is just what is needed when trying to sell this place in the summer in south Florida.Something like this happened once before and I was told that the air condition coil froze up.So remembering this I turned off the a/c and am now sitting in my place with only fans on.The one bright note is that because of all the rain it is not in the 90s like it has been.I have decided to wait overnight before attempting to restart the air conditioning.Hopefully, it turns out that it just needed to thaw out.I hate living my life in such poverty.One thing goes wrong and I am screwed.Days like this are reason that I wish that i was not alive.I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.The thought of getting on the road and living my dreams while I still can is one of the only things that keeps me going.That and my cats, because no one will ever love them like I do.

My entire life I have always felt like I did not belong.It did not matter the time or situation.The odd ball in the group, just had trouble being one of the gang.After feeling this way in so many situations it is still difficult for me to know if it just me feeling that way or other people looking at me because I am different or do not belong.When you go through life this way you begin to question everything you do whether in a group or even alone.Sometimes in my attempts to fit in I will go to different extremes which end up pushing farther away from what is normal.I briefly mentioned a little bit about this in an entry a couple days back but since I am in this mental state right now I wanted to share more.I do not feel comfortable in my own skin most of the time.I want to be liked and loved by everyone,but every night and most days I am alone.Even now sitting here writing this I reminisce about failed relationships from my past.Some friends and others girlfriends that I ruined because I am me.I have come up with only one conclusion of why I can never make these relationships workout.It is me! The problem is 100% me! I can not be normal,and do not know how to interact and show my feelings without being on the love or hate side of the fence.Not only is it me that is the problem but the fact that I hate me is where the rubber meets the road.

I am so scared that even the wonderful people that I meet on the road are going to dislike me.Especially the fact that I am young and without a family of my own.So many of the great people in the chatline speak about Sons and Daughters with pride.Many are retiring from there longtime careers.These are not only subjects but great accomplishments by these wonderful people.The only thing I can truly say that I am proud of is that I put myself through and graduated college.That being said every other thing in life has been a failure in one respect or another.I am 37 years old and will never be able to do so many things again in my life.My family knows I have problems both mentally and physically.None of them ever want to know how devastating these disabilities have been to my life.The common response is always there are people worse of then you.Well that is ashamed for those people and we all go through our own struggles but just because there are worse situations then mine does not make my situation any better.I do not have to live anyone elses life but my own.Trust me there are plenty of people that are doing much better then me and I do not get to be them either.

I hope that spending time on the road will allow me to truly get to know myself and a direction to head in.I want anyone that is reading this to know these things about me.I am a very loving and caring person that is trust worthy.I care deeply about my friends even though I might not have the skills to show it properly all of the time.I need to be assured and reassured that I am accepted and liked or loved.I do not want to be or do I try to be different or more unusual then everyone else. Things that are new to me ,are like there being introduced to a child at times.I apologize to anyone that reads my journal on a usual basis that just wanted to read a short happy tale, but I promise to be true to myself and record my feelings at the moment I write each day.Hopefully tomorrow is a better day.....